Go get "The System" at
www.doclove.com. I recently got it and it has completely changed my outlook and may well change my life. It's well worth the $100.
Balance is the key.
Your X is a psycho and you should DROP her. You can NOT help her. She MUST help herself. Don't make her your problem. You're X sounds a lot like my X, especially the sex and low self-esteem comments.
Love requires respect and "nice guy" is just another term for pushover. Someone can not love you if they do not respect you. Your X does not respect you.
You must be a gentleman. Let's break that word down for a moment. You must be gentle (have Confidence and Self-Control). You must also be a man and have some balls when it is appropriate for doing so. Most women respond well to a man that does not agree with them for the sake of agreeing with them in a WEAK attempt to gain their favor. Women want to admire their mate and men want to be admired. Women are shaken in a positive way when you say NO at an appropriate time. Most women are unable to say the word NO. They'll use all kinds of other words. Having some balls every now and then gets you Respect. That's what your missing from your X.
My X responded properly when I pushed for custody of our daughter during the divorce. I told her how things were. I told her that I would fight her forever to get custody and meant it. She responded that I was the boss.
(She married the OM)
It's funny how well having some balls every now and then works. I've done it at work several times and I am amazed at how well it works with guys. One guy was being a real [censored] one day when I had had enough and asked him "Why are you being such an *******?". He's been a really nice guy to me since that day. That's just one example, I have many more.
Granted, I've yet to have it work well on women, but now I know what I'm missing. You can NOT drop your Confidence and Self-Control when you're showing some balls.
Women require a much more coordinated approach.
You MUST grow a backbone. Be firm. Don't be a jerk.
An example of being firm is getting my daughter to brush her teeth. This occurred during our divorce. My stbxw was trying to get our daughter to brush her teeth. My stbxw was at her wits end as our daughter would not brush her teeth. I walked in and told our daughter how things are going to be and how important brushing her teeth is. She started brushing her teeth. My stbxw went ballistic as I was able to get our daughter to do what she is told. She said that she "tried to be calm". You see how well that works.
My previous girlfriend overheard me being firm with my daughter one day and was impressed.
My daughter knows how to be behave. My daughter is very happy. She's easy to raise because I take care of issues as they occur.
So, be confident and have self-control and have some balls. That's called being firm and that's what you must do.
Get "The System".
The nearest analogies I can come of with are 'men are like dogs and women are like cats' and 'a man is a lion (king of the jungle) where the women are lionesses (they do the hunting)'.
Let women do the hunting and you do the fishing.
Confused? Think about this. They must be comfortable with you. Don't scare them off. Let them approach and show interest and then move carefully. Throw that bait out there. (You) Don't be an idiot and buy drinks for a women in hopes of getting her interested. She either is or isn't and drinks don't help in the long run. Don't waste your money or your time. Move on to another adventure.
Get "The System".
Women can easily outsmart us in the relationship department. They've had years more practice. They start at a much earlier age and are more relationship oriented.
It's no wonder they think we're immature. We ARE! It's no wonder they favor older guys. (older guys tend to have more Confidence and more Self-control)
Restrained power. Do not be a loose cannon.
Speak softly and carry a big stick. Use that stick when appropriate, but never in anger.
Cooler heads prevail.
Women are attacted to Confidence, Self-Control, and Challenge. Did you ever wonder why Marriage Builders doesn't have women needing an attractive spouse? Did you ever notice how women are attracted to those in power, no matter how ugly us guys think they are? (they demonstrate confidence, self-control, and challenge) Did you ever wonder why women are attracted to older men? Did you ever wonder why women are attracted (at least at first) to tough or rebelious guys? (later they figure out they're jerks and dump them)
Therefore, you do not need to have a perfect body to land (notice the fishing analogy) a nice woman. Just stick with the 3 Cs.
Challenge? Did you ever notice how women talk about playing hard to get? That's what you should be doing.
Women must get comfortable with you. It takes them a long time. You can not go slow enough.
Graphic, but think about male and female anatomy and use this analogy. Do you think much about going inside a stranger's house? Do women think much about a stranger coming into their home?
Hmmm...?
Get "The System".
It's the missing part of Marriage Builders.
Another interesting note.
This book and CDs are an effective cure for those who have anger problems. The word anger is not mentioned in a single place.
It works like this. When I find myself getting angry, two seconds later, I realize that I am not demonstrating confidence and self-control, and IMMEDIATELY stop the behavior as I know I'm not looking attractive to women.
Talk about a powerful motivation.
"The System" has incredible parallels for business, especially management and sales. Buy it for work and write it off on your taxes? Just a thought.
Kevin
<small>[ May 12, 2003, 02:35 AM: Message edited by: father of 1, husband of 0 ]</small>
