My newly XWH emailed me yesterday afternoon to ask for a "break" in child support over the summer since he will be watching the boys while I go to school working on my master's degree. I will be in school 10 weeks, (we are both teachers, so he will not be working this summer), and his (our) house is on the way to the university where I will be going. He asked since he would be providing more for them by babysitting them over the 10 week period could I give him a break on CS?

Background: He pays 1/2 the amount of a house payment than I do, he pays 0.00 for a car/truck payment, I pay $353/month..I pay $478 loan from the bank that he doesn't have to pay. In the year prior to D day, he saved $16,000 in his bank account, (he makes $40,000/year), which he had to give me 1/2 of by the court. I had nothing when we separated. I think he planned on leaving me, and saved the money to do that in that year's time. Now I have much more to pay out, and less (much less) in reserve. He pays $600/month child support total for both kids. All he will be providing for them is lunch during those 10 weeks. 4 weeks is supposed to be his visitation.

He currently doesn't call the boys, and he only sees them every other weekend (a total of 88 hours a month--I added it up yesterday). He doesn't attend their little league games, nor tries to contact them or take them anywhere.

What should I do?

My first comment would be that it should have been worked into your custody agreement. Child support covers much more than child care. Now, barring these comments, since he was granted 4 weeks of summer time care, that was considered in the child support calculations already.

So now we are only talking 6 weeks (10-4=6), you would both be liable to pay for the cost of summertime care if it were a summer camp. So find out the alternatives. Let's say its $100/wk/child. That $200, would be paid based on your pro-rata salaries. So if you make $40,000 and he makes $60,000, then the total is $100,000, so you'd pay 40% of the summer care costs.
So $200 * 6 weeks = $1,200 and your 40% portion would be $480, and his savings would be $720. So plug in your own numbers for the cost of summer camp for your children, and offer him only that amount (in my scenario $480). And you'll be saving at least that much anyway. Let them eat his food and wear out his house.

You definitely don't want to decrease CS because he could see that as a new pattern & try to continue that in the fall. This is a child care issue, not a CS issue.
Good Luck.

Newly... you just reminded me why I hate math. LOL

So, the pythagorean of the hypotenuse conjuncts the hypodermics... and <scratches head>.

No. You shouldn't let him decrease it. He's either being nice and helping you out... or you tell him that you'll be making child care arrangements for the other time. Just between you and me... I wouldn't have even talked to him about this... I would have started making other arrangements and then let him know so that he could volunteer to help. As it is, this will boil down to a financial argument and resentment no matter how it works out. It's not worth it for the kids. Find someone else.

Kimmy,

I think you should give him money for the kids food and snacks or supply groceries during the weeks he is not suppose to have them.

The child awareness class I took said the reason the parent who gets child support during the month the other parent has them is that it is distributed over 12 months and they realize that month the other parent has them and already takes that into account...For instance, the summer month isn't as expensive as the first months of school...ie., new clothes, school supplies, usually a sport starting etc.

I disagree with the poster who said to tell your ex you will make other child care arrangement...let them be with their dad and compensate him a little instead of some stranger.

Take care,

ANNA

In my state, they assume the paying parent has 30% overnights, and they won't make an adjustment until that hits 40%. Which it would not in your case, even with 10 extra weeks in the summer.

Child support is annual, spread over 12 months.
It's not allocated or even based on the cost of food, clothing, school supplies, toys, activities, and so forth. It's really household support for a certain level of lifestyle. Therefore no reduction is warranted month-by-month. Nor do you owe him anything extra for expenses during those 10 weeks.

Anna2000 is on the right track here. I suggest you politely but firmly decline to adjust the child support. But it wouldn't hurt a thing if you sent along a little something as a treat for the kids.

All that stuff you posted about who pays for what bills just confuses the issue. The only thing that counts is what is best for the kids. Both of you need to concentrate on the fact that this is the support a father is entitled to provide for his children. It is a father's privilege, right and duty to care for and support his children financially.

I've been at this a lot longer than you, and let me promise you, neither of you wants to spend any more time hashing this out with lawyers and judges than you have to. It is a total waste. You have a deal, both need to stick to it for the best interest of the kids.

After we got done arguing about everything that there is to argue about, and getting nowhere, we both settled down to taking care of the kids. While my ex was the custodial parent, I sent a bit more than we agreed upon, a weekly allowance for the kids. No big deal. From time to time when something extra was needed, I sent that too. She in turn never took me back to court.

Later, when I became the custodial parent, child support wasn't an issue, we both know I have a larger salary, and she was a loving enough mother to recognize that I was the parent most capable of meeting the kids needs.

I strongly recommend that you both stick to your child support agreement, and that neither tamper with it. Time now to build a little good will and co operation for the sake of the kids. That is what must prevail in every decision.

Hello Kimmy,

I would suggest that you decline the decreese the CS payments. First I am assuming he wants a deduction for the entire summer for only six weeks worth of taking care of his children for the day. Second, he is not taking them overnight hence, you still encure costs for shelter, food, and the like. Third, he should not be rewarded for caring for his children.

I guess I would just tell him no that financially that the court takes into consideration the entire year and spread out the payments. Just as everyone else said. Stay with the financial agreement.