I would appreciate opinions or insight into the following situation:
My neice (husband's side of family) is getting married in a couple of weeks. Both husband and I (see signature line below) were invited. His immediate family (parents, siblings,and their kids) know about the ongoing affair, separation, and are hurt by it but as we all know, blood is thicker than water. However, extended family members coming to the wedding probably don't know any details, and possibly don't even know of separation.

He sent me an email saying he "didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable at the wedding" and offered to not go so that I could. However, it IS his side of the family, so it seems to me HE should go and not me. But then I'm torn - how will my absence be explained to those who don't know the story? Am I worrying too much about what people think?

I know I don't want to be there if H is there; I'd be too uncomfortable - and others might too. Also, it would give H the mindset that 'it's all OK and business as usual'. And I don't mind staying home, because I am going to a bridal shower for my neice. Any feedback would be welcome. I would like to respond to his email over the weekend. Thanks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ April 18, 2003, 06:09 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

If you want to go, go. It's up to you what you tell people.
My thought is that the wedding is the important part, not the reception. So if you think the social aspect would be uncomfortable, but want to see your niece get married, you can go to the church wedding only and forgo the reception.

I like newly's advice. Go to the wedding not reception!!!

But then I would want to go, my head held high and when asked what was up, I'd state in a very nice proffessional voice that WH is having an affair and that we are now seprated, it will put those busy bodies something of a set back!!! I would walk away and not continue the conversation, just stating the facts, and walk away so that you can't be drug into something more. You never know a boot in the pants by Aunt Bertha maybe what the WH needs. Know one ever confronted my xH with what he was doing and I think that that was a shame, he needed to see what he was doing from the view point of others.

Just my 2 cents, You will need to do what is comfortable for you, it's your family and you know what it is they can handle and what you can handle with them. My main thought is don't let him dictate to you what you should do!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi avondale,

I think you may have already answered your question.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I know I don't want to be there if H is there; I'd be too uncomfortable - and others might too.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If that is in fact truly how you feel, then I would skip the Wedding reception... not the wedding, and attend the Bridal shower.

I wouldn't worry too much about what anyone thinks and says... people will talk regardless if your there or not there.

Let us know what you decide.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

Newly - Thanks for posting. I hadn't thought of going to the wedding and not the reception. Duh! That gives me a new option!

Daybreak - I may have to use your advice about being bold at the bridal shower tomorrow, we'll see. You're right though, he shouldn't dictate what I do. Thanks for sharing.

Wallace - I am inclined at this point to not go to the wedding at all - simply because it hurts to see him. (That's what I meant when I brought up the question on TL last month about being in contact with one's spouse - sometimes it seems like it's easier not to know their whereabouts.) But I'm considering the advice that have been shared here. As always, thanks for the advice big bro! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />