I've been posting for a while under Just Found Out and In Recovery. We had the talk last night about divorce. Told him I wanted/needed to leave him, that the trust thing is gone, since he had the A and just couldn't let go. Gave him 3 chances and he kept choosing to contact her, e-mail her, etc. There are other issues too, the out of control spending when he is jobless right now and I'm supporting him, etc. The whole thing is just so f#@&ed up. Since I found out about the A 4 weeks ago and he has been promising me NC (but I found out after 3 of these confrontations that he was lying), our sex life has been really great, very passionate. But I understand that is pretty common. Even last night after we talked about everything that happened, decided to see a lawyer, etc. we both cried and held each other really tightly. I am just so sad. If I leave him, it will involve me moving back to Canada and 1800 miles away. Will probably never see him again or my stepdaughter. That just makes me feel so empty. But I know that there are parts of him that I cannot live with, his lying, his disinterest in being a domestic partner (although that has improved v. slightly) and just what I know about the A. Found out that he gave her a framed poem, the same poem that he read to me during our wedding ceremony.

I made this decision, but it is tearing me apart. Is this common?

Background: 1 yr anniv April 6, 2003
WH had EA/PA for about 2 mos. Only was physical once with her
MC have gone for about 3 mos, he lied in every session and denied that he was still in contact with her
I caught him twice, after 2nd time told him I couldn't handle another time. Then found a love e-mail he sent to her last Thursday saying he wanted to give her 100% and loved her. That was the breaking point.

Unfortunately, the feeling of being torn apart is very common. Sorry. The divorce will probably make things worse too. <sighs for you> Be stronger. Remember you're stronger than this. The temptation to waffle, to give up, to get back together, to lower your standards for him, to walk away... will all be extreme... and you'll wonder throughout it all why you feel so awful.

But, take things day by day. They'll get better bit by bit. Not enough that you'll notice, but one day you'll look down from Canada and see how far you've come and not just in miles.

Good luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Found out that he gave her a framed poem, the same poem that he read to me during our wedding ceremony. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That would do it. . . . to me.

You are his second wife?? and do you know for sure about the demise of his first marriage??

sounds a bit like he hasn't really learned, and you were assuming too much, and believed too much about him, and his background.

just curious, i could be wrong. . .

wiftty