Yes, you read it correctly. My X, engaged to Clicketty Clack and divorced from me since January has had a change of heart and asked me tonight via phone AND email for a second chance.

I said no.

Why? Well, I think his reasons for wanting me back are to do with the realisation that he stands to lose big bucks very soon when the settlement is finally through, and also the fact that he knows I am dating, and I actually like the guy may have something to do with it.

I could not believe my ears or eyes. I would have given everything to hear those words from him not so long ago, but this time they did not even touch my heart. It was more like an 'Uh oh!' feeling.

Now, for me it is too late. But maybe it will give some of you out there hope that there may come a day that your WS wants YOU back. I pray that it won't be too late for you.

Love and light,

Jacky

WOW.

Jacky, you must have been stunned beyond words.

You may well be right about your belief that he has "alterior motives" in his request, but after all you have been through, the way he has treated you, doesn't it give you a great sense of satisfaction that, as my kids used to say, "the worm has turned"....

Maybe that is the wrong way to feel, I prayed again last night for a chance for reconcilation with my WH and I would be eternally grateful to God to get a phone call like yours. But still....Good for you for being so strong. I know there are many others on this board who have followed your posts longer than I, but I do sincerely wish you God's blessings and continued peace.

Thanks Broken....I really wish you do get that call some day.

Here is a little thing he said he told CC yesterday....he told her that he now felt that their relationship was just pretence. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Oh he also said this whole thing was the biggest mistake he has made in his life, that he had lied to me when he said he never loved me, that he would regret what he had done to me forever. But not ONCE did he say he loved me, not that it really would have mattered if he did, not at this point.

My Mum said "What comes around goes around". She is still very hurt and angry at my X. She and my Dad have lived through this whole thing with me, and are fully supportive of my moving on. AND they really like The Tall One, too.

Oh well, I think it takes rock bottom....he now has no family, no job come the end of May, no girlfriend, and no money. Hmmmm, how did I see all that coming one day? Did he listen? No. He even admitted it was something he had to work out himself. Well now he has, but I have worked on MYSELF, and I like who I am now. So does the Tall One! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Love and light,

Jacky

Jacky,

Why won't he have a job?? I must have missed something..

And did he say how ms Cc responded to his new found revelation??

Jacky - I read that and was like oh my god... I wish for that phone call - but not so we can get back together - but because I just want him to admit that he screwed up and screwed us over... I am very proud of you that you were able to say NO and really mean it.... Good for you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TR,

He has a contract which will run out at the end of May, and he is yet to pick up employment anywhere else.

As for CC, I said it must have hurt her when he said that....and she apparently just said "If that's the way you feel, I am leaving." To which he said he thought that was best....

Maw, yes there is a certain satisfaction, but a tinge of sadness remains. If the man had even thought about all of those things up to six months ago, I may have told him yes...but I close the door, and I am happy with that decision.

Love and light,

Jacky

Good for you!
My soon-to-be-X did the same thing to me a few years ago when we split up. I let him bac and found it was the biggest mistake I ever made.
He continued with her behind my back until that relationship ran it's coarse.
Now I know he just came back to cover his b___.
I'm divorcing him now because he has a lot of problems and I don't want them to be mine anymore.
He's already started about getting back together but I'm strong enough to stand my ground this time.
I told him to go back to his doctor and get help. Only when he comes out of denile will he understand why I've made the choice.
I listen to Joyce Myer and I've learned that God doesn't want me to live with someone who wants to control me and keep me away from Him.
I'm leaving my direction in life to God. It's hard but everyday I work hard to make the right choices.
Keep your chin up and remember; If it is ever meant to be God will make it happen.

Take care,

Aly

{{{Jacky}}}

Well, all I can say is that you did everything you could, became a better person, and will continue in that over time. Your ex is looking for a quick fix on his situation and still probably hasn't done any work on himself that would change anything.

As your mom says, what goes around comes around, and it sounds like it's his turn. I'm so proud of you and what you have accomplished for yourself and your children! You deserve a Tall One in your life.

Lori

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jacky,

I agree that it probably has A LOT to do with the fact that you're not sitting at home alone crying anymore. Men are so territorial that it kills them to see another guy move in on 'their' woman---even if they don't want her themselves.

I think you've made the right decision. You know the old saying "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ME".

Lots of smiles for happy Jacky! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

They always want what they aren't getting and soon can't have. I think every wayward spouse wants to believe that you're still madly in love with them.

This is OH SO TYPICAL! Straight out a textbook. No surprise here. For those still hoping this will happen to them take note: Something happens in your heart when you have healed and reached the point of no return the WS somehow feels it and wants you back. Its like faking plan B doesn't work. It only happens when you sincerely believe and no longer desire to be with your WS. There are exceptions to everything but typically this is the way it works.

I'm glad Nina that you are not swayed or tempted to re-enter a relationship where someone is capable of treating you the way he treated you. Congrats on your personal recovery!

That is it, isn't it? They somehow pick up on it....he said he could here it in my voice.

A lot of people ask on here when do you know you are over it....well for me, the answer is when he asked to come back, and I knew I didn't want that anymore.

Yep, he wants and always has wanted what he couldn't have. Hmmmm, maybe when I did want him back I should have dated....but then I wasn't ready to date.

What keeps going through my head is are the words he said to me before he left, when I was trying to convince him to stay. He said "Too little, too late." Well that is how I feel now.

And no, I will never go back to my X, because I have had much time to analyse what went wrong, and fix up myself to be ready for another relationship. I have seen my marriage from a distance, and realised how emotionally abused I was, because when you live it, it is really difficult to see. Or you see it, but keep thinking it will get better. When sadly, it should have been good all along.

I believe he is grasping at straws, and I am well aware of how insulting that is to me....

I just had a thought. He was not going to be back here (if at all) until the end of June because he and CC were going on a month's holiday. I guess that's now off so he could be back in as little as six weeks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Well, he had a saying...."The old wheel of life will turn, and sooner or later when it stops, it will be on your number." Guess HIS number is up.

Love and light,

Jacky

Laughing so hard here... the kids come to see what's so funny...

I smelled this one coming as soon as your tone changed with the final divorce and with the Tall One....

Amazing how something just out of your reach always looks so much more appetizing when something right under your nose... the one that's been devoted to you... escapes the field of vision.

Badabing!

We change, we grow, and suddenly - we realize just how amazing we are.

It takes quite a guy to handle gals like us Jak - we are Wonder Women. We have been there and back and made it.

That ex of yours just won't cut it for you. At one time sure... but not now. You need someone who will realize and appreciate every waking second how lucky he is to spent time and share our lives.....

Did ya know I'm kinda workin on one of those myself?! Yep. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I've also disentangled myself from the care and feeding of [censored]... when you have time, there is a thread on EN, No Longer Draggin The Wagon.

You go girl, and keep up the good work.

Love you,
E <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ROFLAMAO!!

Oh, Jackster, I'm not surprised at all! First, you are such a STUNNING woman that it was only a matter of time until the true "you" shown through even HIS deep fog!! Second, I also firmly believe that even WS's who persist and marry their OP's eventually realize what they have lost and what they gave up in order to be RIGHT BACK WHERE THEY STARTED (because they never worked on themselves!)

(Shaking my head)

It's so WEIRD isn't it?? WHAT ARE THEY THINKING?? Like you, a few months ago I would have given my eye teeth to hear those words from my stbxH--that he realized the mistakes he's made and he wants to work it out. But now...now I feel like I wouldn't even WANT a man in my life who was capable of abandoning his wife and children TWICE...who was capable of having numerous affairs but never admitting it...and who was unable to work on himself. Who would want that kind of man??

And what's really odd is they don't see that. They don't see that they have deserted their family and responsibilities; that they have done harm and damage that is not repairable; that they have betrayed and broken any possibility of a bond; and that at the VERY least, they had equal responsibility in where they are now! All they see is that "they need" or "they are lonely" and they expect to be fixed and made to feel better.

(Shaking head again)

Well, you know what? I'm proud of you! I am SO very proud of you. You have come SUCH a long way, and I think you are finally starting to see in yourself the smart, funny, interesting, capable, strong, sensitive, caring, gentle, awesome, wonderful Jacky that we have always seen. Congratulations on the Tall One! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

CJ

Glad you are doing so well.

Hi Jacky-

I haven't been here in ages, but saw this and had to reply. After following your story and admiring your strength for so long things really have come full circle. We all knew they would didn't we? I am so happy for you. I wish you the best with the tall one and am glad that you have found the peace and happiness that you so deserve.

Take care and God bless!
K

OMG! I am doing a little dance. CC is gone! The wicked witch is dead...Ding dong the witch is dead the wicked witch..the wicked witch.

And I am sorry your xh had to find out about real life the really hard way.

Let's see how his heart breaks when he sees you and tall one and hears now of your dating and walks in your shoes. Except that your shoes don't amke that annoying clickety clack noise.

Well Jacky, someone mentioned your name on my thread over in GQ, and I am glad I came across your thread.

I'm still knee deep in the drama of my H and I. I want him back, he's undecided, and is very reluctant to treat me well. I've been nearly the picture of perfect remorse and sincere desire to make things work.

He was a controlling H, and probably somewhat emotionally abusive too.

I've been counselled to look after me and put me first, and just move on with my life, that this is the only way to wake him up. You're living proof that it works. But like you, I sense that maybe I can be happier with someone who is not so controlling or emotionally abusive.

You give me hope my dear! Way to go on getting to this point in your life.

If you have any advice for me, I'd love to hear it too.

Jen

Yeah, what she just said.
I found out today my H misses me. He's lonely.
Oh well, too bad for him. I've had it with the roller coaster.
Stand strong!

Aly