Ok. It's bad now.

Attorney called today to say that they've found more stuff. This time he's gone on another gambling spree in jan. in vegas again and spent over 10k. And then a check was written to ANOTHER WOMAN, one I don't know about for over 1,000 for (written in the note part at bottom of check) rent and misc. I don't know who this woman is? Either she is another other woman or she is roommate of Ms. Family Values to pay for rent or breaking of lease or something like that so she can shack up with my wh. And then comes the real kick in the teeth:
A check was written to a couple for (written again in bottom part of check note area) ONE HALF BACK CHILD SUPPORT. So either he is bailing out a buddy with back child support (and not paying his OWN CHILD SUPPORT) OR HE HAS ANOTHER CHILD.

I am beyond words and speechless. When my attny called and dropped da bombs on me, I literally had to run to the bathroom. Got violently ill and then had bout of montezuma's revenge. Nobody at work knows though. I am far too embarassed.

Oh well. Attorney says that there will be probably only primary custody for me. No joint stuff anymore with his chronic gambling. And that she was going to CALL THE WOMAN AND THE COUPLE AND FIRE AWAY AT THEM. If that fails, subpoenas subpoenas...We are going to trial on april 30 for the jail thing as he's not paid the child support and then next month in front of judge for final.

This is far too much. I don't know how many more d days a woman can take. This is almost too much. Makes a Jerry Springer show look mild.

How can it be? How can he lead this double life and nobody know or get it? Did he think I'd never find out? I am really wondering here folks. I have no words and feel like I am rushing to catch my breath always now.
I honestly believe he's lost his mind or is on drugs. Gambling is confirmed. But this behavior is reckless and totally irrational. Give to others and not your own child? Not your legitimate child? Again, we don't know about the other checks. Should have some confirmation by tomorrow hopefully to put my mind at ease.

I don't want to jump the gun but if he's been sleeping around (confirmed over last two years) then this could be his child. And what would I tell my boy? This is far too much to handle. I pray and hope it is not true. That he was being so "generous" to a buddy of his to bail the guy out on paying child support or something and that it's not his child.

I am sick either way. The girl and the apartment thing and the gambling thing is already too much.

I just hope and pray another d day will not come. I want to heal so badly. So badly. I have prayed for two years for healing. Is this healing? How can you heal with this kind of garbage piling up all around you. You gotta know it's bad when your attorneys say that they've never dealt with a man like this in ALL THEIR YEARS OF PRACTICE. And one of them has been practicing over twentyfive years. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I don't know whether to scream or cry. I think both should be good though.

Yes, screaming and crying would both be good ways to get it out of your system.

I'm in awe at what you write, and at the same time, I'm not at all surprised.

Peachy... it was never about you. Just like in my M it was never about me. There is NOTHING either of us could have done, be it before or after the A's, that would have changed this outcome. Good or bad, it doesn't matter that we were their wives. They would have done this crazy "merd" with whomever they were with.

Thank God we're off the main ride. Sure, we're getting some aftershocks... but we'll be fine. They won't.

((((((((( NPinGA ))))))))))

Karen

Peachy - you're going to survive. I bet it does feel incredibly horrible right now. And it has for a long time.

But I have one question you have never ever answered. This is tough stuff to get through on your own.

Have you gotten any professional counselng through any of this?

If I hadn't, I don't know how I would have survived. I think that is the single thing you could do right now that would serve you best in the long term.

peachy, I'd second cinderella's suggestion about counseling and reiterate the suggestion I made on your other thread to find a 12-step support group - I think you've got a lot to choose from with all your H's apparent addictions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

The good news is, you now don't have to fight for custody, he's pretty much eliminated any credibility as a parent. And, you no longer have to question your sanity or wonder what you might have done wrong, except maybe not giving yourself enough credit for being so strong in the face of his insanity and abuse!

Peachy, I think you need to talk to a counselor about these issues.
There is a Gamanon group for families of gamblers.
God bless you and your family.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How can it be? How can he lead this double life and nobody know or get it? Did he think I'd never find out? I am really wondering here folks. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Because he's an accomplished liar/sneak like most mentally ill people. And if you didn't KNOW to be looking for his lies, then you wouldn't have seen them. And, yes, he *did* think that you wouldn't find out because HE'S just that smart (a legend in his own mind). When my h was involved in the EA, he was never away from home when he shouldn't be, never got any strange phone calls, never had any missing time or money...when d-day came, I was blindsided. The OW was someone who worked where he did and they made the 'whoopee' (not sex--just 'relationship building' that he should have been doing at home)on company time. So it is possible.

I agree that you should seek individual counseling--it can save your sanity.

<small>[ April 15, 2003, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: franklymydears ]</small>

Peachy - Oh my god... I am sure there are much more revelations - but you have to stop --- Go into therapy fix yourself - be thankful that you are getting away from this man - and you are getting your child away from him... You have no control over what he did and none of it was your fault - he is a sick individual... You are very strong - don't let his past or future actions affect you anymore - enough is enough.... You must now just fight for what is yours and your sons... Dettach from him completely - do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he has any kind of effect on you anymore.... Stay strong....

((((((((((((((((((peachy))))))))))))))))

My GOD, when is enough ENOUGH? These guys just aren't part of the Human Race! If I ever found out that my very-similar-to-yours X had that kinda thing going on, it would insense me too.....

But, listen. You are free of him more and more each day. The things you have found out have caused you great pain, and no doubt there will be more revelations in the weeks to come. But YOU are not part of it now. You do NOT have to take it on board. Yes, he did this stuff when he was with you, but thank GOD you are not with him NOW. Just imagine that, eh? Finding that out when you were together....UGH! If anyone here thinks that statement is against MB principles, you are right, but geez guys, how can you fight for this kind of marriage? No-one expects you to Peachy....this stuff is abuse, and Harleys do not condone saving an abusive marriage.

You have to sit yourself down and do some serious talking to yourself. This man, to whom you were married, is NOT the base for yourself. YOU are just so much better than that. YOU are not the issue here....he is sick and he needs help. God help me, your X has always been so similar to mine that I DREAD what will come to light now...but we are going to talk about you, lol.

Two things I did for myself that I feel gave me the biggest lift towards recovery.

1. I allowed myself to cry those tears, just like you are doing now. It is sooooo important to cry, because this validates your true feelings to yourself, and allows you to regain the self respect you deserve.

2. I joined a church that was suitable to me. It is wonderful, has a LOT of support courses and the people there are fantastic (I met The Tall One there, too). Do you have a course called Alpha in the States? I am about to do it....it is supposedly really great for healing.

Okay, here is the hard advice.....it is not given without the knowledge that to follow it is DARNED hard to do, ok, sister of mine? Here it is:

Whatever he does, or has done in his life is no longer your concern. He has made his bed, let him lie in it. Of course, I know he made your bed, too. But do you have to lie in it? NO!!!!!!! Let me say that again. NO!!!!!!!!!! To do so is to remain right where you are now. Do NOT give him the POWER to hurt you. DO NOT let anything else GET to you, regarding him. Tell yourself this, as I did, every day until I could manage with minimal twinges of yuckism: I AM BETTER THAN THIS. I WILL NOT LET HIM CONTROL MY EMOTIONS FOR A SECOND LONGER!!!

It takes time, but every single time you feel that hurt and pain, say it. TAKE CHARGE of yourself, and do not let him creep into you for one second longer. Be strong girl.....I know you are because you have not gotten this far on air.

Preachy? Maybe.....but then again, it worked for me, and that is why I pass it on.

Love you girl,

Jacky

Peachy,
Just a quick little note of empathy and sympathy. I know having one thing uncovered would have been bad enough, but you got a double whammy. I'm praying you'll be able to plow through it like you have done other things he's thrown your way. You are stronger than you realize and getting stronger every day. And I echo other comments - have you seen a counselor or gone to any solid support groups? And Nina too was correct - remember that his life is NO LONGER your concern. Even more so now, if you'll be primary custodian. I don't know if there is a need to tell your son anything, especially at this point. See what develops first.

Remember, you will come through this and be stronger for it! You have been dished a lot of junk but you continue to move forward. At some point, this will all be behind you!

(((((((((((((peachy))))))))))))))))

What he has done and continues to do with his life is unbelievable, and I agree with the others when they say THANK GOD that you are no longer a part of it!!

This may have been the most painful thing you'll ever have to endure...but hasn't God been with you every step of the way? It's no mistake that you are not a part of his life any longer...God has been watching over you and your son.

Peachy, I have always admired you for your wit, your wisdom and your strength in the face of adversity that few of us will have to face. You WILL survive this. You will emerge safe, sound and whole. Never doubt that for a minute.

Please try avoid all contact with him. Leave that to your attorneys. Protect yourself!

Thanks so much friends. I am doing a bit better and with decisions from docs I work with, have gone back on lowest dose of antidepressant (lexapro) again to ease the shock and awe. But it is really fast acting (much quicker to steady state in the body than others) and I actually am feeling a bit better today.

Thank you for your prayers and love. No answer yet from the attorney or the verdict on who this mystery woman who's rent was paid or who the mystery couple is that got a check for child support. The only thing confirmed is the massive gambling spree.

And believe it or not, I probably couldn't have made it through this except I did go through alot of counseling over the last year and a half. I haven't been in a few months but am in touch w/counselor and she thinks I am doing a wonderful job. Spoke to a doc at work about this and should I go to some kind of support group for gamblers' families or something. He said no. Asked if I was intending to live with him this way and I said no. He said to read up on it and only relate to it that way. That it is not a part of MY LIFE OR THE LIFE OF MY CHILD. And I am ok with this idea. I will read up and get some answers enough to deal with it. But the rest is up to him.

Ironically, stbxh sent me a forwarded email today. Another . This one was entitled "drunk wives". It was supposed to be funny. I guess after he IM'd me on saturday acting all friendly like that he thinks I will laugh this one off. I didn't even read it and clicked it into delete. And I am now on alternate screen name so he doesn't know I am online. I am policing myself on the internet for a while until this dies down. I don't want any contact with him unless he was to inform me of his intent to enter some kind of treatment or meet my (all) conditions I wrote to him in plan B. I seriously doubt I could ever feel anything like I did before.

Bought the new Linkin Park CD a few days ago. Totally describes my life. Lots of angst and release of emotion and it's great to just blast on way to work after dropping off son. The song "Hit the Floor" is my whole court situation.

Picked up son from school today. No wierd drop off at home thing again. Guess he understands that I don't want to see him. However, interesting revelations about the weekend. Seems that he only saw son yesterday. Son spent entire four days with his grandparents in Hilton Head. His dad only got him last night. Guess my stbxh had too much partying to do this weekend and the vip thing at the Master's to attend was much more important than seeing his son which he hasn't much at all really. We know where his priorities lie now. Son was so happy to see me. He wasn't hyped at all like he usually is if he goes to the beach. He loves the beach. Asked if he and I were going back to where we went last year. I said I hope so. Just knowing that my son is going to be with me always is a blessing in disguise now. Last year when stbxh took son for ten days to force me into signing a lesser settlement agreement threw me for a loop. He blew alot of smoke saying he was going to prove my being nutso (yea right) and that I'd not see my son for six months. That was ten days of hell and it took almost a personal audience before this same judge to make him return my child and back off. My heart just spins when I think of all he has done and how he just has not felt anything about his choices and cruel behavior.

That is a huge blessing. My child with me. We may not be a big family but we are a good one. And another small praise. Got a callback on a very good job offer. They put me in the final slot (about five other candidates in all with me in that five) for a sales job within my very chosen specialty (medical). Would require a relocation to either eastern atlanta area or to Augusta (ironically where master's is). But as my sister said over phone today, that may be the best thing. It would put us far enough where son and I could have a fresh start. Good, solid medical community there as well and a few friends I've made through my professional society live there. The job is base pay in the sixties to mid sixties with commission being between 22 and 45 k per year. That would be over doubling my income now. And would make me say hasta la vista Jethro as even if he permanently stayed in contempt and never paid us again, we'd be fine. God is showing me that I have to be persistent and the right job will come along. Please pray about this for us.

I am trying so hard to just put this out of my mind. I couldn't sleep last night. And when I did, couldn't stop dreaming. Drug through the day and actually was just glad to be at work where I could not think about my situation.

Is there some kind of award maybe Jethro could win for being the MB worst wayward spouse or something? I am wondering.

It is like really, that the man I knew and loved is dead. Definitely dead for now. Dead until he comes to terms with his life choices and sees where he is. My attorneys today drafted second contempt charges and they are being filed with court again. God I wanted so hard to believe him when he said his business was really hurting. It is either that or he's got a huge cash stash somewhere like we think. We will find out though. It is coming together slowly but steadily. And I am scared of another d day. I am just praying that God is just going to carry me through them. I hurt one day for and when my son discovers the truth about what his dad did. I wanted so hard to believe that he was broke. That he was hurting and his business hurting. Never in a million years did I think he was capable of lies of this magnitude. The most grave of all lies. Lies about your child's life. About how you don't care about your child's life. That you will toss pittance his way. And that month wrote a check for one half back child support to someone else. Someone we don't even know. I can't even cross that bridge unless my attorney says to cross it. Unless we find out there's another child I won't dare cross it.

For me, the last courtroom appearance a few weeks back when the first bit of new
lies were revealed was equivalent to when we call the time of death for a patient who went into cardiac arrest. That felt like the day my heart died. The day that the man I knew once was pronounced dead. His soul dead. It is sad. Damn sad but it is what it is. Guess sometimes the fog can literally blind you so badly that you could run over a cliff. He is just going so fast downhill. So fast. He can't live any faster.

Just pray for us. And pray for him. And pray this horrid secret life is revealed to his family so he can somehow get some help; some intervention. I am not the person to do it now. He would so much reject it if I even tried. But pray that the family he recognizes, his parents, face this and face the truth for once in their lives and see what the wages of sin are and do something about their child before he finds out the ultimate wage of sin. Pray they are brave enough to confront him. I have already laid it on the line for over a year and firmly did so before the mediation (or better yet, non mediation day) and told stbxh everything in my heart and how I mourn for that man and how I will stay away, permanently if need be, until the day he chooses to change his whole life.

God bless you guys. Oh, I am using the same internet service as before but am using the screen name below. Email me if you wish. I could really use the extra support right now.

Thanks to Formerly Confused, Orchid. Lost Husband, for the outpouring of love from calls. I couldn't be more blessed to count you among my friends.

God HAS BEEN GOOD. It's been hard, but God's carried me when I couldn't myself walk. And that time is now. Just like my life verse, I have put on God's armor. Put it on over a year ago. I will rewrite it here so you can see how firm my resolve is to do the right thing for my son and for my life. It is what I have to do. And if we love God and put that armor on, no matter what happens, you will stand.

"Therefore put on the full armour of God so that when the day of evil comes you may be able to stand your ground; and after having done everything to stand."

My son and I are standing on faith. We are standing together.

He fell alseep in my room. I am going to snuggle up with him and sleep after a long prayer of thanks to my loving God for carrying us. And I am thanking Him for you, my friends here too.

Dear Peach,

Good the hear you are resting. After all that drama, movies just won't have the same impact, even with special effects. LOL!!!

Smile darlin' you are the one with the inner and outer beauty that will last a lifetime. Your son loves his momma and we do also.

take care and keep your chin up!

Your west coast MB sister!!!

L.

(((((((((((((Peachy)))))))))))

I&#8217;m relieved that you are feeling better because you definitely deserve it. As I was going through the &#8220;discovery&#8221; part of my divorce and finding out about my wife&#8217;s transgressions I remember the sorrow and anger I had inside. My heart raged for revenge and I was consumed by vengeance. Since I had always taken the high road this was a new emotion for me and I spoke with my pastor about my need for revenge. He let me rant and rave, then quietly opened his Bible and asked my to read this verse out loud:

&#8220;Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh shall from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit shall from the Spirit reap eternal life.&#8221; Gal. 6:8&#8211;9

He then told me that I just had received my vengeance and now let it drop. Of course it wasn&#8217;t quite that easy but as I continued my studies, many prayers, and with the help of some awesome cyber-buddies I was able to give that up.

Not that I&#8217;m out here giving a Bible lesson today but I thought this verse described Jethro to the T:

&#8220;But realize this, that in the last days, difficult times will come, for men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God; holding to a form of godliness, although they have denied its power; and avoid such men as these.&#8221; 2 Timothy 3:1&#8211;5

That was a reference verse from our Sunday school last week and I couldn&#8217;t help but to think of your situation when we discussed it.

On a side note, there is nothing more precious in the world than that &#8220;snuggle time&#8221; with your son. Treasure It.

A pray that the day brings a smile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> to your face to brighten whatever room you are in, a twinkle <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> to you eye to see the blessings all around you, and a pleasant thought <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> to your mind to deliver you, if only for a moment, away from these issue&#8217;s.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

<small>[ April 16, 2003, 08:06 AM: Message edited by: LostHusband ]</small>

Thanks Bill. I needed that and the verses are so true. He is going to reap what and where he's sown. That is how you judge a farmer. If his lines are straight when he puts the seeds in the ground.

I had a decent day. Very busy. Bought the new zumba video's to workout with. Been almost too busy to go to the gym. So I will just do it after putting son to sleep. Supposed to be awesome fun. Latin workout.

That's my Easter bunny gift to me. Bought son a spiderman basket and a hot wheels giant plastic egg with hot wheels inside (only 9.99 at target). And the usual candy and eggs to make the bunny trail. I've decided we will go to church on the saturday evening service and that way we can sleep in and then do the easter bunny thing and then go eat before he has to see his father about three p,m.

I still have no answers about the mystery apartment woman or the mystery couple and the child support check. Honestly, I am almost afraid to find out about the last one really. I don't know how I will react. He has behaved recklessly and could indeed have another child.

I am just trying to get on with it for a bit tonight. Have a touch of peace and quiet for a little while. Took tylenol p.m. (two) last night and slept dreamlessly. It was good, but alas short. Only 6 hrs. I am so exhausted now. Know it is stress though. No word from the other job yet. I haven't heard back. In my email to her last night where I forwarded my resume and cover letter, I said if there were any problems with her receiving the attachment to immediately contact me.

On a down note, today I had to get notorized the new contempt papers. In last paragraph it requests he either immediately rectify the non payment situation or be sent to jail period. I signed it and it still hurt. Had the notary at the office do her stuff too. But I know I have to do the right thing for my son. I don't want him to go to jail. But I think it is possibly quite the only way for him to see what he's done to us.

Please keep praying for him and I am always praying for my friends here.

Just had to add a note here that many, many times the verse (paraphrased) "As ye sow, so shall ye reap" has passed through my mind as I've watched the consequences of my husband's actions unfold. God's Word is so true.

Not good news for them, but great news for us!!

Stay strong Peachy!!!!

Hi Peachy! I still am sorry you are having these problems with Jethro/Darth. I am praying and hoping you are nearly at the end of the road with this mess he's put you and your son through - in the meantime, you are most definitely prayed for!
Peace to you, my MB Sister.
Harold T

Peachy, got a song for you.

Did you ever hear "Fighter" by Christine Aguilera? That's what you are!

My oh so wise 17 yr old daughter told me, Mom you'll like this song, I thought of you when I heard it...supreme compliment from her!!

Keeping you in my prayers.

I thank you for the prayers. Lost it a bit ago and cried over phone to formerly confused. He's a prince.
Jethro called and tried to get me to allow our son to be with him tomorrow night. That's not his weekend. He says his parents (enablers) are coming in town (the adulterous parents) and he wants son to conveniently spend another holiday with them. Nope. I said he could have him half the day on Sunday. Three p.m. and return him to school the next day.

He then goes on to say that he wants me to "be productive" and only mention either the divorce or our son. I already say that I want nothing to do with him until he is a changed man. That may never happen. He said "i've not been this happy in 10 years". "my life is none of your business" (the finances show that he has no regard) and "get on with your life woman" (I am trying but need to get him to honor his responsibilities, that's all). And then he emails me asking about schools for son and then about a summer tball league (I am putting son in one). I say in reply that I will choose the league as it has to be with my work schedule (after work) and will notify him of the games and practice times. Geez I don't want to see him or ms. family values there. And I told him that he is staying in the same school until son and I move. I also told him I am sick of this situation and am actually not happy here in GA. That I miss my family and life long friends. That he's not been honest with us and that we can't possibly discuss our divorce with the situation and disrespect with regard to his handling of child support.

I let him know that I so much wanted not to believe that he chose not to pay us and that it was evident that we were not his priority. He had other priorities such as his girlfriends, nightclubs, trips, and casinos to have to worry about such things as a child or a wife. I know I probably majorly LB'd but I don't care. He has wrecked our lives.

I cried the last 10 minutes when I came home. When is it going to end? He hasn't paid us this month in full (missing about 1500 and is still not paid us the back amount the court awarded us. And we will be back in court the thirtieth of this month. I am sick of this whole thing. This whole life, apart from my son. It is grueling right now. I am exhausted all the time. I am living on next to nothing after paying the bills I can pay. Behind on the truck note. Trust me, when you go about five months with 2,200 per month less than you were getting before, life changes very quickly. Especially when I was paying over 1000 out of that 2200 for the joint bills the jerk left us with.

And he wants to be nice? Be a friend? He has n't been honest or a friend on any level in about two and a half years. So he can stick the crap. He has no conscience and I am sick of it.

I am losing it. Pray hard for us today. He is trying to ruin another holiday for us by meddling again. Please pray that our financial situation is solved soon. That we can have peace.

Honestly, I am not happy living here. I wish I were back home. I miss home. This stinks.

Hi NotPeachy. I'm so sorry to read your latest post about your life. I know it has truly been hard on you and your dear son. You've been in my prayers a lot of late and you will remain in them.
Have you thought about moving back 'home' - to the town where you have real friends and family? After this mess is over with and you receive what is rightfully yours?
The Lord will keep you safe and work this mess out for you Peachy. Please keep hanging in there and He will keep His Word to you.
Harold
PS - {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{NotPeachy & Your Son}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

((((((((ARM LOADS OF LOVE))))))))

Peachy--So sad. The price we pay for being married to very foolish persons. Reasons we lament. I know we have been " BLINDED" WINDED" "WOUNDED" and "WORN DOWN", par for the mid course when contending with BULLIES.

I believe we have already established a solid grip here. We are dealing with highly unstable lost persons who have serious alcholic/drug and severe mental illness issuses. No one operating with a full deck behaves so deplorably as our STBX.

The loss of volumes of income is a hard pill to swallow and absorb apart from all the other jabbing artrial wounds.

I am half way digesting this one, and the ruggard terrtain we are faced with economically, emotionally as result of their poor sportsmanship & reduced capacities.

Apart from those issues, lurks still the emptiness inside our power hungry bullies STBX , who as we know are so misguidedly mistaken into thinking that summoning the sadistic EROTICPOWER/HUGH HEFFNER STYLE AND DOMINATION HILTER TRYANANT POWERS, that be will transform their empty lives, hearts.

These powers as we know will turn them into powder in the end by their own demise.

Obviously, they didn't read the story about PINNOCHIO or the Emperor Who Wears No Clothes to well and learn.

In my IMHO,sooner we disconnect from our emotions, feelings and nerves altogether from them specifically. Get over our "STOCKHOLM SYNDROME" and give off different vibes, the sooner we will be off the ship of fools.

Sounds like Jethro's "denial file" is as overloaded as my STBX. Bullies know their targets quiet well and recharge them-self off people perceived weaknesses.

Would it be reasonable to suggest our hearts are specifically what they wish to hurt, under seige, what they lack and are enviously resentful of?

I wonder if we were to see life through our STBX perspectives, how terrifying it would be to discover one was really incapable of loving, lacking sense and self respect. Perhaps why we are possibly are such threats.

My STBHX takes his cues/training from his favorite movie the "Duce Bigalo the all American gigalo." and the "Dirty Dozen". He thinks he is such a clever, kool kat, to pick on and crush his wife/kids...

I am praying for you and trust GOD will get us through this mess eventually.