I've been fortunate to have married my bestfriend...But this is something i feel i need to outsource for a solution. We've been married for a little over 2 years but have been living together for over 5 years (by the way i'm 26 and he's 28). Before we got together and we were just friends, I have always talked about how I wanted children. I even attempted to get pregnant at a very young age, but thank God I was not successful. Obviously, I just wasn't ready at the time. I decided that it was best to wait till I was married. We got married with him knowing how badly I wanted children. After two years of marriage, I believe we are ready to have children. He's been putting up obstacles/excuses, whatever you want to call them, to reasons why we should wait. His latest reply is I'm scared and don't feel I am ready. For the first time in our relationship he is letting me down. I am quite heart broken. No matter how much we talk this out I cannot change his mind.<P>Can someone please give me some advise?<P>------------------<BR>Underneath a layer of blue

Gen,<BR>I wouldn't really say your H has let you down. It sounds like he's being very honest with you. Believe it or not, your still young and have time yet. (to this 42yr old point of view anyway) I'm not saying that to belittle your desire for children, but I think you might want to back off some of the presure on your husband. Maybe focusing on his doubts and uncertainties would be helpful. Get your hands on some material and discuss it together. If you really think about it, no one is prepared to have children. I'll bet I can get a resounding Amen from the group here on that point. Keep the faith. Continue to nurture your relationship with your husband. Don't let this issue (which may be temporary) drive a wedge between you. Hang in there, I'm sure there's a lot more experience out there yet to come.<P>On a personal note: When I married my W, she had a 4yr old from her previous marriage. The X flew the coop and I knew up front that I would be the only father figure this boy had. As a result we decided to immediately start our family so that the children wouldn't be so far apart in age. I will never regret that decision, but I truly believe our relationship suffered because we never had a period in our marriage where it was just the two of us. Cherish these years. It's not just a decision to have children. Your H surely realizes that having children means he has to share you. Did you think of this? I know I get jealous of anything that takes my wife from me. (Selfish I know, but true) So....Good Luck. You two are just at the beginning of the adventure. I envy you!<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B

<small>[ January 27, 2005, 04:14 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Thank you for your kind words...they really touched me. It's not the first time someone says to me and us that we are still young. I need to hear perspects of others outside our circle of friends and family, it helps me to step outside myself and our situation and look in. Again, thank you and I will keep your advise in mind while I wait (patiently) for my husband to come around...Best wishes to you and your family.<BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Brent:<BR><B>Gen,<BR>I wouldn't really say your H has let you down. It sounds like he's being very honest with you. Believe it or not, your still young and have time yet. (to this 42yr old point of view anyway) I'm not saying that to belittle your desire for children, but I think you might want to back off some of the presure on your husband. Maybe focusing on his doubts and uncertainties would be helpful. Get your hands on some material and discuss it together. If you really think about it, no one is prepared to have children. I'll bet I can get a resounding Amen from the group here on that point. Keep the faith. Continue to nurture your relationship with your husband. Don't let this issue (which may be temporary) drive a wedge between you. Hang in there, I'm sure there's a lot more experience out there yet to come.<P>On a personal note: When I married my W, she had a 4yr old from her previous marriage. The X flew the coop and I knew up front that I would be the only father figure this boy had. As a result we decided to immediately start our family so that the children wouldn't be so far apart in age. I will never regret that decision, but I truly believe our relationship suffered because we never had a period in our marriage where it was just the two of us. Cherish these years. It's not just a decision to have children. Your H surely realizes that having children means he has to share you. Did you think of this? I know I get jealous of anything that takes my wife from me. (Selfish I know, but true) So....Good Luck. You two are just at the beginning of the adventure. I envy you!<BR> <P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Hanora,<P>Since my message, I've been taking a good hard look at our situation and I've come to the conclusion that there is time. You are right on to say that there are so many more things that I would like to enjoy with my husband as a couple before we start a family. And, yes I do volunteer at a low income daycare...it is a comfort to me to be around children. I can't say I'm not going to stop feeling what I feel, but at least it is of great comfort to hear other perspectives on our situation. Your words I will take to heart, thank you and best wishes to you.<BR> <BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by hanora:<BR><B>Well "we" aren't ready, you are he isn't.<P>Buck up he's telling you the truth and that's worth a heck of a lot. We were married 11 years before our first of 3 was born and had a lot of fun. Put the baby thing on the back burner for a while, you have lots of time. Travel, take classes, adventure. You will both be better parents in the long run, more ready to focus on those little beings.<P>If your maternal yearnings are overwhelming (and I am not being sarcastic) there are big sister programs, girl scout leaders, cub scouts too, helping out with reading at the local school. I did some of those before we had kids, after too. Every organization that deals with kids needs help, they mostly run on volunteers.<P>Take care</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>