I have a question. My EXW and I had seperated two and a half months ago and are divorced now for a couple of weeks. We have a son who is three which we have joint custody of with me being the primary parent. Early we would call him at night when the other parent had him. Lately he gets to where when we call he doesn't like to talk. Most of the time he is just pre-occupied with other things and busy. My EX just emailed me and said she started calling him during the day at the babysitters and talking to him because he seems more talkative there. My question is this, do you really think it is a good idea to have these daily calls? To me it adds to his confusion. When he is with me he does not mention his mommy and I'm sure it is the same when he is with her. Also, I don't think it is a good idea to put the babysitter in the middle of it. I think if he mentions wanting to talk to us then that is fine. I was just curious how anyone else handled the situation.

Personally......daily calls are a bit much. How often does your WW see your son? Sounds like your EX was really confused on what she wanted......and that leads me to believe she may still think she can sneak back into your life. With so many daily calls, it seems like she wants to hear your voice as much as your sons. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I'm going to have to disagree on this one. I, personnally, have not went a single day without talking to my girls. I believe that it is benificial to all involved. We too, have joint custody and there mom is 95% accurate on talking with the girls on my days.

I believe that one of the keys to success is consistancy, especially with a younger child. The calls need to be at the same time each day.

Plus it allows each of us to co-parent on issues that arise on days when our children are'nt with us.

I have to agree w/ Losthusband here--

I mean, don't you like talking to your child EVERYDAY?? To let him know that just because YOUR NOT there that you still think about him??

I have custody, and my kids call me every day when they are with their dad, and the oldest is a teenager..(she call's more than the other two) but they call me every day..just to say they love and miss me, but, for some reason, they do not call their dad every day when they aren't w/ him..
but then he has never called them every day either
when he was gone over the years..

Talking to the kids...Yes in deed ....as much as possible. But, sometimes EXs will call at 10pm when they know the child is asleep and things like that...just to hear the other persons voice. My WAW called at 11:30pm one night to talk to the kids and she knows they go night, night at 9pm. That is what Im talkin about. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for the input. Yes I do like to hear his voice when I call and talk to him when he is not with me. And normally when I call she gives him the phone and I never speak to her but when she calls I answer it and give it to him to talk. We don't talk to each other. It probably is a good idea to talk though so they know the other parent is still there. It's just that lately our son doesn't seem to want to talk. Although it's usually when he is in the middle of playing with something. Do you think it is a good idea though to call the babysitter's house and do it that way? I just hate to get her involved in it.

That is for the babysitter to decide. She/he has a voice and if they don't like it, they can say something. And how are they in the middle. She only wants to call and talk to you child.

I am not seperated my my H, but when my kids stay overnight at grandmas' I call and say goodnight and that I love them. Kids need to hear this.

If we were seperated or divorced and if my H called every night to say good night to the kids, I would not have a problem with this. I would encourage it.

Shortly after my H left the counselor suggested he call the kids every day. He called them once, and then said that since they didn't have much to say, he stopped. You should have seen the look on the counselor's face when he said, "They are welcome to email him whenever they want." He has called them only a handful of times in 4 years, not even calling them on their birthdays. To top it off, he strongly discourages them from calling me when they are with him, to the point where they are scared to call for fear they will make him mad.

I don't think there is any question that a child, especially a little one, needs to hear both parents' voices every day.

Speaking as a Mom with grown children (24, 21, 19), I can only tell you that my x called the kids several times a week when they were younger, and then weekly as they got older. I think my youngest put it best when she pleaded "Mom, please make him stop calling me all the time."

Of course, I wouldn't consider telling my x to stop calling so often. Eventually, 2 of the kids asked him to call less often...and he responded by not calling at all. My oldest hasn't spoken to him in nearly 5 years and my youngest hasn't spoken to him in 3. They both feel like they've gotten out of jail. It's an unfortunate development, but, I think it illustrates what happens when children feel forced to communicate on a schedule.

My best advice is become tuned into your child's reaction when you call. If he's preoccupied, make it a short "I love you" call, rather than attempting to make a "meaningful" conversation out of the call. Since your child is so young, that's all you really can do for now. Just be prepared for when his life doesn't revolve around hearing from you and don't force it.

Unless you make it an issue, what exactly is the babysitter in the middle of? Mom calls, gives child the phone - simple as that. Calls are good. FMM calls his baby girl daily. We let her mom call here daily on our time. No big deal. And, she is only 20 months old. Even though she can't have a real conversation I do believe it is important for her to hear and babble to her parents. tew

Thanks for the input. I agree with everyone that the calls are good. We will keep them up. I know I want to talk to him when he isn't with me and I would feel guilty if I didn't. I know it is bad enough that they have to go through this but I would want him (son) to know that the other hasn't deserted him.