Just want to lighten things a little
I use to find laughing helps to get the good endorphins moving
through our bodies.
.and today I was in need of some laughter.
so thought I would post for you all to enjoy!
anyway please read these jokes and know that
"some days your
the windshield and sometimes the bug"
J O K E S
An expensive lawyer,
a cheap lawyer
and the Easter Bunny
are in an elevator. The
elevator goes up and stops on the 15th floor
. Which of the three get off the elevator?
The expensive lawyer.
The other two are figments of your imagination!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Once upon a time, a pregnant woman
whose husband was away on a business trip
went into labor.
She called her incredibly stupid brother to assist her since her
husband was out of town.
The brother got her to the hospital,
and as she was being
taken to delivery she grasped his arm and said,
"If anything happens to me,
I want you to name my child."
He promised he would,
and she then disappeared into the O.R.
where she experienced
an extremely difficult delivery
which rendered her unconscious
for several days.
When she came to,
she saw her stupid brother sitting beside her bed.
She groggily asked, "What happened?"
He beamed proudly and said,
"It was touch and go for a
while and we almost lost you,
but everything is dandy and you had twins,
a boy and a girl, exactly one week ago."
"A boy and a girl!
My heavens!
But I've been out an entire week.
So did you name them for me?" she asked,
warily.
"Yep I did, and you're gonna like that part too!"
"Really? So what did you name my daughter?"
he answered, "Denise." "Denise,..., Denise!
What a lovely name! And
my son?"
"Denephew."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++==
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait
several years before the Gulf War,
and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind
their
husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked
several yards behind their wives.
She approached one of the women for an explanation.
"This is marvelous," said the journalist.
"What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"
Replied the Kuwaiti woman, "Land mines."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
One morning, as an older couple sat at their table over coffee, the
husband
turned to his wife and said he was going to apply for Social
Security. His wife said,
"Oh dear, I don't think that is a good idea. You know we lost
everything in the fire.
You don't have the proper forms of identification or anything."
He said, "Just don't you worry about it, I'm going anyway."
Off he went and was
back in an hour with a check in hand. His wife was amazed and asked
him how he did
it. He said, "No problem, I just ripped open the front of my shirt
and said look at all
this white hair."
His wife replied, "Oh dear, you should have dropped your
drawers and gone for
total disability!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their
75th wedding
anniversary. The old man leans forward and softly says to his wife,
"Dear, there is
something I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th
child never quite
looked like the rest of our children. Now, I assure you that these
75 years have been
the most wonderful experience I could have hoped for and your
answer can never
take that away but I must know. Did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the
eye. She pauses for a
moment and then she says, "Yes, yes he did." The old man is shaken.
The reality of
what his wife is saying hits him harder than he expected. With a
tear in his eye, he
asks, "Who? Who was he? Who was the father?"
Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first,
as she tries to muster
the courage to tell her husband the truth.
Then, finally, she says, "You."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
-- Three women were about to be executed; One was a brunette, one a
readhead and the other a blonde. They bring up the brunette and the
guard asks if she
has any last requests. She says no and the guard shouts, Ready,
Aim,... and suddenly
the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!" Everyone looks behind them and
she runs off.
So they bring up the redhead and ask if she has any last
requests. She says no, so
the guard shouts, Ready, Aim,... and suddenly she yells, "TORNADO!"
and
everybody turns around to look and she runs off.
Well, by then, the blonde had it figured out. So they bring
her up and she is asked
if she has any last requests. She says no, so the guard turns and
yells, Ready, Aim,...
and the blonde yells, "FIRE!"
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
