Hi all,

Things have been pretty hectic in my world this past week, but it just keeps getting better. My dad was in a car wreck with my 2 boys, everyone was ok but still was pretty scary, then I get home and my Tv explodes....I keep receiving emails from my stbxh professing his love for me and has gone so far as making me a flash website telling me how much he has loved me. My stbxh has switched gears as of Friday of last week and now wants to try to work on our marriage, that he sees how much the therapy has helped me and how I am doing what it takes to make a change in my life. Well he says he now has to do his part and do the same and that is why we need this time away from each other due to when we get back together we will appreciate each other more. Well I don't feel the same way he does and I don't know if I am being stubborn but this is how I am feeling.

He left me and the kids on Mar 3, he would not talk to me or the kids for 2 weeks, if he did it was always a fight, he told me he wanted a divorce and that I was crazy that he no longer wanted the marriage. I tell him I am hurting and he tells me to get over it. He was very cold to me. I have all the responsibilities of this kids, house, bills, etc......he has none. I work full-time busting my butt to just be able to put gas in my car and he is planning boating trips with his father. I bearly have time to sleep..he can sleep all day. He has all the freedom in the world and someone else is footing his bill.

Well he is coming Friday with his father to get a uhaul and take his stuff back, (this is a person that wants to get back together but is leaving yet again) He has reserved a room for the kids and I and him and his father. He wants to spend the entire time together, take the kids swimming and on Easter egg hunt. I don't know what he is thinking, that I can just forget the pain I have been in and the kids too. Each day he is gone leaving me with everything I resent him more and more. Help

Just because he has an idea of what he lost, doesn't mean he will work at making it better.
He probably wants you to change, but make no changes himself.

Stay strong, and really know how you feel about things to help you through this time.
Happy Easter.
Remember the purpose of Easter - to celebrate Jesus's death and resurrection. It is a time of reflection and renewal. Move away from things that didn't work in your life and open yourself to new ways and new ideas.
God bless you and your family.

Well to give update, he called me last night and informed me that his plans are to move back to our town in the near future, so he will just be visiting and will not be taking any belongings except for some more clothes. Don't know what he is thinking or what is going on in his head but I have decided to go ahead with my plans and just see what happens, if he wants us bad enough he will do whatever it takes to make it work but I can't hold on emotionally it is just too draining. Pray for me to be strong, I thank all of you for the wonderful support.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mommax8:
<strong>...Don't know what he is thinking or what is going on in his head but I have decided to go ahead with my plans and just see what happens, if he wants us bad enough he will do whatever it takes to make it work but I can't hold on emotionally it is just too draining...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Exactly right, I'd say. If he's really going to turn his life around, he's going to have to prove himself not just to you, but to himself as well. If you try to meet him halfway at this point, you could both end up being more damaged than if you let him go (at least for the time being).

At least, that's my opinion...

mommax8,

I think you have the exact right attitude and you've made a very wise decision. I'm very proud of you for figuring this out so quickly!!! It took me about 2 years to finally stop listening to my sbtxH's "promises" and let him ACT. I kept thinking "maybe he means it this time..." or "maybe this is the miracle I've been waiting for..." Finally, 2 years later, I came to realize that he would promise his brains out just to get me re-involved in the relationship, not follow-through on his promises, somehow blame it on me.

Mommax8, you are wise to continue on with your plans. There really is no need to RUSH into divorce, yet at the same time, there is a need to protect yourself and your kids at this time. Don't listen to the WORDS he says, no matter how loving and romantic they are...listen to his ACTIONS. I've heard you say a couple of times that he is happy with the way you've been changing and counseling you've done...but what has HE done?? Has he found a counselor for himself? Does he attend AA meetings or something ON HIS OWN?? Is he working on his own issues, or is he just putting all the responsibility for the relationship problems on you (and so, "if you fix yourself, we will be happy")??

I know this sounds a little mean, but it really isn't. It may be that he really and truly has decided to do what he needs to do to win you back and reconcile the marriage (and I hope that's the case!)...but measure by his ACTIONS not his words. You are not being "selfish" or "demanding" to set your own limits and tell him what your limits are. You are not being "judgmental" to ask him to work on his own issues before reconciling. That is NORMAL, mommax8...and healthy!! Okay??

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers this weekend because I know it'll be hard on you. I went back to my stbxH time and again, hoping each time that it really was my miracle. Then I very wise friend shared this thought with me: stop waiting for the miracle and start living as you need to--if the miracle happens, good; but if it doesn't, you are still living as you need to. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Wise words, huh??

CJ