I have no idea how this has happened, but my ex surprised me the other day by being completely reasonable & logical in her discussion with me.

We discussed our oldest son's school problems, and she actually listened, and occasionally agreed with me! When we reached a potential point of conflict, she actually took the 1st step to resolve, then to boot, told me that it was something she learned from ME, and something I used to tell her all the time (!) Well, I was flabbergasted, to say the least, and it just seemed as if we entered into a whole new phase of communicating with each other.

She seemed confident, in control, and self-assured, just the way I remember her from way back.
Any similar stories? I'd love to hear.

muzohead

Heh heh heh, Muzo...

Just a couple days ago, my ex actually asked me for advice with our son. Now this was something that she refused to do our entire marriage. She would in fact do the opposite of what I had thought we should do. However, now that I am not there to keep things running smoothly with our boys, she is finding that her 'form' of parenting isn't going so well. She had always thought that I was too harsh or strict, so she took an incredibly liberal approach. Now, my son refuses to stay in his bed at night, and it is bugging her. She says 'I have tried everything'... I just sat there and tried not to say "Did you try parenting instead of being his friend?" That is actually what she calls them, "Hello friend, instead of hello son." That is also how she treats them Now I am all for being friends with your children, however, I think that I need to be their parent first. The little kid across the street can be the friend at this moment.

Well, anyway, I told her that I think she should have taken a harder line with him. She thinks a hard line is telling him 'NO' then if he does it anyway, well the hardline approach didn't work. Heh heh heh... I know that this is how she grew up. She really wasn't parented at all. Her mother worked so much that she was left to her own devices along with her older brother and sisters.

Well, back to your question. She actually asked me for advice, and seemed to accept it. I also told her that the hardest thing for her to do is to be consistent. I said, as soon as your day is hampered by dealing with your children, you tend to 'give in to them' in order to make your moment easier. But you have always been setting yourself up to be ignored by your children. And that is what is happening. She said, 'Maybe I just am not consistent enough.'

I fully expected the crap to blow, but you know, that is just the truth. Heh heh heh, was I ever surprised when she said, "Yes, I know." No, "but you did this or you did that." Just "yes I know." All I could do is just sit there and stare disbelievingly at her. I mean, parenting was always a huge source of trouble between us. One of perhaps the biggest problems that we had throughout our marriage. We disagreed as often as we agreed. If she had just been able to see this one little thing throughout our marriage. If she could have just seen that by living for the moment, she was setting herself up for more and more trouble down the road, there would have been so many fewer destructive behaviors between us. I guess what I am saying, is if she could have seen this before, perhaps we wouldn't have gotten to the point where we ended up divorcing.

But in answer, I wouldn't have been able to say yes to this question until Friday. But now, although I think it was just a tiny hole in the clouds, I did see a ray of sunshine pop through for a moment. We will see if there are any other breaks in the weather...

<small>[ May 11, 2003, 08:51 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

This is a serious question, right? If yes, then NO my exWife was never reasonable, nor did she ever turn out that way... She followed a natural course of events - stupid to stupider: unreasonable to more unreasonable - little white lies to big fat whoppers... Well, you get the idea...
Harold

My xw is and has been self-destructing for some time. The only times she has been reasonable have been when it was in her best interests, like when I offered to pay for her move in exchange for her motorcycle which she didn't have room to take back west. OR, when a complete stranger gave her advice that happened to coincide with what I had advised her on.

The House
- Me: Well, why don't we sell the house and split the proceeds 50/50?
- Her: NO!!! You owe me for the entire house. I'm going to live there and rent it out and you still have to pay for it.
- Her Lawyer: Why don't you sell the house and split the proceeds 50/50? There's no way he's going to pay for you to live there AND rent it out."
- Her: Makes perfect sense to me. Lets do it that way.

My Business
- Me: I'm not hiding assets. Here are all of the papers you and your lawyer have requested. Instead of doing this, just indemnify the whole business and I'll keep all your credit card debt.
- Her: You b@st@ard!!! You're hiding assets I just know it. <proceeds to file lawsuit> There's a money tree around here somewhere.
- Her Lawyer to Mine: Um, this is going to cost your client a lot of money, are you sure you just don't want to settle with her?
- Me: <laughing> Bring it on...
- Her Lawyer to Her: He's not hiding anything. Instead of going after his business, why don't you counter that you'll drop this but not split your credit card debt (+$5,000 to her) in exchange for the business indemnification?
- Her: No.....!!!!!!!!! He owes me!!!!!!!
- Her Friend's Previous Dog's Owner's xGirlfriend: Listen to your lawyer. Are you an idiot?
- Her: I don't know who you are, but since you don't know me, you must be an unbiased space alien and so I'll listen to and follow your advice absolutely.
- Her to Me: If I got a boob job would you take me back?

...

<small>[ May 11, 2003, 09:38 AM: Message edited by: Lyxa ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lyxa:
<strong>
- Her to Me: If I got a boob job would you take me back?

...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me add what would probably happen if you said, "Yes", which I know won't happen, but jsut for fun!

-You to her: Yes I would take you back...

Her to you: Would you pay for it since I'm broke? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Is that not a typical fogger or what?

hehe...

My ex although he left me and then started dating is to me in a fog and very unreasonable, he justifies his actions always and just as I think he starts showing signs of reason, he reverts to his old ways...

Prime example...Son recently took a pill given to him by a girl at school. BTW, my world is being turned upside down by this teen....anyway, first ex talks reasonable..."Son made bad choice...etc." Then when he had more time to think about he says, "Son was only self-treating, self-diagnosing, trying to fix his depression, that's not drug abuse..." He told son this...Thanks ex! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

BTW, my ex use to diagnose himself as well. Dr.'s wouldn't give him certain drugs for back pain, no problem, he'd order them over the net from Mexico...of course he thinks this is okay, he does it!

ANNA

<small>[ May 11, 2003, 01:29 PM: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</small>

Well, yeah... the irony is that she's already a large B cup... gorgeous breasts. But for some reason insecure still, thanks to her OM I guess. She finally got her boob job now that we're over and done with... and in a sense, I did pay for them!!! I think that OM 2 and 3 gave her the gumption to go through with it. Too bad they both dumped her before the job. I wonder if they'll take her back?

<sighs>

Flip a Switch.

I haven't spoken to my XW in 2 months, but sometimes she was fine and sometimes she wasn't. Usually in the same series of conversations. I say series because she usually hung-up during the first angry call, but called back with a different attitude.

Reasonable? Maybe in her mind.
Unfogged? She has never been and it is not from the A.

At this moment she is a couple months behind on child support even though she has no real expenses, but I gurantee she has a purse full of presription drugs and I heard she's bought herself a $150 ticket to an Eagles concert.

Priorities.

<small>[ May 12, 2003, 07:35 AM: Message edited by: Heads or Tails ]</small>

FC:
Your ex must be twins of mine. She has recently been forced to face problems caused by her parental style, and ask me for advice when she could no longer deal with it.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just a couple days ago, my ex actually asked me for advice with our son. Now this was something that she refused to do our entire marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">..ditto
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She had always thought that I was too harsh or strict, so she took an incredibly liberal approach. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">..ditto
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I mean, parenting was always a huge source of trouble between us. One of perhaps the biggest problems that we had throughout our marriage. We disagreed as often as we agreed.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">..ditto

One of my biggest gripes throughout the M, was she never allowed me to parent the boys. She'd go as far as interrupting when I was in the process, and thereby destroying my authority with them. I hated her for it.

Like you, it's wait 'n see if it gets better.

muzohead