I met my husband in college, he was 18 and I was 19 years old. We dated for 3 years and then we got engaged and I got pregnant and then we got married. In this time period we experienced some ups and downs as all couples do. During our dating period of three years I was able to attend a different college for 5 months and then returned to my man. When I returned things were very strange and to this day they still are. I left for California in January and returned in May. When I returned my boyfriend had a whole new set of friends, people he had never hung around before but I was okay with this at first. These friends were females, single females and that kinda bothered me but this is only the beginning. Two of the three females are still his friends but they are also my friend. The third female, I'm not quite so sure of her intententions with my hubby. One day I was visiting my boyfriend at the time, on his birthday and she came down to his room and they went outside to throw a baseball around. I was hurt because that was my time with my boyfriend and I made that clear and she just came and interupted my quality time. During the time that my husband and I dated she has always wanted to talk with him or do lots of thing with him and he was always willing to go. Things just started getting out of hand and I just kept getting more frustrated and finally I broke up with him so that we could step back and analyze the relationship and see what was important to both of us. Well we kept talking and going to see each other and eventually he said he couldn't be without me and asked me to marry him and I said yes.<BR> Then my husband left the college and went back home which was 450 miles away. During this time things started getting good between us again. Of course during the time he went back home we both traveled to see each other and then I got pregnant. He moved back here to be with me and the baby and we ended up getting an apartment and living together. Everything was fine and then I had our daughter and the female friend starts interfering. She calls my husband on the phone everyday and he calls her too sometimes. Sometimes she calls to ask me something but that is about it. She is seperated from her husband and she relies a lot on my husband and at times I feel lonely and mad. I don't know what to say. I tell my husband that it bothers me but all he says is that I am the only woman for him and the best mother for our children and why would he mess that up, but I keep telling him his actions don't show it. She does help us out when she can which I appreciate but she seems to want nothing to do with me and everything to do with my husband and our two children. If she is truly supposed to be a family friend, shouldn't she care about the whole family and not 3/4 of the family? What should I do?

I am new to the board & am not that experienced in handling problems. But I feel your anguish. My husband is becoming more & more dependant on a female coworker & total withdrawal from me. Your husband told you you are the best wife & mother. You are lucky. I think you should look for information from the His Needs/Her Needs book. Men seem to feel oved by you being intimate with him. If you want to ask him to do things try to focus on how you feel & not blame him where he feels you are nagging. There are questionairres on this website somewhere that he may be willing for both of you to complete (each for your own emotional needs.) Hopefully this will lead to some positive communication. <P>I myself am dealing with a clinging woman. She is not needy but I was confiding in her as a friend. (Not any more!!)You said she has helped you out. Maybe dont ask for her help or dont provide give her a reason to help. What would happen if you just told her not to phone your home anymore? <P>Any chance you can get take your husband & child & all go out on a family outing that would be enjoyable for all & make memories to treasure?<P>I think getting upset, mad or confrontational would just make things turn for the worse. Hang in there.<p>[This message has been edited by cantletgo (edited May 08, 2001).]