Had this in another forum, I think its better here, thanks for you comments

We all live together, the house is big enough. They are my inlaws and consider me their son. Their daughter is the WS and it is still active. I have tried the plan A and now its Plan B. The probelm is how to tell the ILs.

They are very loving and trusting and strong in the marriage for life thing (good for them) they have beeen married for 60 some odd years.

I think telling them will create such a dissappointment in their daughter that, for my FIL at least, the depression could be fatal (while at 89 they are still invery good health) or at least shorten a life span by removing some of the will to continue.

Nonethe less, WS will not return to try to work it out, I've gotten an apartment, we are separating so I don't have to watch her continue her A, all the Plan B stuff.....

Telling them will happen, and probably soon,

How to do the explaining, Thoughts.....

DRS

DRS,
I'm not clear about if your in-laws know there is ANY sort of problem at this point, or are they totally in the dark? Seems like if they're in the same house they'd know something was going on for the last couple of years...

Also, who does the house belong to, them or you? Are you leaving your own house for their sake? If your wife is the WS, why doesn't she leave?

However, a quick reply from me would say "put the ball in your WW's court". I don't think you, as the BS, should have to take on this associated guilt. Let her tell her parents (with you present, of course). This is something that you and she can work out the points on together, prior to them being disclosed to your in-laws.

Bottom line...I would share the responsiblity of informing them with your wife (or better yet, let her do the telling while you are there). My own experience happened that way; my in-laws are not in great health and although they were totally disappointed and voiced their disapproval of WH separation and affair (he told them most details, as we had agreed on), the relationship btwn him and his parents is still there, because blood is thicker than water. And the mutual love and respect between you and them will not cease either, because of what their daughter has done.

Let us know how it goes.

thanks for the thoughts.

Its our house, they live with us. She will stay because MIL needs some assisted care living. I will leave.

Yes, WS should tell them, both of us should be there, gotta go for now, back later

Thanks again,

DRS