Well my WW has been gone for about a month now. She has been living about 10 minutes away and I've seen her pretty much every weekend to drop off our Daughter. This were really rough during the first week or so then I stopped trying to pull her back into our marriage. Since I've done that things have seemed to be a lot better between us. We haven't fought in over 2 weeks and seem to talk more openly to each other. The thing is she pretty much told me from the begining that she didn't want to be married to me anymore and she wanted to be on her own so she can be herself. She wrecked her car about a week before she moved out and its coming up on time to pay for the repaires so she can get it out of the shop. I've been going out of my way whenever I can to help her out because she doesn't have a car. This past weekend I told her I was going to Myrtle Beach with some friends and she started acting like my wife again. I couldn't believe it. She had wanted me to leave her alone to do what she wanted but when I finally decided to do something she started to act like she cared. I was very happy though. I didn't have any intensions on going down there to hook up with anyone. I just wanted to go have a good time with some friends. She told me one time on the phone while I was there "Don't do anything I wouldn't do" I couldn't believe it. Then when she called back later that day she told me when I got home I could come over and stay at her house. I couldn't believe this either. Well, I didn't do anything bad while I was there and I did go to and stay at her house when I got back. We went to a movie and went out to eat with our daughter then when to the store, what killed me though was she went and bought Strawberries and Wine and all that. Me being the man I am though alright! I'm back in the door.. NOT even close. She drove me nuts the entire night. While we were laying in bed she asked me if I was going to cuddle with her, of course I wanted to and I did. After a while of that I felt so happy and asked her if I could kiss her. She paused for a few seconds and then said yes. Its been over a month since I kissed my wife and I was so happy. After that I just laid there, I didn't sleep a wink that night. After a while I started thinking what the hell am I doing here.. I felt like she is just sucking up to me to get me to pay for her car. I really hope she isn't but I couldn't help thinking that. The next day I didn't have to work but, I got up and took our daughter to daycare, then I went to my house and spent most of the morning. When I got back to her place (because I told her I would take her to work) She asked me if I was mad at her or something. I told her I just didn't want to play games. She just said I know and that was about it. I took her to work and haven't really talked to her for more than a couple minutes since. What is going on? Should I plan some more single type outings with my friends in hopes that she'll come back or what? I don't want to do that really but if it will make her realize that in time she is going to lose me for sure than so be it. I was thinking of setting up a sunset cruse off the coast this weekend and hopeing she would come but I don't want to keep pumping hope into my heart if its all for nothing. I would give anything for her to come back.

It kinda looks to me like she may be trying to figure out what boundaries she needs to establish for herself, and she is testing you to see if you will respect them.

Is that a good thing? Or am I getting my hopes up for nothing? I sure hope she is coming around.

Maybe you should just directly ask her nicely of course, what that night meant to her. You are trying to figure out what she thought and meant about it, and she is wondering the same thing about you. She is either thinking, "What a mistake it was." or she is thinking "He might be thinking it was a mistake." Or maybe "I just want him back, but I need for him to directly want to be back as well. I am feeling too proud to open the discussion." Who knows exactly what she is thinking, however I doubt that she really understands your mind right now any better than you understand her's.

I would be thinking that if you are non-judgmental and just ask her, "What did the other night mean to you, and what would you like to do about it?" This direct approach might be just what you need for opening dialogue between you. She might just be sitting their thinking "He didn't come back to the house, he is angry." or "I don't want anything from him right now, but I needed a night of comfort, that is all."

Who knows, but I guarantee one thing, I bet you both are thinking about the same thing...

What is he/she thinking, and what does he/she want to do about it?

Just my take. I will never again be in a relationship that I can't openly ask how she is feeling. I was always so worried, because of so many shut downs that I had received. Marriages cannot work without open dialogue. Not in this day and age... Nothing really gets buried.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ItsNOTMyFaultNOW:
<strong>Is that a good thing? Or am I getting my hopes up for nothing? I sure hope she is coming around.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's not a bad thing, but it's hard to say whether it's a good thing. If I were you (which I'm not), I wouldn't give up hope just yet...

While I like Formerly Confused's advice regarding asking what your wife is thinking/feeling, keep in mind that there's an excellent possibility that she doesn't know. No matter how truthful she is, she can't be any more honest or open with you than she is with herself.

Thanks Formerly Confused and GnomeDePlume,
I will ask her. It just seems so odd to me because since that night when we talk she still talks like there is no chance. I don't know, she still brings up stuff like our separation papers and stuff like that. I'll keep doing what I'm doing I guess and see what happens. Hopefully asking her about last weekend won't push her away again, I don't think that it will though. Then again, I never thought we would get to this either. Such is life, live and learn. Thanks again.