I was invited to spend the day with my 2 SIL and accepted. We had a great time shopping and going out to lunch and ended the day at my MIL. When we arrived STBXH was there.

I am mad at myself for feeling bad that I enjoyed the day with his family, and becasue I still love both them and him, and because he looked good to me and becasue I wondered if it hurt him that I was invited.

And I learned that he was on vacation and wondered who he was off dating.

And I wonder if I should just stay away, or should learn his schedual a littl better to avoid him or should issolate myself from his family. And it makes me mad that he made me a part of this family, and from day one I felt at home there and now I feel uncomfortable.

Has anyone come up with a way to keep them in your life, or is it best to just let go of them along with him?

Hi Lora, my BIL was my best friend and in many respects my only friend local to me. He was a big support to me through my xW's A's.

Sadly as the DV rollercoaster has progressed he turned on me, which I foolishly thought would never happen.

Best to let them be and move on.

Neil.

Gotta agree with Neil on this one,

I was very close with my IL'S until the D proceedings began.

It hurts a lot but blood really is thicker than water.

Spending time with the IL's is a toughie. I'm going through some heartache and indecision over it too.

In my case, my H and I had 4 children together, and for the boys' sakes, it is important that I do my best to keep the lines of communication open with the IL's.

It is wonderful that your S'sIL invited you out. That is heartwarming to me. And the fact that you all had a great time... good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> HOWEVER (don't you hate the buts? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ), you need to decide the pros and cons in this situation. For example, yes, you had a great day. But you also learned things about your H that are triggerring you. Was the day out worth that? If yes, then continue getting together with them. If no or not sure, then think about it some more. Perhaps setting up some personal boundaries on the issue could help (such as "no going to MIL's house"?).

Good luck.

Karen

Everyone here can speak from personal experience which could be different for each situation. So here's mine:

My in-laws (all of them) were totally with me, behind me, for me, and sooo terribly disappointed in my H after he left me. They shunned their son because they were ashamed and didn't know what to say. They were the ones who kept in contact with me, and I know they were all as hurt as I was because of H's affair and sinful behavior. However (by now you knew that was coming)as time, birthdays, holidays, etc. have gone on, ..they have also reached out to him. As everyone knows, blood is thicker than water and this is no exception.

The fact that they ARE reaching out to him, including him (as well as me, I have to be honest) at family events now, has made it difficult on me. After all, he is their "real" family, I'm an in-law to them. Having that closeness at the beginning was NOT a bad thing and I would not take it back for anything. But the last couple of months that this has been going on has made me realize that I need to take a step back for my own sake. Not to totally erase them (can't do that, I have kids even though they're older) but I also don't need to interact with them like I would my own family. It's just better for my own sanity, I think. So I'm making some space between us and will probably discontinue b'day and Xmas gifts after this year.