Well, i guess that's it folks, I sent him plan B letter and he calls to tell me that he is putting his wedding ring in an envelope to me. Well I guess that pretty much sums up the fact that he isn't willing to fight for me and his kids and that we aren't worth it. I don't think I could even feel more hurt than at this moment.

I really thought he would fight for me. He said well I am calling you aren't I and telling you so that I could change my mind. He is making it out like this is my decision I left it up to him. All he had to say was I will do whatever it takes to not lose you and then do it. I would give him that chance. I guess I am not worth the trouble and I guess the kids aren't either.....it feels so bad that the person you would walk through fire for just doesn't love you.

He says I told you I love you and that I don't want to lose you. He says I just want you to give me the time I needs to get healthly, of course that means without any financial support, or help with the kids ect.... ....maybe I am wrong....should I just say sure go ahead and do what you need to and me and the kids will just be here waiting for you to return.......I just can't do this anymore it hurts too bad......I am so tired........ <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 11:29 AM: Message edited by: mommax8 ]</small>

Let him go. I know it sounds harsh, and I realize you have 8 children....but right now he feels like he has power and can just dump you. Let him go, let him go, let him go. He will eventually realize how strong and amazing of a woman he gave up. You can make it....I promise. I wanted to end it all the night my WAW left me all alone. After a few weeks, I started dating again and eventually ran into the woman of my dreams. My fiance and I both had spouses that cheated, so we know how bad it feels and we both would never betray one another. Good luck!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 11:50 AM: Message edited by: ITSOVER ]</small>

Momma8,

HUGGS- I feel so sad for you.

My look at all the power games he is playing, he's really playing the gaunlet.

Let's see he already played TAG-IT's all about me game, the desertion/blame game (your the cause of all it, reason why I drink and messed up.) Then he has progressed, to the dating sing/song game , then let's get back together again/game, and now it's the ring/thing game.

I am so sorry that he once again has disappointed you and the kids. He seems to like playing his games doesn't he? Like my STBX And of course now he adds another game, let's play the yo/yo game.

Let's just drop the emotional strings of our wives/children heart strings and lets see how far those strings drop and bop to the ground and back up.

Makes one wonder what saturday morning cartoons are running through these guys heads. Wonder we were able to peek in side thier minds for a moment, if their personal conversation would run like this?

What they hurt, what they have feelings, what they are human beings, wait a minute I thought they were objects for me to play with and amuse myself . Well, I don't want to play with those toys they talk back, they feel, they are showing pain.

Oh I'll have put them back on the shelf and find another game to play, with called "Spaces" oh yeah, this is fun.

Object of this new power game is to get spouse to race around the board for me and when we get close to home. The first one there yells" I want to be home free" and wins the reward of being free of responibilities, free of obligations, free not to look at my own naughtiness. My life is my personal playground.

Let's be honest here we know this dance tune so well don't we. My STBX taught me so well these games.

You have spoken your core truth so well and he isn't willing to fight for you and the children since he has led all of you on a firewalk trail, it's up to you to lead yourselves out.

Unfortunately, these particular power games they play are not ammusing and fun by any means. I personally perfer the game of life.

My good friend who is going through similar ordeal with her spouse, exhibting bi/polar tendancies wanting to up abandon his marriage/family.

Anyways she told me about a new drug just released out on the market called Zyprexia.(not sure if that's the exact spelling.) But was a feature on the news the other night.

However, this anti depressant works trilaterally on alleviating depression, anxiety and BI-Polar tendancies with marginally few side affects. (Sounds marvelous already).

Apparently works better than Lithum Carbonate-where blood measurement is constantly monitored.

I wonder if this would be a good place to start and checking with the doctor or drug store for a phamlet to mail to him.

Oh yes I found out another drug called used in alchol/drug rehab called Naltrexone. Apparently used with a great deal of success for addicts.Used after the third day cold turkey where they are monitored controlled under sedation. Detox becomes more easier.

On the fourth day, given Naltrexone to clear out any remaining opiates. This opiate blocker is key to staying clean over the next 12 months.

Didn't anyone ever think one had almost obtain a behaviorial science degree into day and age as part/condition of the marriage contract/staying sane.

How ever do we keep up? Trying to keep up with the political correctness niceness to address the tryanny of it all of WS.

My spouse has a "disease" or in some cultures more appropiate to say my spouse has" problem"
or other culture to say my spouse has " weakness". Other cultures call it my spouse has"sin problem" this label works for me quite well. Then we have other cultures of thought call it "Mid Life Crisis", Other cultures of thought systems call it "Liberation" or "BASIC EGO" needs not being met.

My what a big emotional laundry pile to get unburied from. All we wanted was respect, love, romance and to be treated as woman should.

Another day to get through, and you will. Your getting stronger, wiser. The choice for your SBTX to sail off onto the ship of fools, where my STBX floats his boat these days without an anchor/direction.

But as we know every boat eventually has to reach a harbor and dock, so for some such as our STBX it might mean crashing headlong into the rocks, usually the destination of those embarking on ship of fool leads there anyways.

Hope you are so especially kind to yourself and buy your self a nice treat, or maybe visit the drug store try on some fabulous new perfume, check out some new make up.

Look how far you have come babe, hold on to your own reins and hat. Seems your STBX wants to take you on another long wild ride. Comes a point where we need to step back don't you think? Have a good yawn, saddle up and move on with our lives, kids, and our own dreams.

These guys are simply connected backwards within them selves.

I appreciate all of the support, I totally agree with all of you.

As far as the medication Zyprexa been there done that and he even abused that, he can't even take medications without abusing them so unless he just takes lithium nothing else is an alternative, and then if he doesn't get anything from that he will talk 4 tylenol flu, sudafed anything that he can feel. He is an addict and admitted it for 12 years then decided oh I guess I was wrong I will try it again.

The mistake I made was thinking that because he stopped drinking years ago that things were ok. The problem was that he never dealt with the issues that were causing it. I know that I didn't cause it, I can't change it, and I can't cure it. I went to Ala-non for 6 years and I worked it diligently then went back to the ole stinking thinking.

The hard thing is I can't go back to it again because I have 8 kids that are involved in so much I am stretched about as thin as I can get and now my parent's are screaming at me when I just ask to go to my divorce care class on Wed because they say the kids are not their responsibility, well I agree but if I don't do something I will be no good to any of them because I will end up in a looney bin. I only have time for myself between the hours of 9:00pm-10:00pm and by that time I am so tired I just collapse.
The weekends are so tough because the kids are use to going somewhere doing things and we just can't afford it and I can't use the gas in my car to drive to a park because I have to make it last until next pay day. I just feel like I am being bombarded.

I know that today is bad and tomorrow will be better but when I am in the midst of it I feel like it is neverending anguish.....I read everyone elses posts and I know you all have it hard and way more than I have going but you just feel so alone.

Please pray for me and my kids that we get through this and that I have the willpower to let go. I have to let go, I just have to.