this is a email so i can not get into all of what i am and have been going through. my husband works about 70-80 hours a week. not because he has to but because he does. he is a wonderful provider and i appreciate that. he grew up in a very unstable family. parents divorced at 7. never saw his mother after that. lived with father. father had 3 marriages and treated and still treats women very badly. degrating and abusive.<BR>my husband has pushed and shoved me on several occasions. always been very demanding and controlling. we have been married 7 yrs and have 2 kids together and 1 from my previous marriage. we moved to a new area and for about 1 1/2 yrs i stayed to myself and didnt socialize much because he didnt like it. for the last year though i have made friends with several people on my block. my children play with theirs etc... see and talk with eachother on a daily basis. about 1 time a week we have a bottle of wine. <BR>the other night i went overboard with drinking (done that 2-3 times in the last year) my husband came and got me at one of my friends house at 2 in the morning. the kids were inside sleeping. everyone else had left to go home. well, i had gone to get changed and then i went to hand my friend a cigarette. i was wearing only a towel. nothing ugly happened at all but my husband walked in at that moment and thinks that we were hiding a man down there or something equally ugly. he now has banned me and my children from seeing them and their family. we no longer are allowed to talk with the neighbors or see them. it is very difficult for my kids because they played every day. it is hard on me with one of my friends because we are best friends.<BR>my friends are thinking that this is a control thing. i dont have access to money, my name is not on any checking account, savings account, stocks, mortgage, or anything of that sort. if i need money i have to go to him and ask for it. he claims that is because i cant handle it. now he has decided that we are going to move. he will let me know where and when. says that i dont have a input.<BR>friends think that i should leave but i am not sure. he states that he will go to counseling, but he has said that before. also says that we will start going to church and part of me thinks that he is sincere in wanting a family and happiness.<BR>any and all input is so appreciated. please forgive me for the length. i tried to compact it as much as i can.<P>thank you!

Even if your H won't go to counseling I think you need too.<BR>He is very controlling and that never makes for a good life.<BR>In my own life I would find it personally degrading to have to go to my H and ask for money like a child. Open your own account, slip money in from time to time. You should never leave yourself in the dark about family finances. Ask him to teach you and show you. Tell him it's just in case something ever happened and to a point that wouldn't be a lie.

I agree w/ shedawg.(I usually do) But I would even go further. You will have to take a stand. Remind your husband that marriage is a partnership and that means that you support each other.<P>Eventhough he is the primary bread winner, your job of mother and housekeeper counts just as much as his paying job does in the laws of most states.<P>You should insist on being joint on all checking and savings accounts, the house deed/mortgage, all credit cards, you should be joint on all car titles, etc. This is very important because you need to establish your credit worthiness.<P>If he keeps you in the dark as a kept women, and the worst were to happen (Death or Divorce) you would have one hell of a time trying to survive.<P>I agree that you should see a counselor, but encourage your husband to go as well. You may even want to see a lawyer. In many cases, this type of controlling behavior is viewed as "Spousal Abuse". It certainly would be for me. It's going to be difficult to get him to do these things.<P>So, I also agree that you need to establish your own accounts. Checking/Savings and Credit Card. You don't have to use them, in fact you probably shouldn't use the credit account without an income of your own, but establishing them will help you build your credit worthiness. Good Luck!<P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B