Ok all I am very nervous, stbxh called me today and told me he would be arriving tomorrow at 3pm, he also decided not to get a uhaul because he is making plans to return to our town soon, because he just can't stand being away any longer.....of course he is still looking forward to boating with his father this summer. See the mixed signals...anyway, I have a pit in my stomach I am excited and happy for my kids and scared to death at the same time. I don't want to go right back to the emotions I had when he first left. I am terrified that I will be hurt again. I have made my mind up as far as the fact that I am not stopping anything until I see that he is going to make a change, he can talk the talk but his actions will have to prove otherwise. We are planning on having a really long talk while he is here but I really don't think he is expecting me to say that I am not ready right now because the pain is too fresh and the hurt of being abandoned goes deep into my soul and I may never be able to get past that....please pray for me because I would want nothing more for us to be together again, but I can't put myself or my children through this pain again.......

Hey there mommax8!

Stay STRONG and stay physically apart while he is in town. I haven't kept up with your recent posts, but don't enable him! He is the father of your kids and maybe one day they can have a decent relationship. BUT, he has addictions and mental health problems. Your post is full of fear, hurt, anger and not wanting to go through it all again, so dont! I have been reading all my literature from Al Anon, which helps me stay strong, especially with the enabling that the spouse of an alcoholic so often reverts back to. He has to take the steps to help himself and it make take a year or more for him to begin recovery from his additions. It's a long road and he may have to walk it alone for some time before you can rejoin the picture.

Wow. I hope I am making some sense here. My prayers are with you and your kids that God will envelop you in His loving arms and you will feel peace! Just remember to take it one day at a time and if that's too much, then one hour at a time. I'll be thinking of you all this weekend!

IrishLass

Praying for you. Keep on thinking that YOU HAVE to see some proof of change. He has to change and work on him before you can ever have a loving, marital relationship.

Do not expect anything from him and you will not be disappointed. As he talks, talks, and talks, tell him that when you see some real walking the talk, you will re-evaluate your situation. Then pray that God will show you the timing and real changes if they truly happen.

Every 3 weeks, my alcoholic WS would tell me that he wanted to get back together (this went on for a year and a half) and everytime I asked him if he did certain things to assure me that we could work things out, he would say "not yet". It was a long, drawn out roller coaster ride before I finally saw that he was changing nothing (the night before he was moving back to our home after separation, I drove by OW's apartment and there he was) Really changing things and preparing to work on M.....NOT. Reality is hard to take but it will prove a friend in the end. I am glad and happy to be away from the rejection, indifference, and dark cloud of living with an alcholic. I am amazed at how easy life is without all that aggravation, worry and trying to constantly make things better without any participation from WS.

TW

((((((((((((((ARMLOADS OF LOVE)))))))))))))))))

Dearest Momma 8, I can't imagine the myriad of emotions flowing through your heart and soul at this moment. I am praying for you, your children and husband.

You have every reason to hold on to your fears, concerns, resverations a good thing. Hold on..

IMHO-- Bi-polar chemical meltdown does need to be addressed and his system rebuilt.

Treatement center;; then marriage rebuilding.

Prayers, huggs, keep us posted we are in your court one step at a time!!!!