Have been married for 10 years to physiacally and mentally abusive man. Have been to lots of counseling by myself mostly because, of course, I am the one with the problem. I have been advised by a marriage counseler to get out of the marriage. This was after the counseler had several encounters with my husband. But I am still here. I think I have finally gathered the courage to leave the marriage. It's scarey though. We have 2 young children and I have stayed with my husband because of the financial stability. I was a single parent of 2 when I married this man. He appeared to be a very charming man when I met him. We had a very short courtship, 5 months and eloped to Vegas. I was also impressed with his financial stability. My x had been a very irresponible husband and father. Of course as soon as we were married I got to know the real man. He immediatly coreced me into giving custody of my 2 children to thier father and my life has been a living hell since. And I was stupid enough to stay and have 2 more children with this man. I love my children more than life itself, which is why I'm still here. I wanted for these children to have a normal life. A house to live in, a mother and father to raise them together. All the normal things in life that I didnt provide for my older children. I dont want to have to divorce my husband. Even after 10 years I keep hoping he will become a nice man. I have been doing a lot of research, trying to figure out how to save this marriage. I have come to the conclusion that my husband has Narcisstic Personality Disorder. This is scarey information. Most everyone in his family is narcisstic and extremely difficult to deal with. I can see that my 9 year old son is becoming more and more like his father. And that is scarey too. The children and I will starting in therapy again in the next few weeks. We are going to need a lot of help to get through this divorce. Of course my husband will not go, because "theres nothing wrong with him" I'm the one who is messed up and it's my fault that our son is displaying these unpleasant traits. I can't even describe the hell my children and I go through with this man. Only someone else who lives with or lived with a narcis can even begin to understand. I feel like I'm going crazy and I just need advice, encouragement, rebuttal....anything

((((((((Hugs to you, wife #2))))))))<BR>I really feel for you....it is a difficult position to be in. I am in similar circumstances, and like you, I have done alot of research too...knowledge does give power! <BR>--power to act as needed.<P>Yes, controller/abuser types can sure pour on the charm in the beginning. My H wanted to marry in 3 months, but we weren't married for 2 1/2 yrs. Length of dating didn't matter...his real self came out later.<P>For most of our married years, my H would not see a counselor, but finally has come along, yet still believes he has no problem! At least your spouse has been seen by one, so there has been some professional evaluation.<BR>Have you been to more than one counselor? Has he been confronted by your church leader? I have tried everything I can to "wake him up" in hopes of creating a marriage out of this. I have been advised to "legally separate" first (before divorce)just to give him that chance. Maybe that is a possibility for you too. In any case, you should be able to get financial support...that is comforting!<P>Yes, it is the "model" he is to the kids that is a worry.<BR>We need to protect them!! <P>Do you have emotional support from family, friends, a church or support group? This helps! <P>I pray for safety for you and your dear children!!<BR>May God give you strength to do what is best!<BR>You are not alone. You are loved!<P><BR>