My partner of two years wants me to sign a pre-nuptial agreement to protect him should I walk out. He has many assets and wants to protect them. I feel completely hurt by this and believe that he doesn't love or trust me anymore. He thinks of it as a business arrangement, one that is sensible for both of us. We have been arguing for over a week now. There is a lot of pain and hurt been caused. Please give me any advice. I love him very much but I can't stop taking this so personally.

They call it a marriage contract for a reason. A marriage<BR>contract is a legal and economic document. Anybody with any type of assets would be a fool not to have a prenuptial agreement when the current divorce rate is at 60%.

I disagree. To me, it is promising forever, while holding a back door open. IMHO, marriage means committing in full...heart, mind, energies, assets...the works. <P>So, I would never ask for a pre-nup, or sign one, regardless of who had the larger share of assets. I have friends who think differently, and have asked their fiance's to agree in advance to what happens if they split (gee, and so far, all of them have split).<P>But really what anyone else thinks is irrelevant. You and your fiance need to calmly discuss not just the pre-nup, but what each of you feels about it and why...what it means, does not mean to each of you, and why. And, don't just talk calmly, listen calmly. Then you need to decide together whether/how to proceed.<P>Good luck--<P>Kathi

Thank you. I needed some advice that was more than just what the law says is correct. Unfortunately my heart is involved and I can't separate this pre-nup or my feelings.<P>I appreciate your response.<P>slippingsmile<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by kam6318:<BR><B>I disagree. To me, it is promising forever, while holding a back door open. IMHO, marriage means committing in full...heart, mind, energies, assets...the works. <P>So, I would never ask for a pre-nup, or sign one, regardless of who had the larger share of assets. I have friends who think differently, and have asked their fiance's to agree in advance to what happens if they split (gee, and so far, all of them have split).<P>But really what anyone else thinks is irrelevant. You and your fiance need to calmly discuss not just the pre-nup, but what each of you feels about it and why...what it means, does not mean to each of you, and why. And, don't just talk calmly, listen calmly. Then you need to decide together whether/how to proceed.<P>Good luck--<P>Kathi</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>

Did you notice the difference between the male and female resopnses to this post? IMHO, don't give up on him due to this one "difference", you will have more like it in the future - no matter who you marry. I believe that marriage is the coming together of two to become one in everything. Money is NOT the most important item that we share in marriage; however, sometimes we men who are blessed with financial resources view it that way at first. In the years ahead, you will both open yourselves up so much and be so much more vulnerable. Make sure he's thought about all that you are sharing - time, goals, body, heart, talents, etc. and that there is no pre-nup agreement that can guard against the damage to these. Good luck.

Hoped4:<P>Actually, the friends I spoke of who disagree & believe in pre-nups are all female, so I do not think it is strictly a gender thing. <P>And, in case you are wondering, I brought greater assets into my marriage than did my H. <P>To me, it is simply a matter of being willing to commit, all-or-nothing. To me, the issue of marriage is not "two becoming one, unless they decide to they are not happy, in which case..." To me, marriage is a covenant, not simply a contract. However, simply what I want & need in my marriage...I do think the most important things is that a couple discuss & understand what it all means to them. <P>Kathi<p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited May 01, 2001).]

Dear Slipping;<P>A bit of history....my husband and I started together at ground "0" and have become very comfortable. With children approaching marriage age, I am very much in favor of pre-nups. I have been talking for quite some time with my teen agers about "keeping our finances quiet"....lest someone date them for the wrong reasons. Not that any of this reflects on you personally, but perhaps your fiance's parents have been working on him with the same philosophy through his growing up years.<P>You might consult a lawyer for clarification, but I believe that only the assets inherited or owned PRIOR to marriage are subject to a prenup. Anything you earn DURING the marriage is yours jointly. You may also consider having your fiance sign a prenup to guard the assets you have earned or those you may inherit from your family.<P>Slippingsmile, in reality you may have to choose between the relationship with a prenup or moving on to a relationship where you "feel more trusted". It is sad to have to make such a choice....but if you can take your "heart" out of the equation you will understand that it is NOT personal....merely good business. Try to think of it this way....If your fiance meets your other emotional needs won't it be great to know that he is also a good business man and will protect you BOTH by making logical decisions concerning money through out your years together? [Import Note: now is the time to make your EN list and check it twice! It ALL needs to be there!]<P>Buena Suerte<BR>[Good Luck]<BR>C&I

How are you on the non-POJA-able incompatibility list?<P>(I particularly wonder about the "Values" category in your case.)<P>1. Introversion - Extraversion<P>2. Energy level (correlates well with sex drive over the long haul)<P>3. Values (materialism, honesty, loyalty, altruism, family, etc.)<P>4. Religion (Don't ever expect to convert anyone.)<P>5. Intelligence (IQ)

I am a woman real estate investor with many properties and have lots of assets. I had my attorney draw up a prenup before I got married last year. I figured if my husband would sign it willingly (his attorney had to look it over first) then he really loved me, not just my money. I really feel that every marriage should have a fair prenup agreement these days. You can both add clauses you want. For example all the properties I own increase in value over the future. that future equity is mine even after our marriage. I can give him money or a rental house if I want at any time and it will become his asset. He admired me for making all that money and signed because he loved ME, now the money! I have never been happier. I would question anyone who did not want to sign one. It is only fair and makes me able to relax and not worry and love my husband more and more.

Some friends of mine say it shows a mistrust. Non of them have such an agreement. But they ALL reccomend one for me who married a foreign woman. The foreign woman also had an affair on me but now she seems OK. So do I trust her? Should I trust her? Should I give everything to her when I have small children. If it wasn't for the affair maybe I would. Now I don't know what to write in a will or a pre-nup or what to put as beneficiaries in an isurance policy????

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Rodger:<BR><B>Some friends of mine say it shows a mistrust. Non of them have such an agreement. But they ALL recommend one for me who married a foreign woman. The foreign woman also had an affair on me but now she seems OK. So do I trust her? Should I trust her? Should I give everything to her when I have small children. If it wasn't for the affair maybe I would. Now I don't know what to write in a will or a pre-nup or what to put as beneficiaries in an insurance policy???? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>