My D continues to drag on as STBX continues his conflict avoidance. His lawyer even wrote a letter stating his inability to communicate. So nothing moves, and I seem to be the only one frustrated by this situation.
He doesn't have e-mail, won't talk if I call, so I type letters, and still receive no responses. I am talking basic communication here, such as when do you want to pick up the girls for Easter. I finally started to fax everything to his attorney to get a response.
I need help here. He's ignoring the psychologists recommendation for custody - since it isn't what he wants. This was the court ordered psych, not one I choose.
Any advice would be appreciated. I'm meeting with my lawyer tomorrow.

My X does this too. Its his way to remain in control.

I think what would work best is a certified letter or a fax that you can keep the confirmation page of. So you have proof he received it. Then give him a choice so that you are doing your part to help him feel less controlled. Then offer an option if you don't hear back from him by a certain time that will mean his choice is xxx. That way your showing him that not making a choice IS his choice and life continues in an unchaotic fashion.

I recently went through this with my x about summer visitation. I told him if I don't hear from him by (I think I gave him 5 days) then I will assume he is getting them for all of July. He didn't respond so that was his choice. I have seen signs that he is going to do July but I really wont know for sure OR count on it until July if he picks them up. Me and my ex spoke twice in 4 months. I do whatever is necessary to NOT speak if at all possible. When it is necessary I provide him a choice then provide him an unanswer for his nonresponse. I think you and your attorney should assume no communication from him. My ex didn't even get a lawyer and it my ended up working for my benefit because he didn't respond and the divorce was over in 90 days.

It's a good idea, but these are everyday issues that don't warrant a certified letter.
I never get responses, even with deadlines, and he just goes and does whatever he wants.
In your case, I wouldn't know until July if he was taking them.

I've re-read links people have posted to NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and I am more certain everyday that this fits.

Help!

Newly, I'm sorry your struggeling. There really is no way to get him to communicate. The best thing to do is just expect no communication. Expect no visitation. Live it one day at a time and make all the decisions without his input. Eventually you may have to set boundaries if he just starts popping in to gets them whenever he wants. But right now it is not necessary.

I will not know until 7/1 if my X is keeping them all of July. The daycare provider I picked for the summer only agreed to keep the kids if I promise to pay her every week. I have no idea if he is going to pay her or even take the kids there. It is just a chance I'm willing to take.

If you couldn't depend on him while you were married you can't depend on him now. If he wouldn't communicate when you were married then he will not start communicating now. You have no control over what he does, you just have to learn how to live your life and do the best you can do.

Another example I have is that I was a co-signer on my X's car and he stopped paying it. I can't make him pay. It ruined my credit. I could've chose to pay it but I didn't want to so it ruined my credit. I never asked him about it cause I knew if he knew it was effecting me he would be thrilled. Your STBX knows that by not communicating he is in control of your emotions and he loves it! He is not going to communicate.

The divorce will eventually happen. It may take a year and he may be able to drag it out but it will eventually happen. The best thing to do is expect the worse and live by the worst then you can adjust your life and continue on without frustration.

I'm really sorry your going through this. I completely understand. It is really hard to do but this is the best way to handle it and will eventually get easier.

By the way, our MC suspected H might have Narcissistic Personality Disorder too.

Since separation 16 months ago, H has demanded 50/50 custody, when I was basically a single parent before that. That is what hurts most, that he has taken the girls. I don't believe he really wants them, just to use them as pawns, and his parents do all domestic activities so he doesn't understand reality.

So I have to spend money & file a motion just to get my girls back. Its sucks.

Keep it simple.If he is not willing to do anything, then that's what he gets.

Write him a letter & tell him when he can pick up the girls. Example - 10 to 10:30 AM on Saturday. If he doesn't respond or show up, his problem. You are not required to wait around all day. If he doesn't call or show up in a reasonable time (30 minutes), he loses that time.

He's ignoring the psychologists recommendation for custody - since it isn't what he wants. This was the court ordered psych, not one I choose.
Again, the court oredered it and he doesn't care, wht are ya' gonna do? His loss.

Newly,

Sorry to hear you are having difficulty. You must be very frustrated. I am slightly confused about your situation. You mention that your STBX takes the kids 50% of the time and that you are going to have to spend money to get them back. You also mention that the he doesn't get the kids. I know that this is not the main issue but I was just trying to understand your situation.

Although I don't have any sage advice, I can empathize with your frustration. He is demostating a passive agressive behavior. It is his way of controlling you. Try to live your life and set boundaries for yourself. If he doesn't want to comminicate make sure that there are clear consequences for his actions. If he shows up randomly to pick the kids up, don't let them go. If he is supposed to pick them up at particular time and isn't there and doesn't call. Go do something with the kids yourself. Unfortunately, if your STBX is narcistic, this inconsistency and selfish attitude is something that you will have to deal with. It is tough and you have to be strong and have clear boundaries. Remember a narcistic personality feels rules don't apply to them and the world serves them.

Newly - it is control. They are upset that things are not going their way, and they will do anything to get control back. Let him pay for the lawyers fee on your side. Cause he is the procrastinator, and you are moving on.