Ive been really busy here. Spring has always been busy in my line of work (floral designer). Work has even been busier than usual because we have been swamped with making yellow bows, and I am not getting my other work done.

On the home front..I also make bows from my home and dont usually have business at this time of year...but Ive been in yellow bow land for weeks now and am finally getting a breather. On the plus side..they say war is good for the economy..and I was able to purchase a new bike and join a cycle club for much needed exercise and stress relief! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> My STBX and I really did alot together and riding bikes was one thing we enjoyed...Im not giving that up, will just find someone else who enjoys it with me.

Divorce has heated up. It wasnt happening fast enough for husband....so he filed a suit against me for .........

EXTREME CRUELTY!!

what a crock of crap. His own brother is mailing a letter refuting everything my H said in his suit. H laughed when I confronted him with his lies.. he said "court doesnt care what you write..they dont care who did what to who..all they care about is who gets what" Well that may be true..but I care. He hasnt lied enough and hurt me for 26 years and he,s not finished yet..wants to twist that knife a little more deeply?

His brother said he is really itching to marry this "girl" I guess he better make it legal quick before she realizes what a mistake she made. I also think maybe his mother has promised him money she has in trust for him as soon as he is divorced so he can make a new life.

In the meantime..he had his direct deposit switched, so when I went to pay the bills the other day, there was no money in the account. I have appt. with my lawyer on wed.

Now is the messy part. I was content to let this divorce happen in its own time, quietly. My lawyer was working on a legal issue concerning a rental property we own..my H legally screwed that up...there was some question as to my H wanting to sign that property over to me. We were concerned that maybe i would end up owing the lease purchase renters money, instead of it being an asset for me. So since my H couldnt wait, now he has really screwed things up, and D will now cost alot more money.

Now I am in the position to respond to his suit. Every little dirty detail of his life will be made public. My kids already know most of it, they dont know about how he raped me, but that will come out as well. So I will have to prepare them somehow. My D offered to testify about times she saw him kick and hit me. I dont want her to do that, but I never mentioned it to her..she offered. So I am in a dilemma everywhere I turn.

Now....to top it all off. H and his sis are planning 80th BD party for my M-I-L. Actually, MIL is probably demanding it. H called and told D that he wants her to do party favors.

Of all the times I asked his sister if I could help with all her showers and parties, and she never even returned my calls..now they want my D to do this?

First of all, it is a major job..for an adult and she has never done anything like this. My D works with me in a craft store. I know how stressful it is for me to have to do this, cost wise, themes, etc she cant handle this by herself

First of all, she has told me she doesnt want to do it, but it is for her grandmom..not her dad and is feeling pressured to do it. And now she is aproaching me for ideas, and I told her..dont even go there. Im sure that is what H wants..to throw this in my face. I am such a good person, he thinks that I will help her..but after getting lawsuit thrown at me last week....I dont think so.
And add the fact that my MIL has not even called once to find out how I am doing in the last 7 months. ( H is falling all over her as he wants that money she has so bad he can taste it. And I know when he gets it...first thing he buys is a new Camaro) So, her son is soooooo good. I must be the bad one.

And now...when H's brother called the other nite, they told me H is planning on having OW at MIL party. He has been really insistant that my kids attend. None of them want to..as MIL hasnt called them either to see how they are. but they feel resigned that they have to go out of false duty.

so, they have been telling me since this oarty was announced, that if dad had OW there, they would make a scene and leave, now they know in advance that she will be there and they are now not planning on going (youngest isnt talking one way or the other..and Im not pressing him)

So, thats where Im at....coping, but under alot of stress! Only coping with God's help. I couldnt do it without him.

And I was not accepted into the ultrasound program for this fall. There were 128 applicants and only 12 positions <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> , so maybe next year. Will take another semester of a course that will give me additional entry points.

thanks for being here
Dawn

{{{{{{{{{{dawn}}}}}}}}}
Wow, they just never stop do they? I don't know what to say except that I empathize as there are so many similarities in our situations - the addictions, the 20 something OW (even with a 5 yr. old child), the MIL who thinks her darling son walks on water no matter what he does, the SIL in my case, like your BIL who sees the truth, and the absolutely shameless behavior.

I don't have any suggestions how to handle any of your dilemmas - with the kids especially, that's so hard - except to support your D in whatever she feels is right, both in testifying and in making party decorations. Obviously no one but you is thinking of her feelings in all of this!

Sorry about the program, but have faith, I'm sure God has something even better in store for you!

Dawn,

Sorry about all this hon. He's just like Jethro and they are fumbling around in the dark. Has his mom, you MIL become senile or something? Maybe. Maybe you can call them the OUTLAWS also.

And why is it WS's like to show their butts on holidays or around them or special days? Like they are ready to flaunt it or something.

Don't fear. Stats are piled up to the ceiling against wh and OW. Matter of time my deary.

And I am in med field--nuclear medicine technologist. And many friends are in ultrasound. Call the admissions officer and ask what you could do to spiff up your entrance interview or get some more perks to add to the application form. I always think volunteering is a great idea. Volunteering helping with patients in radiology or ultrasound or something. That is a great idea. I was a very involved volunteer for about six months at my regional children's hospital. Got accepted into a nuclear program with only 14 slots and over 250 applicants. It was a B.S. program. And there is a great demand for both ultrasound and other health areas. Post this question about getting into ultrasound to Formerly Confused. He may be able to help also-.

Love and hugs to you my friend. Happy Easter.

Sunrise, I'm glad to hear you sounding so STRONG in all of this....Good For You!!

Sometimes I think the WS's just get bored with so much time on their hands...after all, we're bearing all the family responsibilities for the most part, the heavy duty decisions that they decided they didn't want to deal with any more, so they dream up new ways to torment us....and it gets our attention. In some strange way, they want that. Control, the name of the game.

My WH tells my daughter, if I've talked to him about something that I am "throwing" myself at him, begging him to come back. WRONG.
If I don't talk to him or respond to him in the time frame he thinks is appropriate,he says I'm not talking to him so he'll miss me and want to come back home. WRONG. Despite his belief, the universe does not spin around him. I don't talk to him simply because it is better for me if I don't. I let my attorney handle things. You let yours handle things too.

I feel for your daughter being put in the middle of something. Why do they do this to their own children? I know how hard it is to deal with the inlaws/outlaws. My MIL has been distant, cold and spacey since my WH left, like I did the wrong thing. Blood truly is thicker. Best to just ignore.

You sound great, you're doing well and I'm proud of you. Take care and I hope you had a wonderful Easter. Aren't we truly the fortunate blessed ones, as compared to the waywards, as we can celebrate Easter with true joy and real hearts?

They file the Extreme Cruelty to provoke you. The next step will be to claim you did something... and use that claim to get a Temporary Restraining Order. If you have kids, they'll time the filing of the TRO for after your spouse gets the kids. When you come to pick up the kids, they'll claim you violated the TRO and have you arrested. You'll spend some time in jail.

It's about the most spiteful thing you can do in a divorce. I think lawyers who support this are scummy [censored]. Lets give them the doubt and assume your spouse is lying to the lawyer too...

sighs

You need to counter the Extreme Cruelty immediately. And, make sure that you have someone with you when you drop off or pick up the kids. Discuss the above with your lawyer and make sure that you MEMORIZE your lawyers phone number and have bond bail arrangements made.

Sorry to freak you out... but this is whats being set up to happen 2 chess moves from now in your future.

Lets try, so nice to hear from you guys again. I know you three have similar situations to mine and you are understanding.

It was nice to have a quiet Easter dinner with just the kids and me...STBX hasnt even called kids all weekend. Just as well as I dont think I could stomach him calling to wish kids a happy religious day, when he is in such a sinful fog.

I told my D if she wants to do party favors to call H's sister..who always refused my help and tell her, if I am going to do these, Im coming over to your house and you will help me. That way she can spend some time with her aunt (always ignored her) she would get help, and I would not have to be confronted with it..also mess would not be in my house, and D would be able to use that time to refute the lies H has told her about me and the kids.

I know H has told his family that my children have not been to see grandmother because I wont allow it. Actually, I have encouraged them over and over..even today, kids refused to go see grandmom. They said, when grandmom calls here and asks how we are, then we will go see her.
MIL has called exactly 2 times in the last 7 months..once for 15 YO birthday, and once in Nov for 18 yo's birthday.

Peachy: I have been following your story. Im sorry I have been really busy, but I have been praying for you. Couldnt believe what your STBX did at the egg hunt. They are just so unbelievable. Satan must give them a little manual so they know what to do next to get to us!

Last week..just 2 days after getting suit papers from my lawyer, I went to my sons college track meet and STBX showed up. I was in stand eating lunch and saw H arrive, he didnt see me. After I was done eating, I left stand so I could go to field to get better vantage for picture, and some other parents I knew were down by steeple chase pit (my son runs..and his girlfriend) Had to go down steps near where my H was standing and he spotted me, stepped right in front of me and gives me a big smile. Asked if my son ran yet..wanted to chit chat..couldnt believe it. I didnt even respond at all..just sidestepped him and went around. he then said I didnt have to be rude..we could talk as friends!!!like, I didnt just get papers saying how I heaped extreme abuse on him and his family for 26 years, and now he wants to be friends??? I didnt even look him in the eye..said not one word and continued down to track, spent the rest of the afternoon in the company of sons girlfriends parents.

He has no clue what he has unleashed with this suit.

I have some things to do to increase my chances of getting accepted next year. So, things will work out the way God wants them to. Thanks for the encouragement there.

Broken.great to hear from you!! How is it with you? did you move? All in All, I know I tried my best and beyond to make our marriage work, its over, but still hurts. My H too thinks I would take him back in a heartbeat!!! He is really in the fog. No one, not even a Christian, has to be a doormat and take the physical, emotional and sexual abuse that I put up with. And his cruelty lawsuit is just more abuse he's heaping on me.

He doesnt know I have had a date almost every week since Feb!!!! Just friends...really, one I went out with twice, but they are all great friends, and that is so nice to have friends..both male and female after he had me isolated for so long. And that includes all you guys here!

Thanks, Love and Smiles,
Dawn

lyxa..we posted at the same time. I will probably be filing my own TRO on wed when I gio to lawyer. I have enough evidence of abuse and with him filing a hostile suit against me, I dont know what he'll do when he gets my response and my countersuit. He thinks,Ill just sit back and ride this out..not say anything for the sake of the kids..but he is wrong.

my kids WANT me to bring this all out in the open. He will be really angry when OW finds out he raped me..all the physical abuse, all the criminal acts he has comitted, if it does go to court..he could lose his job as he works for the state in a prison. So, if he is drinking, I dont feel I would be safe, and he still has key to house, so TRO would prohibit him from entering.

He doesnt have any visitation with the kids...they are all older. youngest is 15 and he only meets them for pizza about once a week for 45 min...great dad huh??? he hasnt even seen them for 2 weeks now..except he saw the oldest at the track meet.

I think the lawsuit was just exactly what he said it was..he is in hurry to get this over with..so lie to get what he wants.thats always been his way. I think his mom has dangled that money in front of him again, and OW is free to marry. She wants another kid and I think he is having his vasectomy reversed. well. he's not going to have the money to support that! well see how long this relationship will last!

thanks for your imput..hopefully, that wont happen.

Do you believe it???? STBX asked my daughter tonight if I was going to come to mother-in-laws birthday party. My M-I-L has been spouting husbands propaganda regarding the breakup of our marriage, and has not called me even once in the 7 months we were separated. Not even to thank me for the Christmas gift I sent her. Nothing.....2 phone calls to my kids. 1 for sons birthday...1 for daughters birthday. thats it...has not called even grandkids to ask how they are doing, and she wants them to fall all over her for her birthday.

My husbands brother already told me that STBX is planning on having his girlfriend there, and he just filed this extreme cruelty suit against me...claiming that I despise his mother and sister..so now why would I want to pitch my tent in the enemy camp? and why would he want me there?

One son is not even coming home for party (from college) and other 2 are planning a loud scene if he does indeed have girlfriend there. Youngest is being tossed about by all this like some kind of canoe in a tropical storm.

UGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

sorry...need to scream. Peachy, we should get together.