I made my wife an anniversary ring for our 10th. I gave it to her at the same time she was having an affair I was to find out. She loved it, and wore it everywhere. Including the bar, although she was able to remember to take off her wedding ring while there.

I took it back, when I found out about her 4th affair. Actually, she left it on the sink in the bathroom when she left our family, and I kept it. I physically made this ring. Designed, carved, bought the stones, (had a jewelry store pour the platinum because it is so hard to work with.) But I made it in every way myself. I worked about an extra 100 hours in the ER to pay for it (and I am a doctor), and put another 100 hours into the making of it.

Yes, I am a bit perturbed that she wore it as a bauble to get her lover's attention.

However, I have it, and the divorce is final. Now I dont' know what to do with it. Some people say I should keep it and give it to my boys so they know how much I loved their mother... I just don't know whether I can give them something that I feel had NO APPROPRIATE MEANING to her, but meant everything to me.

So my working options now are...

1) Throw it off a bridge... Very tempting... Believe me... symbolic, out of site, etc...

2) Donate it to a food bank. However, I want there to be no chance that she could ever have it again. I doubt that she could ever afford it anyway.

3) Hahaha, give it to a girlfriend... heh heh heh, that would show her about as much 'care' for what it meant as she showed me... Don't have a girlfriend anyway... but the ring stores nicely.

4) Take it to the Bahamas, hock it, and buy a VERY expensive watch with it. Wear that watch with the understanding that it represented to me the love that I had for her and what I was desirous of doing for her. Even though she did not feel the same way. I mean this watch would be more costly than I would ever get any other time $$$$$.

I just don't know. Any other thoughts?

<small>[ April 30, 2003, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Very interesting...

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Well I can only give you ideas...

When I got seperated from my now XH I threw my wedding ring in the river. The Deleware to be exact, but we did not have any children together just a cat, and I don't think it was his size.

My suggestion would be to hang on to it. Put it in a box and put it away. Kinda like out of sight out of mind..
You might one day want to give it to your children.
I know this is way out of orbit but when my mother died. We thought her rings should all go with her becuase they were apart of her. (I was 19 at the time)
I know regret that becuase a part of her could now be with me.. Corny I know but that is the first thing I thought about when I read your post..

So just think about it and ponder..
She doesn't have it now and look at it this way <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> When your children get bigger and old enough to have it. She will look back and see it and remember the love you had for her. The guilt will all come back... Sorry me bad..

On a different note.. I'm in the medical field, but I bring the pt's to the hosp.. you know those darn EMS people... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wish you luck and I don't think there is really a wrong decision.. Just what best fits you and the situation...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Sounds like too beautiful of a ring to throw off a bridge. I agree with JJ, store it somewhere until you know what you want to do with it. In AlAnon they have a saying, "When in doubt, don't," which let's you off the hook for having to make any decision when you really don't know what you want to do.

Hi Formerly,

My take would be to keep it. You never know one of your sons might want to give it to his wife one day. If not you can always sell it. Jewels never depreciate. As far as giving it to a new girlfriend of yours I would advise against it. If the new firlfriend finds out you made it for your ex wife she will be devistated. In her mind she might think that you do not love her enough to give her something that has meaning only for you and her. OK that is how I would feel if that happened to me. But if you want to treat yourself than buy the expensive watch. It could be a testamony to you that though you worked hard on your marriage you still are OK and life does move forward.

Currently my Husband and I are having our wedding rings designed and made. We are using my Gran and Grand's wedding bands in our rings. It was very important to me to have them because my Grandparents are the only people in my family that had a good marriage. They had problems and worked them out. I want the same for my marriage.

FC,
You are the ER doc and your X is the unfaithful one?
Sorry, I'm in shock.
My STBXH is an ER doc as well. He fits the bill but you sure don't.
All I ever wanted was for him to take the time to do something for me like what you did.
I'd been wanting a new ring for about a year or so. I was going to have a friend help me design one and have it made.
I don't know what you should do with this ring.
Maybe you should keep it to remind yourself howing giving and thoughtful you are.
God Bless.

Aly

FC,

My suggestion is to put another 100 hours into it. Take the stones and the metal, and recast a NEW ring. Taking what was valuable and making it into something new and perhaps more valuable.

Sort of like what you should be doing with your life.

God Bless,

JL

Do you have children? If so, have someone that you can trust put it in a safe place to be given to one of them someday.

Well, you all have given me some things to think about.

First of all, I would never give it to someone that I cared about such as a girlfriend. I made this to represent my vows and love for her. To show how much I appreciated her putting up with the difficulties of my education. To show her what I was capable of doing and willing to do just for her. I could have easily went out and bought a ring. But I really wanted it to mean something, therefor I made it myself. I am far to principled and sentimental to give it to anyone in such a manner. (The idea was more of a slight rather than a real idea.)

It is funny that the consensus, thus far, seems to be to keep it and give it to my boys. I don't know. I feel that it is so tarnished. She was so deceitful then entire time. She wore it to several other men's beds. The only meaning that it seems to have to me anymore is the complete and utter lack of respect that she showed in her choices. The fact that she didn't even respect me enough to take it off when she was with her men and on the prowl. It just was an attention getter for her. I just can't fathom it.

Anyway, I do like the idea of smelting it and making something new. Perhaps I will keep it. I can then make rings or pendants for my daughter-in-laws when my boys marry. That would at least have some meaning to me.

Well, if you have anymore thoughts, I would greatly appreciate them. I still don't know. In some ways, I want to sell it and have something that I can think about such as a watch. That I could pass on to my boys, however, I am really thinnking about the daughter-in-law thing now. I would have to get a bit more platinum, however, that would be nothing...

I wonder if I have the patience to wait 20 years?

And NO, I am not an ER doc. I did that moonlighting while in my residency. It was an extra job that required too much time away from home. Without a wife willing to tell me she was unhappy, it just set her up to do what came natural to her.

<small>[ May 01, 2003, 12:55 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

Hmm. Give it to me?

Well, it was worth a try. I vote for hanging on to it. It is a work of art, a labor for love. Just turned out that it wasn't really for the woman you thought it was for.

A nice purifying ceremony getting the violation off of it. Run it through a flame, into some holy water, what have. And then put it away.

I hope there's a special place in heaven for men who make their wives beautiful jewelery.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hope there's a special place in heaven for men who make their wives beautiful jewelery.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amen! Just for the record, I think your X must be in the thickest fog known to mankind to leave you. But then, from what I've seen posted on these boards, frequently the BS's went the extra mile to express their love to in some unique, special form, only to have it completely overlooked and misused.

Keep the ring in a safe, tucked away place. You'll know what you want to do with it when the time is right.