Hi Everyone,
I am about 5 months into recovery and have found that my love for my wife is greater than ever, my desire to please her and be the best husband I can and meet her ENs is greater than ever, but my ability to trust her again is lagging behind at a snail's pace. Is there something wrong with me? I feel I have totally forgiven her for her 6-month EA in which she had cybersex and phone sex (no PA) with one main OM and a few others she found through internet gaming after we got our first home PC. However, she was so deceitfully clever in the way she maintained these illicit relationships and lied to me repeatedly during the affair(s), that I had to do a lot of snooping of financial and phone records to finally obtain the truth. It was only then that she confessed in earnest. I still find myself double-checking almost everything she says and does to ensure she is being honest and to ensure she is not pulling the wool over my eyes again. She has shown every sign of being trustworthy again and repentant but I just can't seem to turn the corner on this issue yet. It's almost like I feel the need to keep my guard up and not put myself in a vulnerable position again so I won't ever have to feel the kind of pain I felt on D-Day when I discovered her indiscretions after having trusted her implicitly before then.

<small>[ April 23, 2003, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: pressing_on ]</small>

My wife did the same thing to me years ago....we are divorced now....and I never trusted her after that. Sorry, I just didnt. Well, as they say....a tiger never changes its stripes!! She did the same thing again last year and this time I didnt take her back, and I never would. I DO NOT TRUST HER. Its gonna be hard man. If she is late from work or coming home one day it will bother you, if she doesnt call when she says it will bother you, if you or she goes outta town alone.....you will wonder. Man....adultry sucks! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Thanks for the reply, ITSOVER. However, I really meant for this thread to be created under 'In Recovery', because I have no plans to divorce my W since she has done such a wonderful job to date of being a model wife since D-Day. I still hope to fully regain trust in her someday. I apologize for inadvertently creating this thread under 'Divorced or Divorcing". I hope there is nothing "Freudian" in my mistake. I am sorry to hear about your situation nonetheless, ITSOVER.

Oh sorry myself....anyhow its gonna take awhile to trust her my friend. Dont be hard on yourself during this period...also, she needs to be understanding herself and realize your feelings are justified. Also, dont feel sorry for me....Im happier than I have been in years. I love my fiance.....she is beautiful and wonderful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi ITSOVER,
I am happy that things are going well for you now. I wish you well in your upcoming
marriage with your bride-to-be. I forgave my W this time because this is the first time she has ever been unfaithful to me in our 22 year marriage (she never did have a PA, just cybersex and phone sex) and because I was admittedly taking her for granted and not treating her like I should have been. But now that I am giving the relationship all I have, if she were to be unfaithful again to me - even if it is just on the internet - I'm gone in a New York minute... No one deserves to be treated that way repeatedly. JMHO.