Hello

My husband wants to separate. He says he no longer wants to work on "us", he stopped going to counseling with me, won't read books, etc. This is really a big mistake, and something I do not want.

But how do you repair a marriage when your partner won't work at it, or wants to repair it?

Eileen

I am in the same situation with my wife. Its seems that the harder I try, the worse it gets. I am working on letting it go, for I know that I can not change my wife's mind. She must do that on her own. I am very sad and broken, but I will not let a divorce ruin my entire life. The only advice that I can give, is to try your best, pray alot, and know that you are not alone. Its not over until it is over!

It's plan B time. The more you cling and try to hold on, the more it will validate in his mind that you need to be separated. Give him a No Contact letter, study up on Plan B at this website, and good luck to you. Hopefully, it'll work and we won't see you in this discussion anymore.

<sends good vibes your way>

Eileen and Bnugg,
I am sorry you're both here at MB but this is a great place to find support and help.

You both need to make sure you've read up on ALL the articles on this site; buy any appropriate books by the Harleys too. You may also want to read "Love Must be Tough" by James Dobson. Lyxa is right, the more you cling, the more that trait works against reconciliation. Read up on Plan A and Plan B...in fact, check out those forum boards here at Marriage Builders.

It is very hard to work on a marriage when one partner isn't interested. But don't you want to make sure you did EVERYTHING you could to keep that from happening, if it does? If my marriage ends (by my husband's choosing) I don't want to have any regrets by giving up too soon.

Eileen and Bnugg,
Whatever you do do NOT push.. I had the same problem with my W too. She has been in her own Apartment for over a month now. When all this first started happening I was holding on for dear life trying to get her to stay and eventually come back. Nothing came of that but more fighting and her wanting to be away from me even more. So I figured I would move on and hope for the best. I also have my Daughter with me, that helps. Anyway, since I started living for me and my Daughter my W has been a lot more responsive. We haven't fought in weeks, she actually invited me over for dinner a couple times. Then this past weekend was crazy. I ended up going to Myrtle Beach and she found out and was calling me like crazy. Started to show massive jealousy, kind of made me feel good but it also ruined my weekend at the beach. I was glad to know she still cared though. There is always hope. That's what I keep telling myself. Just try to live life for the future. Plans can always be changed if your spouse comes back into your life. If not, you'll be on your way to your new life. Everything will work out in the end.

Let them go...you will feel much better. It is pointless to try and cage them in your home.

Have you ever tried to put a cat in a pet taxi? The more you try to push it in the cage, the more difficult and angry it becomes.

It's possible that they will go and find out that the grass is not greener on the other side in time to save your marriage. If you have done your best to show that you are a good spouse, but they refuse to turn from their errors, there is nothing more to do. Let them go and make their mistakes.

Let him go.......my EX wife did the same thing. She wanted to seperate for 6mo. to see how things went (really to have her relationship with the guy she was having an affair on me with)....but, she filed for divorce 3mo. later out of the clear blue. I could not believe how fast she filed....it was like I was out and she was in the clear. She is so unhappy now.....single mom of 2 and the guy she was having the affair with decided to work it out with his wife. hahahahaha!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

No, it’s not Plan B time.

It is time for you to read Survivng An Affair. It is time for you to read, Dr. Harley’s Basic Concepts