MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN MARRIED ONLY 8 MO. BUT LIVED TOGETHER FOR SIX YRS PRIOR TO MARRIAGE. HE WENT THROUGH THE TYPICAL TAKER STAGE FOR A LONG WHILE OFF AND ON. EACH TIME I PLEADED FOR HIM TO UNDERSTAND MY FEELINGS, AND IN TURN HE DID THE THINGS I ASKED HIM NOT TO DO MORE. <BR>WE FINALLY BEGAN TO LIVE COMFORTABLY WITH EACH OTHER AND THEN GOT MARRIED. ONLY A MONTH AFTER THE WEDDING HE WENT BACK TO IGNORING MY FEELING DESPITE MY PLEAS, AND TRYING TO STAY AWAY FROM HOME AS LONG AS POSSIBLE TO AVOID ME. HE VERBALLY ADMITTED THAT HE CAME HOME FROM WORK 5 HRS OR MORE LATE (SOMETIMES ALL NIGHT) TO AVOID ME. HE EVEN CAME HOME FROM AN OUT OF TOWN JOB EARLY BUT WENT TO HIS FRIENDS HOUSE, HID HIS VEHICLE INCASE I DROVE BY, AND INTENDED ON RETURNING LATE IN THE EVENING OR EARLY MORN. OF COURSE THIS MADE ME ANGRY, AND EVERYTIME WE WERE TOGETHER I WOULD NAG HIM ABOUT IT. FINALLY I DECIDED TO STOP CHASING HIM. I GAVE UP, BUT ALSO DECIEVED HIM ON PURPOSE AS REVENGE. I HAD A VERY CLOSE FRIENDSHIP WITH HIS BEST FRIEND BEHIND HIS BACK. WE TALKED ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIPS AND SHARED OPINIONS. NO SEXUAL RELATIONS WENT ON. IN A WAY I FELT GOOD THAT I COULD BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM. AND WITHOUT HIM KNOWING. <BR>THINGS BLEW UP IN THE END. THE GUY WHO I THAUGHT BECAME A CLOSE FRIEND IN THE END SPREAD RUMORS ABOUT US SLEEPING TOGETHER, AND MADE OUR FRIENDSHIP OUT TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS. SO NOW MY HUSBAND IS TORN INSIDE. I NEVER STOPPED TO REALIZE THAT WHAT I WAS DOING WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THAN HIS ACTIONS BECAUSE THEY WERE INTENTIONAL. MY HUSBAND NEVER REALLY UNDERSTOOD MY FEELINGS, JUST ALWAYS THAUGHT I WAS A NAG. WE JUST DIDN'T COMMUNICATE. <BR>NOW HE IS NOT SURE HE CAN GET OVER THE PAIN I CAUSED HIM. NOT ONLY AM I NOT ABLE TO CONVINCE HIM THAT I WOULD NEVER DO THIS AGAIN, BUT HE CANNOT BELIEVE THAT WE WERE NOT INTIMATE. AND I UNDERSTAND WHY, I COMPLETLY UNDERSTAND, I KICK MYSELF EVERYDAY FOR NOT THINKING OF WHAT MY ACTIONS WOULD HAVE BEEN PERCIEVED AS OR WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES WOULD HAVE BEEN. <BR>I LOVE HIM SO MUCH AND IT FRUSTRATES ME THAT HE DOESN'T BELIEVE ME. HE IS HAUNTED BY IT EVERYDAY AND DOESN'T THINK HE CAN STICK AROUND TO FIND OUT IF I REALLY AN SERIOUS. I CAN'T LET HIM GO BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I CAN NEVER HURT HIM LIKE THIS AGAIN, ALLS I WANT IS TO LOVE AND CARE FOR HIM. <BR>I KNOW WHAT I WANT FROM THIS MARRIAGE NOW AND I KNOW THAT I CAN BE A MATURE RESPONSIBLE WIFE. BUT I MAY HAVE LOST MY HUSBAND FOR GOOD.I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT.<BR>

This is an extreme suggestion but hear goes. He is convinced that you slept with your friend and you intentionally made it to appear this way as a type of revenge for his previous actions. He now no longer believes you and is talking about divorce. If it is true that you were not intimate then I would suggest that you offer to your husband to contact a lawyer and set up a polygraph exam to prove to him that you were indeed not sexual with your friend. I would think that should convince him or at least put him more at ease.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Bryanp:I am allfor it but being in the medical profession i have learned some things about the tests. When this subject comes up i become upset, with flushed cheeks, trembles, and i try to remain calm,(tears are streaming as i type) but i think the fact that this is my own doing and that it is one of the worst situations to be in makes me a perfect candidat not to do it. Maybe after some time i can pull myself together, but by then it will be too late. You have to imagine how frustrating it is to have someone you love be so detemined that you are lying when you are not. The other guy even admitted to trying to make himself look good in front of the guys he said the rumor to, but he is a liar too, in my husbands eyes. <BR>Do you believe time heals all wounds, and do you think there is enough time to heal this one?<BR> <BR><B>This is an extreme suggestion but hear goes. He is convinced that you slept with your friend and you intentionally made it to appear this way as a type of revenge for his previous actions. He now no longer believes you and is talking about divorce. If it is true that you were not intimate then I would suggest that you offer to your husband to contact a lawyer and set up a polygraph exam to prove to him that you were indeed not sexual with your friend. I would think that should convince him or at least put him more at ease.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

I did not think that it made any difference if you were upset or not when you take a polygraph test but I may be wrong. I would call and ask an expert if it would make any difference. There is another test called I believe a stress voice analyzer which can tell if you are being truthful.<BR>Here is another suggestion that may work. There are many psychologists that use hypnosis. Under hypnosis you will tell the truth. The therapist can tape the session or your husband can be there when you go under. <BR>You asked is it too late. The answer is no but there is a hugh problem if your husband believes after only 8 months in a marriage that you would try to make him jealous by being with another man. The fact that he now believes you were intimate of course makes it even worse. I have to tell you that some men are incapable of getting over the thought that their new bride has been sexually intimate with another man.<BR>It is why now it is absolutely essential you try hypnosis or talk to polygraph experts. You have to do something now as long as you husband currently sees you as a betrayer or indeed it may be too late. I would think if I was your husband and you told me you wished to be placed under hypnosis and to take a polygraph test then it would send a very strong message to me that you really were telling me the truth. I also believe that sodium penthanol (sp?) will make a person unable to lie. I wish you luck.

Has your husband had a conversation with his "best friend" to see what he has to say directly? Maybe this guy can easily try to pump his ego up by spreading rumors, but can he sit down with you and/or your husband and admit the truth that nothing happened to clear at least some of this up?<BR>

I have taken a polygraph. Your emotional state does not matter. They take a baseline...in fact, you take the same test three times. One of the three times you are instructed to falsely answer some questions so they have an idea of your false response.<P>DD