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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714 |
I'm separated. I moved out with my two girls almost two weeks ago. I'm staying at my mother's.
My husband has seen the girls once. He left for a long weekend book show he added to his schedule after I left. (we're east coast.) Anyway, he got back late last night. He now is going back out to Chicago this weekend. He'll let me know tonight if he'll take the girls tomorrow night or the following night.
My concern is that this short notice doesn't give the girls the sense of predictability that 4 and 6 years like.
Is this normal? How should I handle this? Our state doesn't have legal separation, and I'm not planning on filing for a while.
And I have no experience in this.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 166
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 166 |
hmm. Sticky wicket. Do what you are comfortable with. Talk to your H. Tell him how you feel. If he is sympathetic and seems concerened about your fears, and has a good plan for making them feel loved and safe by both parents, I'd say let them go. I feel the most important part of parenting is for the kids to see that mom and dad can work things out and still care more about them than fighting with each other. Play it by heart <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Note: My advice prolly isn't the best since i'm here for my own problems, but at least it's a response.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714 |
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 5,924 |
Some people love schedules, are driven by it. Others could care less. I personally could care less, my X uses schedules to get leverage and validation. Means if it isn't scheduled, its upsetting, kind of like the night in the hotel when we awoke and opened the curtains and its snowing out and that's not in the forecast.
X went bonkers because it wasn't scheduled, the weatherman had not said possibility of snow.
so take the requirement of schedules with a grain of salt. some people use schedules for control and convenience, others could care less. . like me for example.
wiftty
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 4,199 |
My H (very similar to yours) hated when I tried to introduce schedules. I copied more calendars than you can imagine, and his response was (and still is (I want them when I want them).
Very odd.
Take Care and stay strong.
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714 |
I like some sort of schedule, which is then subject to change. I do NOT function well when I get up and haven't a clue what I'm going to do that day. Personally, I need some sort of schedule to function.
However, I view unexpected surprises as a gift, especially snow! Just don't want all day every day to be a surprise.
But, children do need a routine. It gives them security. Do they always need to be with dad every other weekend and every Wednesday night? No.
And given my h.'s schedule, an auction here, an auction there, book show here, house call there. Most of which occurs late afternoon, nights or weekends, and often he doesn't know until 3:30 if he will be busy that night, I'll have to be flexible. Luckily, I'm used to his weird schedule.
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