Below is my orginal post (kind of long)but I feel neccessary for proper perspective, and following that is my update.

I started plan B about 2 weeks ago, just before easter. My other 1/2 had left me in January to "figure things out" however that seemed to include dating someone soon after. I tried plan A with some results but she ended up telling me to move on and that it was over.
Within days of plan B, she started calling telling me that I am causing her pain, why won't I talk, she was selfish in leaving but at that time she felt she had too. etc... She called 3 times on Easter and again a week later. I told her that I was trying to move on which is what she wanted and to leave me alone. Also it should be known that I ran into a female friend I had known for awhile and one of her friends saw us together which I'm sure she knows. She also found out that I put a purchase offer in on a house contingent upon ours selling, she wants our sold.
Anyway, a friend of hers contacted me and told me that my other 1/2 was now depressed about all of this, having serious thoughts and had told the other guys she didn't want to see him for a few days because she had to think. Her friend suggested I call her with one last expression of my love and ask that we work things out. I debated about it but my emotions got the best of me and I called, we talked for 2 hours and there was emotion on both sides. However she said that she is still not ready and may never be. The next day I saw her back with this guy in his car.
I obviously blew it. She is having her cake and eat it too. Did I enable her to feel safe to see this guy again, letting her know I am still there for her? What should I do now? Resume plan B is my thought. Any thoughts or ideas? Thanks.

Update 05/12/03- Recieved a phone message from other 1/2 telling me she needed to talk about something. She called several times after the message and I finally answered thinking maybe it is "the talk". She seemed all nervous and thanked me for mother's day flowers (from children)and apologized for not inviting me to my youngest child's birthday party because she "knows I don't want to see or hear from her." She then meekly asked me who I am seeing, that she heard a name and wants to know if she is right. I told her I would not do that. She said that depending how I answered she had something to say. She wouldn't say what unless I answered and I decided that I wouldn't answer and let my guard down. She then accused me of being able to have and "open and honest" conversation and said that since I'm not ready yet, our situation will remain. I did not lie, I just didn't think it was a question that needed answering at this point.
She claimed that she only wanted to know because she want's to know who are around my children. I told her that no other people are around her children becuase I do not want them anymore confused then they already are.
She then began to ask me why I have changed since she left and why couldn't I have done it before, without her feeling that she had to leave. I told her that I made mistakes and her leaving was a real wake up call. She then asked how we could work things out if our original problems are unresolved and now that ne problems (other people) have been added. I reminded her that she told me to move on and that it was over. She then asked how I could get past her relationship and I told her that I have reached a peace in my soul to accomplish that. She then apologized for talking to someone else (other man)but said that I wouldn't at the time. She then reminded me of her efforts to talk to me and seek counseling before she left which I readily acknowledge. She said that she sees no other way now then to stay seperated, apparently now because I am no longer sitting around crying, chasing her etc... I told her that there are many paths in life to take and the choice is hers and can be changed.
The conversation ended with her telling me that she felts stupid and like a fool for calling me. I told her that she has to do whatever she thinks is right for her and that I hope that she has found someone that gives her everything she needs.I have heard that the other man does not, that maybe the intial attraction is beginning to wear off. I basically put him on a pedestal and gave her no reason to feel that she needed to defend him. She replied that I don't know what someone gives her. I'm trying to act as indifferent as possible and not judgemental. She knows from past conversations/letters how I feel but I gave her none of that.
Is she just testing the waters again, seeing where I am at? Does it seem like she may be moving closer to reconciliation or worrying about her choices? Any opinions would be appreciated. Thanks.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Is she just testing the waters again, seeing where I am at? Does it seem like she may be moving closer to reconciliation or worrying about her choices?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's obvious that the OM does not fulfill all of her EN's, and she is not certain that their R will last. She's scared that now that you are indeed moving on, as she told you to do, she will loose you for good to another woman. Don't get you hopes up because she has not explicitly told you she wants you to come back to you and rebuild the M. Continue with you life as though nothing has changed, for it really hasn't.

Now what,
The only thing that concerns me about what you are doing, is letting her think you might be dating someone. Are you divorced or just separated? If you aren't divorced, then I think it is wrong to date and even further, I think you are playing games with your other 1/2 if you let her think you are. I think you need to be honest with her even if she is not with you- take the higher road.
Also, if she is just "jealous" then it will show and if she knows the truth, you will know whether she really wants you or not.
Just my opinion.

Remember NW, that if you're in plan B, NO contact is a must UNLESS contact with your WSO(wayward significant other) is related to solving serious childcare issues OR she wants to talk about ending her A and committing to rebuilding the R. Otherwise, you really shouldn't be talking to her.

To both posters above. We were never married. We had an 11 year relationship w/2 children and a home together. Although not legally married, I felt that this forum was appropriate. We are currently seperated (4 mos) and I still live in our home.
I am not seeing anyone just to get her jealous. She very directly told me to "move on" and that we "will never be together again." In fact she told me to "find someone." At that point I started plan B and told her no contact excpet child issues. I did not start to date until after this statement which came about 3 weeks ago. Know it appears that she is either having second thoughts because I have done what she asks and it seems to be bothering her.
I understand plan B and did not return her calls/voice mail, however I answered the phone once and it was her. She said that she had to talk to me "about something" and I felt maybe this was the time. Usually she specifies the children if it is related to them. I admit that the conversation carried on and went off track. Thanks for your input.

Oh ok. Well 11 years I think is significant. So I still stick with my advice, try to not play head games with her, even though she does it to you. If you are dating someone, say so if she asks. If you aren't, say so if she asks. Just be the honest one.