Here's some fun and games for you all...

- Stbxw moved very far away to a different state.
- Just sent me NEW divorce settlement agreement. She got the terms wrong (shorter and cheaper in my favor), our marriage date wrong, and by the terms of residency for her new state does not yet qualify for divorce in that state.
- She is involved in a sordid cyber-affair with some guy (I hope it's a guy) and has cc'd me several times to show how she's moving on with her life.
- She has a sudden interest in getting our tax stuff done... that coincides with an interest in getting a boob job (she has gorgeous breasts already btw)... that coincides with her new cyberflame pressing her for nude pictures.

I swear... just when you think things are behind you and you're going to be free to move on and start healing.

Her Cybersex lover emailed me to ask if the pic she sent was really of her. I have been sitting on it for a while because to be honest... I just don't care. I talked with her the other night... and asked her how the cybersex guy was and she apologized for having copied me... said she had broken off contact with him weeks ago... etc etc... she still loved me.

The next day I replied to her cyberlover ('Shane') and cc'd her (Rahny) as well. I don't understand why all the lies at this point. It doesn't affect me very much, but I'd be lying if I said I had achieved transcendant apathy yet.

Here's all the emails:
________________________________________

Hello its me Rahny!

Eric you and I have discussed things and I do hope that we can get the divorce resolved and both be able to move on with our lives. I hope you can get the papers sent back soon, it would be very much appreciated.

I have been e-mailing Shane for a bit now and he and I thought it would be best to not meet in person until the divorce is finalized. I hope that we can work this out and both move on with our lives. I am copying you both on this. Thank you for you care and concern about the people that I meet. I feel ready to move on and I hope you can also.
Rahny

--- Eric <tover26@yahoo.com> wrote:

You are close to the last person I'd want to hear
from. You should ask Rahny to tell you about who that person is. Yes, we are getting divorced. We've been separated for some months now. I'm glad you think she's beautiful. That was a picture of her, like she said, from July 4th, 2002. I always thought so. It seems that Rahny is ready to move on. If you're asking for my permission or something... let me give you some advice - you should be focusing on HER not me you idiot.

Thanks for the self-serving advice on the divorce. For you to write me, you two must be pretty serious by now. I'm not sure why you'd write me at all. If it was to confirm your questions; they're answered. It's like she said... all we talk about is legal and divorce stuff. When we talked last night about legal and divorce stuff, she claims she doesn't even remember your name now and told you to stop emailing her. If she had any feelings left for me at all, she wouldn't be involved with you right?

Maybe I should be asking you if you are who you say you are... but I don't care. Rahny must trust you to go into some of the details she did in that one email set I saw. Whoever you are, I hope you respect that trust. Incidentally, since I'm copying Rahny on this email, I just want to point out that [NAME] doesn't exist in Utah period. Given enough time, I can usually find anyone on the internet; it's part of what I do. And Rahny, the stereotypic moron on the internet involved in cyberaffairs are: 1) married people cheating, and 2) teenage boys. For your sake, I hope you know what you are doing.

Eric

----- Original Message -----
From:
Sent: Friday, April 11, 2003 2:17 PM CMT
To: 'Tover26@yahoo.com'
Subject: Some questions for you

> Hi,
>
> My name is Shane. I think your ex-wife copied you on an email me to a week or so ago. I'm probably the last person you'd want to here from. Anyway thats not what I'm writing to you but Rahny is. I'm really getting into her and I was just wondering some things.
>
> First of all, are you really getting divorcd?
>
> Does she really look the way she does? I mean, she's so beautiful and god shes fun! - what were you thinking?!?
>
> Lastly, I want to say that I'm divorced myself. As some one that has been there and done that, I just want to tell you that you need to let go and move on. Get the divorce taken care of. You both need to be free to move on. Specificaly, she needs to be free to moveon, and I really want to meet here.
>
> Shane

<small>[ April 17, 2003, 11:58 AM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

Lyxa:

This "shane" character doesn't seem to have learned a damned thing from his DV. Sadly, though, like I posted to one of your other threads, I don't think you're ready for your own DV. You are far to wrapped around what your W is doing. You haven't let go.

I have no idea whether you should actually DV or not. Most people can change, and though it might not seem like it, that probably includes your stbxw. It's your call, though.

I think it's regrettable that you've validated this twit Shane by responding to him in any way. Ignoring him altogether would have been a better plan.

Take care,
-Qfwfq

<small>[ April 17, 2003, 12:14 PM: Message edited by: Qfwfq ]</small>

You're right. I should have ignored him, except that I know/knew she was in a torrid cyberaffair with him and she lied to me flat out. I had to call the lie for what it was.

And, you are right about my not letting go. It's very hard for me. I still love her. My dv decision was purely based on logic and not on being ready to do it. She can't change. If she had demonstrated that ability in our 5 months of reconciliation, I'd be with her right now. Since she left, this cyberaffair has validated the logic of the dv decision and made the gulf between us even larger.

They always talk about the fog lifting... I have yet to see it happen... she just transfers her fog from one person to the next.

Lyxa:

I see from your sig line that the DV was settled on V-day?

You might get some mileage out of "going dark" like a plan B. It will protect you from having to follow the ugly details of what she's doing and how that affects you, plus it would remove you as the guy she updates on her cruel, self-destructive and stupid behavior.

Just an idea;
-Qfwfq

If your divorce is settled, you shouldn't worry about her. If it's in progress, you shouldn't worry either.

It's interesting that she would put you in a position to comment on this new relationship...I don't understand her motives. Is she trying to incite some type of reaction from you? I think your response was appropriate, but you should probably go dark for a while. Let her find someone else to confide in...

By the way, this guy seems like a moron. It validates the whole shallow state of people only interested in looks and fun. My X is a beautiful and fun woman too. However, she cheated...that's what is sad. These women are going to end up with lowlifes like this who will say anything to bed a vulnerable woman.

Well, she "accidentally" copied me on an email to him. So, he got my address. He emailed me to confirm her identity I guess and to get a rise out of her.

...and I "accidentally" cooked my lunch that I'm eating now....

And it keeps getting better and better... I guess from a recent email from my stbxWW to me that her lover said I had emailed him again. I didn't email her or him. Hardcore No Contact policy in place since all this started happening.

I have no idea what his game is, but he seems like a real winner.

Yes, I think she was trying to incite a reaction. In Maryland, divorce takes 12 months. In her state it can take 2 weeks if I cooperate. She's trying to file from there for the advantage of being able to say: I divorced him. The dv papers she sent me were ludicrous. They invalidate the MD agreement we reached and well, I'd have to be a moron to sign them... or just looking for someone to really screw me over again financially.

So, with that background, she was trying to show me how much "she had moved on" as a way to convince me to sign. I know her. She does this. It's a cycle.
- She wants something.
- She does something vaguely related and manipulative.
- She gets vicious when "caught".
- She gets really angry and mad trying to get a rise out of me.
- If she gets her way, she beomes self-righteous if apologetic.
- If she doesn't get her way, she becomes super lovey-dovey and sentimental and sexy until she gets her way... then the self-righteous thing starts up.
- Rinse and repeat through 6 years of marriage.

So, I'm going to go "dark" as you. It's a new thing for her. I'm guessing she'll take it out on this new guy.

<small>[ April 19, 2003, 10:42 PM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

Let her be able to say she divorced you...who really cares??? I'd sign an agreement if it was fair. Tell her to amend the terms to what you had agreed upon and then sign it.

My divorce agreement says that she divorced me...oh well. I know what the truth is, so does she. The court really could care less who divorced whom and for what. Mine was done in two weeks and I am actually happy for once in a long time. The push and pull game gets very old after a while...

As long as you get a fair agreement, go ahead and sign...if you are ready.

Yeah, it's not fair though and that's the problem. Plus, I hate to admit that I kind of enjoy the notion of not cooperating with something like this especially after she dragged the Maryland settlement out for 4 months. Were it just the matter of her being able to say she filed... you're right; who cares?

Think that just like the cooked lunch thing that this is no accident. She may be pushing the dv on in this state so she can show new bf that she divorced you. Make things look like you want her back, thus she's more desirable. That is a seventh grade girl trick.

Anyhow, don't sign unless it is fair. Proper division of assets will prevent stuff like what happened this year to me. We had to wait b/c wh did ot provide the disclosure information and all financial documents and wanted me to blindly sign a dv agreement without my seeing what all was on the table. Lovely aren't they?

As for the email, it was definitely a set up from the get go. Lights out my man. Removing yourself from this nasty scene all the way around will protect you and help you heal too. I am in B and have been for some time. I even have had levels of b and are down to defcon 1.

Best of luck and don't enable her. Don't sign unless it is good for you in the long run ok? And this guy sure sounds like a real winner (lol).

LOL

Thanks NotPeachy. He does sound like a real winner. She just called, for Easter, to remind me how much she loves me... and oh by the way Shane mentioned I had emailed him... and would I be so nice as to call her back? More about how much she misses me. Just so that it's clear... except for the email I posted here, I didn't email him a 2nd time - why would I?

I FEEL TRAPPED IN A JR. HIGH SCHOOL SOAP OPERA!!! If you have Defcon levels of B, I'm a nuclear sub running silent and dark... deep beneath the arctic ice. I think I'm going to change my tel numbers tomorrow too. <sighs>

NotPeachy, I left a long message for you on your other thread. I hope you get it.

Lyxa:

If you don't have caller ID, get it, and then don't answer the phone when she calls. Why should you?

Don't respond to her emails and don't send her any, unless it's to discuss the DV.

If she loves you, she'll pull her head out of her nether regions and stop this silly DV (and get herself straightened out!!).

Take care,
-Qfwfq

Thanks. She can't stop the dv. At this point, I'd have to be suicidal to take her back. I won't let myself. I'm moving on. But she's still in the mind-game mode.

btw, you all rock. Thanks for the great replies.

Wow! Is she trying to get your approval or something? This is very strange behavior that you are posting...

Your guess at her behavior is as good as mine. Maybe she is... most likely it's part of her cycle of vindictiveness. She's proving to me that she doesn't need me and has and is moving on with her life.

She sounds like a nut. Borderline personality disorder?
Now I understand.
Just so you know. Some of us are straight forward, no games, women.
I'm so sorry.

Aly

Lyxa:

"She's proving to me that she doesn't need me and has and is moving on with her life."

Wrong. She's proving to you that she DOES need you and is incapable of moving on. If she didn't need you, and she could move on, you would never hear from her. She wouldn't need validation from you.

She's a mess, Lyxa. But that doesn't mean she's evil.
-Qfwfq

lol

Sometimes I feel like the one with borderline personality disorder as the drama goes on and on.