Hello,

I have been reading through this forum for some time now. I have debated on making a post for about 2 months.

I really dont know where to start. Everything is happening so fast. My wife of 10yrs has decided that she is not happy and has not been happy for about 8 yrs. I have always known something was wrong or missing in our marriage. When I asked what was bothering her she always said nothing. I know that I might have been listening to her, but never really heard what she was trying to say(if that makes since). We are both military, and she was away for four months. While she was gone I could tell something was wrong. Our daughter(4yrs old) and I drove out to SC to visit her while she was TDY. I could tell something was wrong right away I eventually asked what was wrong and of course she said "nothing is wrong". Always the same.

I would love to go into the details, but It would take a long time, so Ill jump ahead to the present. We went to MC(her suggestion), eventually we stop by her decision. Basically she has decided that she does not have the strength or desire to work on the marriage and that she would like to get divorced. This has all caught me off gaurd and I never realized that we had grown so far apart. I know that there might have been or is someone else. There has been infidelity on her part 8yrs ago. We never trully fixed our marriage after that happend(looking back with new eyes). The big problem is that we have a daughter who is to me, the most important human on this planet. We have started discussing how we will divorce. It is hard to discuss these things, when I dont want it to happen. But Ive noticed that the longer we stay in limbo the more resentment builds between us. I have orders that is going to keep me overseas for a year(I leave in 2 months), without the family. I dont know what to do. I am so completely lost. I do not know who I am anymore and feel like I never knew my wife. I want to live with my daughter. I just dont know how or what to do.

Good luck friend. Have faith in yourself and in your daughter. Take things a day at a time. Find friends and other resources to help stay in touch with your daughter. If she's the most important thing, treat her as such to the extent that you can and don't confuse that priority with other things.

I am trying to keep from bothering her. Though it seems so impossible to do sometimes. So, of course I chose to discuss our situation again. And of course the same out come. This is an inditcation that I should probably stop using same approach huh?

But I am hurting bad. I cant seem to enjoy anything right now. I have to force myself to put on a happy face for my daughter. This has ended up being a really hard weekend for me. I ache, and hurt so bad. I cant believe this is turning out like this. We try to go and do normal things, as a family; dinner, grocery store, easter egg hunts, ect... Through all of this there is no true comunication. I have resently been told that when I walk in to a room, she instantly becomes annoyed. Its hurts to hear, but it is also (for some strange reason) good to hear her feelings.

Im going to have to let go, I know this. But it seems so hard to do. I am losing every thing that really means something to me. I feel like Im on a loose dirt cliff, and I am holding on for dear life, while being pushed off at the same time. Im just not sure who is doing the pushing, me or her. I wish I could have known or done something before it got to this point. I need some advice on how to view the future. I hate feeling this weak.

<small>[ April 21, 2003, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: Bnugg ]</small>