Well, I finally got back on here if my passwork actually works this time.<P>I have to say our relationship is stronger than 5 weeks ago and I am really starting to think straight. I have realized lots of painful stuff about me and want to work on it.<P>Unfortunately, we have had a lot of negative stress imposed by so called trusted leaders that has pressured so much we can't talk about marriage much these days--the only good thing about it is we have to lean on each other right now and we are and it's drawing us really close emotionally and spiritually.<P>We got our transfer all right and it was totally unfair in our minds. My husband has thryoid cancer and is about to face another round of radioactive iodine treatment this summer which requires one month of preparation...the plan was to appoint this man of God to be a chore boy at a national camp. His boss would be a woman married to a man dying of stomach cancer. My "discipline" is further excommunication till July 19 and I would be allowed to prepare coffee breaks as long as no one saw me???? <P>Our boss told us he would tell the 4 main church leaders (we only trust one of them) the details of my sin and inform the congregation that we were moving due to stress. My husband refused to come last Sunday with ourbosses who were to lead the worship. Our people were devestated at my exposure by the boss who told them how terrible I was and possibly hinted my h was in trouble too (he is totally innocent) and that I am suspended, they don't need to know why and gave contradictory messages both forbidding and encouraging folk to contact us.<P>He ripped apart our pastorless church. Then on Tuesday my h arrived to find he had been locked out of the most important room inside the office. He already was cracking under the pressure of Sunday's embarrassment (why couldn't I have been permitted to follow Scripture and confess myself?) and our oldest daughter threatening suicide at the thought of moving and having to be placed on medication (actually the meds are a blessing as she is 1000% calmer than even before the move was announced to us)<P>Anyway , I don't want to rehash this too much but we've decided to apply for my husband to have sick leave. We will pray and if it's God will look for another type of ministry in the near future. Again if God directs,I will take a non-ministry job.<P>I have always dreamed of writing a book and hoped for a speaking ministry to women. Perhaps in a few years this will come true, too.<P>all I know is we are being flooded with love in our darkest hour and our love for each other is insurmountable while tender and vulnerable. We have an amazing counselor who is super supportive. <P>I better close as I must get to bed before school starts and i have to get up!! And I don't know if I got the password right or not!<P>I'm not sure I'm even in the right section to post this update.<P>Things are scary but good. Dr. Harley's book Surviving an Affair helped us both. Now I want to get His Needs, Her Needs.<P>I pray for you my friends as you seek healing in your difficult days. Please don't give up hope. You are loved and love is worth the investment.<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

Things sound pretty good...<P>Check out the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=31&DaysPrune=10&LastLogin=" TARGET=_blank>In recovery</A> forum...<BR>...there are others you can share with who have similar experiences.<P> <P>Jim

FS,<P>I think you missed the section you were posting in and the one you are after. I am so sorry to hear of what your church has done to your family. I cannot believe that with your H's situation they could not show some compassion and consideration. It is beyond my belief.<P>I would also hope that you will heal from this terrible situation. It seems to me that there may be a blessing in all of this for you and your H, but I am very worried about what the effects of this will do to his will. In the situation he is in, a strong will is most important and he has been dealt some very very severe blows.<P>I am only with great restraint not launching into what I think about the leaders of your church. I cannot believe that these people claim to have the Christian spirit flowing through them. I will say it seems fair that you not minister for awhile, but what else has happened is beyond belief.<P>As I get older, and I am getting much older, I realize more and more why my father gave up on organized religion after WWII. We were raised with religion in our family,but he rarely went to church. He wouldn't go because of what happened to his friends in WWII. Chaplains not comforting dying men because they weren't the CORRECT religion and so forth.<P>When a story like yours comes along, I have a very strong reaction as you can tell. I do hope that you can recover from all of this, and I pray that your H survives all of this.<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Hi FS...<P>Just a quick hello...glad to see that things are "scary but good"--that's not half bad for the stage you are at!!!<P>Hugs & a prayer--<P>Kathi

Hi, Kathi and JustLearning.<P>Yes, my church leadership has been disappointing but the true Christians of the congregation have acted just like Jesus and offered way more than a cup of cold water in Jesus name. A very godly man gave us a $1000 to help us out and his wife brought 10 casseroles over, ladies are coming over to help me clean, people want to take our girls out for dinner, etc.<P>I do worry about the children being negatively affected.<P>I had no problem with the being out of ministry either but the rest is like some kind of weird bad nightmare. However, so many people have prayed and we are both feeling so much more at peace.<P>One of the strains in our marriage and even dating in seminary has been that we have taken turns wanting to leave our denomination due to the sick politics at the top. We hoped to be salt and light by staying in but we have sought counsel about the ethics of our decision and people say we are not committing fraud by doing this. H needs time to recover now from cancer and my A (he is doing so well with handling the A and me) and we are pretty much looking for work in the meantime. H will likely pastor another church and I will get a "regular" job and pursue my writing dream which I hope will lead to a speaking ministry part time.<P>I just feel so fantastic now that I am beginning to feel healthy. I am also pleased that God has given peace that He will take care of EVERYTHING (the harm done to h and everything else) so that now we can concentrate on our marriage and family life.<P>How many people get the opportunity to have 3 months off together to heal their relationship? I don't know why I am so blessed but am abundantly grateful.<P>We are going for our romantic trip likely a week from tomorrow for 2 days. I have high hopes but even if we end up just snoozing for 2 days, we'll be alone and I'm pretty sure there will be some other fun activites <P>This is so great the support I have found here. JustLearning, you are my hero here! I can't believe I am a member and not junior member already. I have been able (I hope) to help a few others here today. <P>JL--I found SKM posting a reply to Emily so hoping we connect. You are right we sound so much alike--esp with the wanting it to end and OM not letting go.<P>I know I have lots more hard work ahead so don't worry too much about my euphoria. It's been weird to feel a smile--to have a smile become a foreign feeling and then suddenly feel the muscles in my face forming a grin. I think I'm so happy to be happy and my H and I had a very special afternoon yesterday that makes us feel like newlyweds again!<P>------------------<BR>Fresh Start

FS,<P>I hope that your happiness continues, through the ups and downs. You will be of great help here. For you have the insight that many seek. You have paid dearly for you mistake and you are aware of the consequences to the rest of your family.<P>Many of the betrayed spouses need your insight so desperately. They need to know that it can work out, that the WS can see the "light" and help rebuild their marriage. You and SKM will be a very powerful force here.<P>God Bless and enjoy your 2 days off. <P>JL

FS,<P>Here is a post from SKM that may be of interest to you. She has posted so many great things here. Just click on the colored SKM and you will see the post.<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/002290.html" TARGET=_blank>SKM </A><P>JL