Well, everyone, it HAPPENED <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . Today we are divorced, except for signing the documents <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . The documents are to be to the judge by April 30th.

It was like going to prison <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> . Husband and I sat at my house last night and discussed settlement. We would of never been able to settle this with a mediator. I found that SNL has nothing to feel towards me. He would of used me if I didn't have an attorney. I am not intuned to all the legal matters. And as most of you know, SNL is much more informed in that aspect of life. So he would of beat the crap out of me. I found out more information by having a 2nd opinion yesterday with another attorney. This was very helpful in my decision making of settlement. Some things I learned from the lawyer I told my husband, and some things were kept from him.

I didn't feel very well today <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> , leaving the sight of the judge. I felt sad, and very much unloved <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . But this is what SNL wanted all along. So now he has his divorce and can go live his happy life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Live his life doing whatever he wants. He wanted this from day one, and he got it. So when he posts here, he will sound happy, and alive. Good for him.

By the way SNL is going to live with his mother. So now he is getting the house done the house he has been living in (his hovel), and he will live in the back bedroom, and now he is going to have a deck put up for the back door. Before when his mother was going to live there, he said the deck could get done later. But now that he is going to live there, a deck needs to be built. I found this out for sure by him. And his mother has set boundaries, so we will see if he respects her boundaries. If not, there is a good chance she will tell him to leave. SNL told me how much money he did make last year. I knew it was a lot, but I didn't know the exact amount. So I was told and yeah, it hurt to hear, and I am going to have to live on $15,000 a year. Plus I have 3 older children living with me. And today, once again he and the oldest daughter said, demeaning statements. I told him I am going to get rid of comcast, get rid of extra telephone lines, no a/c going to be on this year. Living on $15,000 a year is going to be hard. I am still on doctor orders, needing to take medications yet, and doctor wrote a note yesterday no work again till next visit.

SNL can work, can do whatever he wants. He lives in his HOVEL all by himself, and shortly his mom will be living in the same house, her house she bought 3 years ago.

Live makes a big turn here. I am asking God for help in getting me through the next 3 years. Hopefully I will be in school and out by then. Still trying to get some grants for battered wives, and still trying to get some other grants for stay at home wife.

For the younger women, don't be a stay at home wife, get a nuptial agreement before you marry, so you don't get screwed like I did.

Yes, I am bitter, yes, I am sad. Husband speaks of how much money he earns, and criticizes me with what little he is to give me. I would love to see him live on $15,000 a year. And it is taxable. So I won't even be getting the full amount.

Anyways, that is life. Life sucks and then you die. Mother in-law statement.

But now, I don't have to hear SNL swear, cuss, demean me, I don't have to hear him state how terrible I am at answering the phone and how I don't listen to him with doing the business. Cause my lawyer said the phones can stay, but I am not responsible for the phones at all.

If need be, I will try to find some job, under the table, to make some money. I will continue to sell things out of the home. I get the possessions here. And I will sell stuff on e-bay.

By the way, I don't know if I can, but I am selling Marriage builders tape sets. I need the money - LOVE BUSTERS, HIS NEEDS HER NEEDS, 2 workbooks '5 steps to romantic love', 1 workbook never used, one 2 pages filled out only, Give & Take book (brandnew), and Surviving an affair (which has highlighting in the text). If I am unable to sell them here, than my e-mail is Tazziblack@hotmail.com. Also, have other books about marriages. I need the money, cause I am going to have a hard time making it on $15,000.

I won't be posting much anymore. But now SNL can have the board to himself. Whomever he wants to call himself now. I will lurk around to see what is going on, but as far as giving advice, I am not the one to ask. I have failed, and my marriage is over. I have retained my maiden name and my married name for my children, I hyphened my name. Will be long to write, but this is my new identity. God gave me parents, that gave me life. I thank God for my parents. I thank God for both names that I was given. I thank God for my husband giving me wonderful children. Not much more to say, but it is DONE!!!!!!!!

Dear Faith4me,

Hugz dear. You have been through the roughest woods of your life and come out on the other side..... U survived. I know it doesn't feel like it yet but you did. We can see it.

Deck or no deck..... that will not bring SNL happiness. OW or no OW, that will not keep him happy. House in AZ or no house in AZ, could be more of a liability than an asset.

Again, I fail to see where SNL's choices are going to make him happy. Too bad because he used to be such a wise guy..... now he is just a wise guy. U reading this SNL????

Back to U Faith..... your children need to get their act together and soon. Ask them to help you out on the Ebay stuff but becareful who you sell to. Do your research on their buy and sell history and use something like paypal. Also remember to include the shipping cost so that you don't lose $$. Sometimes the shipping cost more than the item. Remember the buyer wants a bargain but you don't have to sell 'em the shirt off your back!

take care hon,
L.

Thanks Orchid. Yes, my oldest son is going to help me with e-bay. And he said we would use paypal. Will be getting educated, and he told me about looking for those who are deceitful.

It hsa been a long 3 years. Divorce took 1 full year. Now I can move on, get really downsized, and the kids are going to have to know what tough love is. They will have to help pay for the bills, and if they don't like it, find somewhere else to live. I care about the 3 older ones, but I am not here to be used. Father has made life very easy for them, but on $15,000 a year, life is not going to be easy for myself.

If they want to stay and have all the amenities, they can ask dad for money to pay me. After all dad is going to be living free at his mothers house.

Need to get going, going dumpster diving, and finding things to sell at the flea market and garage sale. Made a jackpot last year, with one house of their garbage. I took 3 van loads (full size E150 van) and found some jewelry worth some money, and antique jars, frames, and more. So that was a worthwhile trip making 3 trips. I did ask the people first if I could take what I wanted, and they said, take it all. Cause the pile was all the way down their driveway which was about 100feet long.

New life, new name, new identity. I am still keeping my name here, cause I like my name, Faith4me. Can devote more time now to my church, and family there.

Thanks, Orchid. T...y.

(((((((((((((((Faith4Me))))))))))))

I&#8217;ve followed your trials from afar. I pray that with the closing of this chapter that the next chapter of your life my begin filled with all the hopes and dreams that you possess. That being said, I&#8217;d like to share with you a couple of verses from Romans 8:

31 What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, will he not also give us all things with him? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies; 34 who is to condemn? Is it Christ Jesus, who died, yes, who was raised from the dead, who is at the right hand of God, who indeed intercedes for us? 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written, "For thy sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

May the grace of our Lord be with you and your family always.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

Faith4me,

You are absolutely right that it is unwise to be a SAHM. It is clear, not only from my personal experience, but from reading here, that no one can be trusted. Even though in many cases I think it is best for the children, especially if you have a lot of them to have a parent stay home with them, it is far too much of a risk. No matter what you do, not matter if you have a prenuptial agreement, many men will be able to get out of paying much child support, not to mention alimony. I have become convinced that one of the primary reasons men leave during long term marriages is that they do not want to support their families anymore - and they especially don't want to shell out money so their kids can go to college. It is so easy for them, when they are middle aged or older, to just choose not to work, or to work at some low-paying, but easy job with great hours, and find a woman to support them. There are thousands and thousands, perhaps millions, of women out there who are more than willing to buy themselves a gigolo.

Bill - thank you for the verses, and for the true meaning of our Lord. I am thankful that during this difficult time I found a great church to attend, and the people have been there for me. Divorce is so ugly, and so hard on the family. I will have a hard time living on $15,000 a year. I went through the bills with my daughter tonight, and I started crying. Will be so hard. I am so into getting stuff sold and getting the stuff out of here. I might have a big moving sale very shortly. We talked, and it might be called a moving sale, and then tell them we are going to have many more. The moving is long term, so I need to downsize and keep only what I need.

Nellie, yes, I think that women should take into account that a stay at home mom is the one who gets screwed. They are the ones who devoted their time and life to their family, and in the long run get kicked out on the street and then have to survive. I didn't get to do things I wanted to do for all these years, and now I have to try and make a living! This is so unfair, and so unkind.

My husband makes darn good money, and he stated to his lawyers, he doesn't really care about me any more. This is going to be tough. I do feel he has screwed me big time.

Tonight we got into an argument about answering the phone. I am no longer responsible for the business phones. That was made clear at court. He knows that, and I will no longer watch the phones. I told him that I will at $20/hr. I have been doing this fulltime since 1990 after my injury, and now he wants me to continue to work for free. No way, I need money badly.

Anyways, tomorrow, trying to clean my bedroom up and get things on e-bay and put an ad in the paper. I do the free ads, to take and get more money. Time to sleep, last night was a very bad night. Bronchitis is getting better, antibiotics are doing the trick. Just wish I could get rid of the cough. Still a irritating cough. Goodnight everyone. Good night SNL.

Faith4me,

I am sorry you have been put through all this. Now it is time to quit letting him get to you. Any unfinished business the lawyers can handle. There is no need to take his calls on this subject any more. Move on, hang up on him when he tries to talk about anything other than the kids, and you will be much happier.

Take care and good luck with starting a new life.

ANNA

Hi Faith4me,

I am a loss for words, but there probably are no words that can bring comfort to you this moment.

I believe your future is brighter than you can imagine right now Faith4me. Keep on your path for recovery and healing while you are taking care of your daily business. Trust that God will lead you where it is best for you to go, both spiritually and geographically.

Take care Faith4me

Faith4me,

I'd call the phone company and have all business lines closed down..TODAY!! That way they won't be calling your house <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And get yourself a new number..

If they are business lines...then they should be billed to the company name..and the company owner is responsible to pay that bill..

And if SNL would like for you to continue to be his receptionist/sec. then tell him he will have to pay you as any other employer would pay an employee..and you will be expecting a weekly paycheck..and you will only work for X amount of $ an hour..

Please search the internet and find another place to post your heart. I know you didn't want the divorce and he did. This is going to sound sick but I sincerely believe this: SNL takes great joy in your pain. You sharing your pain just affirms him he did the right thing. You have a precious, beautiful heart and it is your job to protect it. By posting here you are giving SNL full access to trample it again.

Proverbs 4:23
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.

Matthew 7:6
"Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.

Please take care of yourself. You can have a better life without SNL. This is your time to grieve, so grieve, but know this: joy comes in the morning.

Thorned Rose - you know SNL, I have told him that he is to pay me X amount of $ for working per hour. Well, he started out with, I am not going to pay you anything. You are being unreasonable. So I am going to call my lawyer, Monday, and say, okay, how can I get the phones out. I am not responsible for the phones, and once again, I am watching the phones again today. I am recording the hours I have watched the phones per day, and he isn't going to pay me a damn nickle. See, this is the SNL that said I will take care of my wife. I knew, he wouldn't, hold up his end. And the divorce is only been a few days old. He won't old his end up about watching the phone and paying me. I am going to get this solved one way or the other. And present this to the judge if needed. I am so sick of his controlling, ballistic behavior. He was told by me that he is not allowed to this house without my OKAY. He is not to come over talking to the kids. He is to talk to me. After all this is my house now, and he has his house in Arizona.

Luv&protect - yes, I need to move out of here. I need to move where Mr. SNL doesn't know me. I am looking into another sight, cause I want to meet people in the same situation, and how to deal with the ballistic attitude of a controlling husband.

The other thing, he has got his mother so wound up. He is going to live with her. And now he is telling her what he is going to do. I can't stand this anymore. She is a good woman, 72 years old, and having to deal with a son, that isn't putting her interest and well being before him. I would have never thought that my husband could be so selfish and unloving. But hey, he is, and his mother is going to have to deal with him. I am done dealing with him in an intimate way. I basically tell him how it is going to be. And if he talks to me in a uncaring manner, I hang up.

<small>[ April 19, 2003, 08:55 PM: Message edited by: Faith4me ]</small>

Faith4me

Why call your lawyer? I mean..it's your home, the phones ring there..call the phone company and let them know the business is no longer located at this address...and let them know SNL's new address in order to forward any unpaid bills to him.

And another thing...you KNOW he's not going to pay you..so why do YOU do this to yourself and sit around the house answering the phones for him?? You do have some choices here...

1. Have the phone lines disconnected..(a matter of picking up the phone..calling the phone company and asking them to disconnect the lines)

2. Turn the ringers off so you don't have to listen to them ring..

3. let them ring off the hook and ignore them, and drive yourself batty listening to them..

4. Answer the phones and continue to complain..

<small>[ April 19, 2003, 07:48 PM: Message edited by: ThornedRose ]</small>

Thorned Rose - like today, I had no intentions of watching the phones. Our son, watches the phones, he leaves, and tells the girls and me to watch the phones. I have told the girls I am not responsible for the phones anymore. Cause I am not getting paid, and I told my girls I am having to live on $15,000 a year. Anyways, the son left. I am cleaning the house, and then the girls say they are going to the gym. I said, whos watching the phones? They said you are. I told them I am not responsible for the phones anymore.

Thorned Rose, you have never lived with this man. If I don't answer the phones, he will be all over me in no time. If I happen to answer the phones, like the other day, and I told him I am wanting $20 a hour. He looks at his ID at his place of living, and says what was this call or that call? I said nothing. He will say, so and so called at this time, what was it about. I said nothing. He won't just let it go, he is a controller, and I didn't tell him anything more, cause it was a nothing call. He hates to not have control over every aspect of life.

Like tonight. I got stuck watching the phone. He called to see if there were any calls. Daughter asked me I said no, and I wanted to talk to him for a minute. I said, where were you since 1pm. It is 8pm now. I said I am not responsible for watching the phone. He says did I call his mother to see if she could answer the phone. Once again I said I am not responsible for watching the phones. I was tied here, couldn't do anything. I want to start walking, but couldn't leave. He told me what is your responsibility for the kids if you don't watch the phone. Once again, I am a a**hole of a person. He sees me as doing nothing but sitting on my butt and twiddling my thumbs. He doesn't say, one nice thing. Just puts me down with these disrespectful words. He doesn't say, anything like, I will do better and try to get someone else to watch the phones. He places all the blame on me again. Thorned Rose, you haven't lived with this guy, and this man is so selfish, and disrespectful, unthoughtful. Not once did he say, thank you. Not once did he say, yes you are not responsible, just more of the crap of how crappy of a person I am.

I am going to church with the kids tomorrow. I have asked them to go, and tomorrow is our first service in the new building. I miss having my family attend church with me. I miss knowing my children are with God. I miss having them get involved in a new church, and with the new people. My oldest son has a kid that he went to school with, that attends the church. I would love for him to get involved in this church. Anyways, tomorrow is going to be a good day, we will be servicing in the new church, and my kids are going to go with me.

This is what I want. I want a christian man, who loves church, loves God, wants to read the bible with me. Wants to study the bible. I want to grow with him in the church. I have always loved God, and wanted to grow with him. My husband didn't want to read the bibble on a regular basis. He didn't want to go to church on a regular basis.

Maybe one day my husband will see that church is to be in his life. That God is to be in his life. Maybe one day, he will attend church on a regular basis. I would love him to go to my church, but he said he doesn't want to do anything with me. So be it.

These are hard days, and I am cleaning out the house little by little. Getting things ready for garage sale. I need to downsize, and make some money, since husband is only giving me $15,000 a year. Ain't going to make it on this amount. Showed the kids, and they see why I am stressed out. I showed them the utility bills, and I said that is not even including groceries, gas money, taxes, my car breaks down, health. I said, kids, I am not going to make it, and that is why I am going to get the other bedroom painted, cleaned up carpet cleaned, and get a renter in that room. Hopefully, that will give me some extra income. The kids are not going to like it, but that is life, and that is the way it is going to be. I need to make money, and with my back and neck aching, I don't know what is going to happen. All of a sudden I am so sore, and really hurting today.

Everyone have a blessed Easter, Christ has risen. Celebration for our Lord.

Hi Faith4me,

I'm glad you are still posting on the Divorced Forum! Many people here can help you identify the baby steps you can take that will enable you to focus on what you are responsible for (yourself and minor child) and just cut loose what you are not responsible for (snl's wants or needs).

It won't be all that long before those difficult first baby steps turn into Faith4me happily skipping away from snl's attempts to keep Faith4me to himself and Faith4me meeting his needs that he wants her to meet--without his reciprocation. And it won't be all that long after that happens that Faith4me will be whistling while she skips away from snl's bull-oney!

You're on your way Faith4me--at snl's insistence, not your choice--and now is the time for you to start letting REALITY sink in for snl while you learn to live with your new reality.

Faith4me, I have suspected for a while that this period of time in your life (life AFTER divorce) is why there was so much crap between you and snl over your posting here....

** Did you notice that the closer the divorce got to being finalized the more he poured on his bull-oney over your posts?

** Did you notice how he stepped back from pouring on his bull-oney whenever your focus went off of you and went back to giving up and giving in to him?

** Did you notice that when your posts became about YOU and ways for you to deal with his bull-oney that were in YOUR BEST INTEREST, the person who "wanted this divorce so much" and "couldn't wait to be rid of you" dragged out finalizing the divorce over and over and over again?

Well, the divorce is final now--and he can no longer rely on you to continue to try to become a better wife to him while he is not making any attempts to try to become a better husband to you. Really Faith4me, there were reasons he kept pointing out to you that the divorce wasn't final yet and that you two were still married--and for quite a while it looked like it wasn't because he was "in such a hurry to get rid of you" as you thought--for as long as you were legally his wife you honored that, as I'm sure he knew you would, whether he honored his end or not.

The divorce is final now--time for you to allow the REALITY of that sink in for him--he no longer has a wife. Go ahead and feel badly for him having to deal with that reality, there's nothing wrong with feeling badly for him--you know how hard that can be by your own struggle in dealing with the reality for a long time that you didn't have a husband throughout this process. It is also time for you to concentrate on the new realities of your life--one of the biggest realities is that you no longer have to take the bull-oney you thought you did! Hooray!!!

Faith4me, do you remember one of your posts from a few months ago where you mentioned that he told you that the people here are not real? If he really believed that then why did he care so much about what anyone thought about what you wrote in your posts, especially on an anonymous board? Here's what was probably too real for him Faith4me--the RESULTS OF YOUR PROGRESS in your own healing and recovery, and your starting to identify unacceptable behavior and starting to set and enforce healthier boundaries for a healthier relationship. But we all know that it takes two <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . Faith4me, I hope you don't mind but I still hope that snl finds his way one day. I still think he deserves it as do your kids, your future grandkids and you.

Well, wasn't this was a very long explanation of why I am so glad you are still posting here Faith4me LOL. I hope you continue to post at MB or even just lurk other threads that deal with the same issues you are dealing with.

Now, back to the current situation....

You said:
"Anyways, the son left. I am cleaning the house, and then the girls say they are going to the gym. I said, whos watching the phones? They said you are. I told them I am not responsible for the phones anymore."

Faith4me, did you give them a clear NO that you would not answer the phones? They already know it is not your "responsibility" but they also know that you take on responsibilities that are not yours when it gets dumped on you. I think it was realistic for them to expect that you would answer the phones.

One of your first steps is to be clear about what you will or will not do, and then follow through with your decision. You don't have to explain your reasons, if they want to know they will ask and then you can decide if you want to explain or not.

This same situation could have played out like this...

"Anyways, the son left. I am cleaning the house, and then the girls say they are going to the gym. I said, whos watching the phones? They said you are." I said No I Will Not Watch The Phones.

Then when "He called to see if there were any calls. Daughter asked me I said no" your response could have been I Told You I Would Not Watch The Phones And I Didn't.

Then if snl got involved with you about it you could just state to him that seeing to it that the phones were watched was your daughters responsibility so that's who he should talk to about it--then hand the phone to daughter.

Not your responsibility, not your problem.

It could have played out like this too....

"Anyways, the son left. I am cleaning the house, and then the girls say they are going to the gym. I said, whos watching the phones?"

Erase the question you asked--that's not your responsibility either (but it was nice of you to bring it to daughters attention). Then if snl got involved with you about it you could have said The Phones Were Not My Responsibility At That Time, If You Want Me To Be Responsible For The Phones At A Certain Time I Can Be Hired For X-Amount per Hour--Payable IN ADVANCE (heehee, had to throw that in there cuz you know you wouldn't get paid after the work was done <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ).

Faith4me, there are many ways this could have played out differently--and YOU get to decide the different way you want it to be, isn't that great?!!.

And there are many people here who can help you with your first baby steps Faith4me. You could think of it as training for down the road when you are the experienced one who is helping someone else get started, it's how everyone gets their training--so stay here as long as you need to or want to ok? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Take care Faith4me

Faith4me:

--Thorned Rose - like today, I had no intentions of watching the phones. Our son, watches the phones, he leaves, and tells the girls and me to watch the phones. I have told the girls I am not responsible for the phones anymore. Cause I am not getting paid, and I told my girls I am having to live on $15,000 a year. Anyways, the son left. I am cleaning the house, and then the girls say they are going to the gym. I said, whos watching the phones? They said you are. I told them I am not responsible for the phones anymore.

TR- SO WHY DID YOU ANSWER THE PHONES??? It wasn't your responsiblity...YOU COULD HAVE LEFT!! YUO COULD HAVE UNPLUGGED THE PHONES!!

As I've said before..Call the phone company and ask that they disconnect them...if your kids choose to work for their father and be responsible for answering the phones..then let them..

--Thorned Rose, you have never lived with this man.

TR- Your right, and YOU DON'T LIVE WITH HIM ANYMORE EITHER!!!!

--If I don't answer the phones, he will be all over me in no time.

TR- If he calls and begins yelling at you..HANG UP THE PHONE!!!

--If I happen to answer the phones, like the other day,

TR- AGAIN---HAVE THE PHONES DISCONNECTED!!

and I told him I am wanting $20 a hour. He looks at his ID at his place of living, and says what was this call or that call?

TR- Say I don't know...I didn't answer the phone..

I said nothing. He will say, so and so called at this time, what was it about. I said nothing. He won't just let it go, he is a controller, and I didn't tell him anything more, cause it was a nothing call. He hates to not have control over every aspect of life.

TR- that's HIS PROBLEM NOT YOURS!!!Let him get angry...if he comes over to your house and attacks you call the police have him arrested..
If he yells at you on the phone..hang up on him..
yes, it's THAT EASY

If he call's back and yells again..hang up again..

Like tonight. I got stuck watching the phone.

TR- NO, You didn't get stuck watching the phones..
you CHOSE to watch the phones..YOU HAD A CHOICE!!!
Watch the phones..or don't watch the phones..

hmmmm...

When he called to ask if there were any calls you could have said..I don't know..I didn't answer the phone..and divert the question to whom has taken on that responsibility for their dad...Son was supposed to be watching them..ask him. Daughters were supposed to be watching..ask them
Take yourself out of the equation..

He says did I call his mother to see if she could answer the phone.

TR- you could have asked him...DID YOU ASK your mom to watch your phones??? Again it's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBLITY that someone watch HIS PHONES!!

He told me what is your responsibility for the kids if you don't watch the phone.

TR- Did you ask him HOW HE Figures it's YOUR responibility to watch the phones??

Once again, I am a a**hole of a person. He sees me as doing nothing but sitting on my butt and twiddling my thumbs.

TR- Who cares how he see's you anymore...You can sit on your butt all day and twiddle your thumbs that is no longer HIS CONCERN!!

He places all the blame on me again.

TR- Place it back on HIM...

Thorned Rose, you haven't lived with this guy, and this man is so selfish, and disrespectful, unthoughtful. Not once did he say, thank you. Not once did he say, yes you are not responsible, just more of the crap of how crappy of a person I am.

TR- Why should he?? He knows your not...The problem here is---You haven't figured that out yet..yes, you say it..but you don't believe it yet..

This is what I want. I want a christian man, who loves church, loves God, wants to read the bible with me. Wants to study the bible. I want to grow with him in the church. I have always loved God, and wanted to grow with him.

TR- That is a wonderful thing to want..

Maybe one day my husband will see that church is to be in his life. That God is to be in his life. Maybe one day, he will attend church on a regular basis. I would love him to go to my church, but he said he doesn't want to do anything with me. So be it.

TR- He is no longer YOUR HUSBAND...Don't worry if he goes to church or not..Let God worry about that..You only worry about YOU..and Your relationship with God..

I need to downsize, and make some money, since husband is only giving me $15,000 a year. Ain't going to make it on this amount.

TR- Sure you will...and your kids are adults..ask them to contribute or move out..

The kids are not going to like it, but that is life, and that is the way it is going to be.

TR- It doesn't matter what the kids like or don't like about what you do to your house..

READ THE BOOK BOUNDARIES!!! And Re-read the Book Boundaries...and Put it into place in your life!!!

Faith,

Take the phone. Unplug it. Toss it in the trash until new number is given. He is not in control any more.

And you cannot worry about him anymore. Yes you can pray for him. But he's not your responsibility at all. Nope. And focusing on you, steps forward and to financially better yourself and emotionally better yourself and kids is the path right now to be on.

I can no more help my stbxh than help the man in the moon right now. And that has been left up to God only. Let go and let God deal with it now. Like your name here at MB, faith 4 me. You have faith. That's fine. But don't place your values on someone else. Others may not be able to understand or appreciate your values system. One of my buddies, he's an attorney and he and his wife are some of my dearest friends back home in TN. He is constantly reminding me that I can't apply my values' system when it comes to making sense of anything that my WH does at all. IT can't work because he doesn't have those values period. You can't fix everything. That is what faith is for. Sometimes you have to let go to let God deal with the situation.

And sure, financially it stinks right now. But focus on you and find out what you CAN do. We're pulling for you to start anew. Get involved in a divorce recovery program at a church. Figure out a new way to make some new friends. This can be a time of growth insted of a time where you feel like you are set back. Divorce stinks. And it is not a good place to be at but it can be a starting point to a stellar future for you. Apply your name and take your faith and put some back into you and absolutely love the sovreignty of God. He is in control. He's absolute. And you can let Him have these things that we cannot ourselves control. Hey, it is better that way. Live impeccably and SNL will have to stand back and watch as you move ahead in life positively.

Yes, Yes, Yes, I am to work on myself and only myself!!!! Not responsible for the phones, not responsible for anything he does. I am going to work on myself, get myself organized, sell things, downsize, move on, hopefully go to school, get a parttime job, and pray. I know this is necessary for my moving ahead. And yes, we are divorced, according to the legal matters, all we have to do is sign the paperwork. Everything else is settled. He is a free man, and I am a good worthy woman.

I have done a few things to change myself. Had my hair permed, so it is bouncy and fuller, and has a body perm in it. I like it alot. Trying to lose the weight I gained, was underweight at one time, now about 12#'s overweight. Did some walking with the dogs out to the field yesterday, my neck and shoulder are quite sore. Trigger injection doesn't seem to be helping. But I am going to lose the weight, and start walking, and maybe start going to the gym in a week or two. SNL did get me a 1 year special rate at the gym, would be nice to get toned again.

We have 4 dogs. And the youngest, her name is Faith. She is a golden retreiver. Faith is a beautiful, sensitive dog. She is just 2 years old. A great dog, well behaved. Last year at this time, she brought us a wild baby bunny. I fed, comforted, and watched it grow, and we released it to the wild. Well, she brought us another baby bunny. I held the bunny in my hand, and asked Faith show me the bunny hole. She took me right to the nest. No more bunnies, and we looked around to see if any other little bunnies were around. So now I am feeding this little bunny, and its eyes are not open and its ears are against its head, but it is sucking the eyedropper of soy milk. I had to force feed it at first, and now it clamps its little teeth on the end and sucks the milk. Its ears are laid down, and the eyes closed. Shortly within a few days the eyes will open and the ears will shoot up. I remember the last bunny, you could acually see the little bunny grow from day/to/day.

I will ask the dog, (Faith), wheres the bunny. And she will take me to the cage we have it in. My oldest daughter brought home her kitties to live with us while she is living here. So it is safer for the bunny to be in a cage than a box.

Easter service was beautiful yesterday. We had our first service in the new church. My girls went with me. My oldest son didn't want to go, hurt my heart, but I can't force him (he's 19). My youngest son is in England till next Sunday with Advanced Placement History class. I made a Turkey dinner, and invited SNL over for dinner. He thanked me for dinner, and seemed to enjoy his dinner. I took a nap after dinner, cause my shoulder and neck have a deep tightness and pain in it.

When I got up from the nap, I took the dogs for a walk out in the fields, I talked to God, and had a group going with me. I had the bird (blue front amazon) on my shoulder, the 4 dogs, and our one unique cat (Shu-fu). Shu-fu is so cool, she follows the group, meows, and just trails along. Her little feet moving at a high rate of speed. She gets to the end of the fields, and comes and puts her paws up on my leg, to be held. So on the way back, I pick her up, and hold her in my arms, and I have a bird on my left shoulder, cat in arms, and the dogs by me. Of course, Faith the young thing, is racing all up and down the lane, and darting in and out of the woods, she had a great time. I have to keep my eyes on one of the geriatric dogs, the big white one. He walks carefully, and we take rests. But he did pretty well. He seemed to have energy and was wagging his tail with pride.

A new day, a wonderful time I just spent with God, and a time to get going on with my day.

If there are those of you who would pray for my mother, she is having surgery tomorrow on her L eye. She has cataracts. And she is having her left eye done tomorrow. There is some concern with a spot they saw. Will know if it is anything tomorrow. Would appreciate prayers for for my mother.

Thorned Rose, YetAgain, thank you for responding. I will get through this, and I will post here, to help move ahead. Talk to you later.

Why did you invite him to dinner?

That is not helping YOU move forward..and it's not helping him to learn that He has no part in your life to control you anymore..

You will find yourself going through a huge change. Your confidence will increase gradually. You will surprize yourself more and more.
Having less money will help simplify your life. I realize you are afraid that you won't be able to pay your bills. Remember Satan puts the ideas of fear in your mind to cloud your judgement. Pray everytime those thoughts running through your head. Pray for peace and calm. Ask for God to take control and LISTEN when he speaks to you.
You were me 3 years ago. I have learned a lot about the law over the last year. If he is bothering you he is violating the peace part of his orders. File a motion with your lawyer, call the police if he get's violent or threatening. Most of all, and I know it's hard, pray for him. When we pray for people who hurt us God will deal with them. The more you harbor evil and angry feelings for him the more it will hurt you.
I'll be praying for you to find peace, calm, strength, and direction. Open your heart and it will come.

your friend,

Aly

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Having less money will help simplify your life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is simply not true, and no one who has ever had to worry about keeping a roof over their children's head would ever say such a thing.