After 14 months of wh ea with a co-worker she shows up on Sunday to take herself out of the picture. WH told her in front of me that nothing I did was going to change his mind. He didn't want to be there and that was it. He told me he would give me the summer to adjust if I still wanted it but wouldn't stay one day more - all said in front of ow. I decided right there that I couldn't do this anymore. It was one thing to have him there when I had some hope. We have been talking the last 3 days and he would still stay the summer but not to work on our marriage just to help me adjust. I hope having him leave is the right thing. I am so sad and my heart is breaking all over again.
TTHO <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ May 15, 2003, 06:38 AM: Message edited by: T. T. H. O. ]</small>

Believe me, having him there for the summer to "help you adjust" will only hurt you more. If he is so #### bent on leaving and keeps stating that nothing is going to save the marriage and he is unwilling to even try, it is time to move to Plan B. Let him move out, send the Plan B letter and, then, wait. Force OW to meet all of his EN's.....bet she won't be able to and he'll be back!

Brit's Brat/42
WH-43 (44 in July)
DS-18 months
Status: Backed into a corner with no where to go.

Brit's Brat,
Thanks for the reply - I know you are right - it just still hurts. I made the final decision for him to leave tonight. I am going away for the evening and won't have a chance to cry and beg - I know in my head this is for the best - my heart is telling me another story.
TTHO

Hi T.T.H.O.-
I think you have made the best decision under the circumstances. You have stood for your marriage for a long long time, but enough is enough. Tonight will be hard, but it slowly gets better each day. I think your plan to stay away is fabulous. There was nothing harder for me then watching my ex pack up his stuff and move out. I know I cried, and I probably begged. (Ugh!) It is easier to come back to a empty house then watch it be emptied. Just look at this as closure that will allow you to start your new life. If he somehow realizes what he has lost at a later date and is willing to fight with all he has for you, you can consider it then, but now I would look at it as you fought the good fight, you handled yourself with grace, and you will continue to do so. You'll be in my prayers tonight.

WhoAmInow,
Thank you so much. I am lucky - my oldest son is living at home for the summer - so I will have that company - this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do but I know you are right - it is the best thing. I just hope I can hold myself up with pride and dignity. It's hard when you feel like such a failure. I am also glad that I'm not there to plead and cry - it wouldn't be a good thing. Thanks for the prayers.
TTHO

T.T.H.O.,
WhoamInow is right, being gone for the evening is a very wise choice. I can also say having my husband pack his things while I was there was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. The hardest thing was watching him go out the door and drive away. Like you said, it's just one of those things you know you have to do in your head, but your heart doesnt agree. I will be thinking of you tonight and praying for God to bring peace in your heart. Take care of yourself.

Oops, computer is doing some strange things lately (or could it be the person on the computer) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ May 14, 2003, 09:56 AM: Message edited by: CantLetHimGo ]</small>

Can'tLet Him Go,
That's one thing I have learned through all of this is my limitations. I know I would cry and beg and that is just not how I want this to end. You're right it would be harder to be there and see him pack and drive away. So I am glad I made this choice. I am going to Riverdance with two of my sisters and my Mom - it's been planned for quite a while - my mom's birthday is today. Thanks you too for the prayers - I will surely need them.
TTHO

TTHO -
I am soooo sorry, I realize you've probably already left the office and won't see this until tomorrow. You have tried, you have stuck it out a while now, so don't have regrets about that.

Now is time to move toPLAN B. Remember, I've walked in your shoes "trying", and while the separation hurts at first, you can grow while in it too.

Don't you have a family wedding coming up? How are your kids taking all this?

A marriage is worth fighting for, and you have. The Lord finds it understandable to divorce a cheating spouse. Pray for his comfort. I know your heart is broken. It will mend. What a tough decision to make. I know that your hopes would be that he would stay after the summer, that things would change. That can only happen if he is willing to rebuild your marriage too. Let him go make the mistakes, search for the unsearchable, and never,never find that piece of satisfaction. Show him grace and love- such as christ would as much as you can possibly manage. The Lord will never bless their union, and you will be given the blessings he has for you if you follow his word. Pray for your husband, and yourself and your kids even if they are older. God can change his heart. It is out of your hands now. You'll be in my prayers. God Bless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let him go make the mistakes, search for the unsearchable, and never, never find that piece of satisfaction. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's the only thing that will satisfy him right now. I remember last summer when I told my husband of 28 years I would give 150% to try to work "whatever" it was that was so hard for him with our marriage, to work it out...it still chills me when I remember his cold reply, that he was not inclined to try all that hard. When they want out, they want out. All the reasoning, memories, promises, love means nothing. I'm not sure they can even think in those terms.

They are ****bent on putting as much distance between them and you as possible. It's the only way they can deal with their decision. Have no doubt, the time will come when the consequences of that decision follows them. I see it happening in different ways with my stbxwh already, after only 6 months. He will NEVER change his mind, I know this man to his soul. He has way to much pride. He will make his new relationship work, no matter what. But he already sees his losses, and he has shed some tears. There will be more to come.

Stand tall and proud - you did the right, best thing for your marriage. You did the best thing you could while he was leaving. It's a long road to healing, and I do pray your WH is not as proud as mine, and he comes to see what he has done. But regardless, you are a person of strength and worth and you will be okay.

Take care.

Avondale25 - thanks for the support- I lost your e-mail address when my computer crashed or I would have e-mailed you with the news. My daughter isn't getting married for a while - she thought this summer but they decided to wait - not because of this. She is being very supportive and is my rock. Coming home last night with him being gone was really hard - didn't sleep much but I know now that I did the best thing. He was only there to help me adjust.
Thanks for the reply.

Amyi &Brokenx3
Thanks for the replies. It was so hard to come hom to him gone but knew that it was the best decision. He was not there at all to work on our marriage and he broke my heart all over again when he did what he did on Sunday. I know that this is the right thing to do. Thanks for the prayers - I'm really needing them right now!
TTHO