My husband asked me to check his email, which was not uncommon. There was an email from a woman in France. I asked my husband what it was and he said, "It's nothing, just delete it" Nothing too suspicious, we've been planning on buying a vacation home there and have been corresponding with local RE agents, etc. The next day, I went ahead and checked his mail again, there was another email from another women in France (OK, now i'm concerned!) At the bottom of the email was a link that I selected which revealed his personal bio on a French personals web site. The next day I confronted my husband and told him that we'd either work this out or I was leaving. When he got home from work, he tried to tell me that he thought he was entering a forum to correspond with anybody, not something specifically for men seeking women. However, by that time I had searched thru the internet files on the computer and checked out this website and found out that it WAS a personals site. How many forums not pertaining to personal relationships ask for the color of your hair and eyes? Additionally, his internet usage showed that he was looking up bio's of other women (about 10 -12), that he visited the chat site along with some porn sites. I can't get him to talk, and now how can I believe him anyway, - he's still sticking to original excuse that he didn't know it was a personals site. I've suggested counseling, tried to talk to him, everything I can think of and I get no response. I think that because I'm keeping my cool and being civil to him, he probably thinks this will pass and that I'm overreacting.<BR>What do I do now? and what else don't I know?

This sounds familiar. While not the same story, my wife has not been truthful about at least a couple of significant events. I've really come to understand and appreciate the importance of honesty in a relationship. When I confront her, she gets defensive and sometimes angry. This is no way to keep a trusting relationship! And certainly no kind of reaction to help me trust her more - it does just the opposite.<P>Your husband has to come clean!! He has to know that it's better to tell the truth, no matter how painful, than to lose your trust. If he's been up to something that he really wants to hide from you, possibly because he's ashamed, or because he doesn't want to hurt you, you have to explain to him that regaining trust is more important than any hurt that may come from the truth. And of course, you have to be prepared to hear the truth and accept his mistake.<P>I am struggling with this too, and my wife has yet to realize that regaining my trust through 'bearing all' with the truth is more important than anything that can be gained by continuing the lie. I'm still working on this one and hope you can work this one out with your husband better than I have so far with my wife.<P>Maybe he needs to read some of the material on this site about truth and trust.<BR>