Has anyone read these books?
Stress and the Single Mom?
Bonkers
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Single Parenting
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Stress and the Single Mom
By Dr. Kevin Leman

According to statistics,
half the children in the current gener­ation
are likely to live in a home headed by a single parent.

I know single dads have it tough,
but from what I see in my office,

by far the majority of single parents
who are coping with being the full-time custodian
of children are women,
and now I want to speak especially to them.

If there is one word that describes the major challenge
facing single mothers,
it is stress.

According to David Elkind,

separa­tion and divorce are perhaps the
"most pervasive and endemic source of stress in America today,"
affecting one out of three marriages.

1 Obviously, separation and divorce are stressful
to everyone in the family,
but they are particularly hard on the woman.

Not only does she go through the stress of a failed marriage
and the trauma of the divorce,
which is often a nasty, drag-out fight;
she has to grapple with how to survive economi­cally
as well as emotionally.

Single mothers who come to see me are practically in a state of shock
and panic. They are trying to be both mother and father,
along with trying to earn the living.
Even if they do get child support,
it is not even close to being enough to pay all the bills.
In many cases they lack the skills they need to earn a reasonable living.

And what, pray tell, might happen if the single mom got sick?
She tells herself, I can 't get sick-at least not too sick to work.
When the colds, sore throats, and sinus infections
that are part of life come along,
most single moms suck it up and go out the door.
They don't feel all that well,
but they have no other choice but to go to work.

But the stress doesn't stop there.
When you're single, it's hard to fit in with your former friends,
most of whom are mar­ried.
Operating alone is difficult.
Does a single mother want to go to a play or movie by herself?
If she can't find a friend who is willing to accompany her,
she just may opt to stay home.

And then there is the question of male friends.
Is the single mom still attractive to men?
She may not be sure she is.
How should she go about trying to meet another man,
and how long should she wait after the divorce to begin dating?
More on that later in this chapter.

These are just a few of the stress-filled questions that face the single mothers that I see.
But the biggest stress of all is perhaps that word single.
She has to do everything alone,
with no daily and hourly help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Her family may live nearby and give her some support,
but it is still a very partial solution to her problem of aloneness.
As Elkind points out, "to support children finan­cially and emotionally,
without herself enjoying those kinds of support,
is perhaps the most severe stress encountered by a female in our society."

2 A few years ago I wrote a book
entitled
Bonkers: Why Women Get Stressed Out and What They Can Do About it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

3 As part of my research, I asked several hundred women,
"What causes stress in your life?"
I got a lot of answers,
but six of them stood out as the biggest stressors of all.
Not surprisingly, the number-one stressor was the children.

Number two was lack of time-
a schedule packed with too much to do and too few hours to do it in.
As one single mother told me,
one of her goals for the coming year
was to read the newspaper on the day it was published.

The third-ranking source of stress was their former husbands.
I haven't done any extensive survey of single moms,
but it's my guess that confrontations
with their ex cause them no end of stress,
whether it's over money
(the support check didn't come again)
or his failure to come when he said he would
and disap­pointing the children-again.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
© Copyright 2003 by realFamilies.com

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I hope some will get some of his books from library,he sounds like he knows what he is talking about..

LADIES:

"KEEP SAFE & KEEP ON KEEPING ON!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

EarthAngel

I have not read those books but I have read many like these. As a wife of an alcoholic, I can relate to the single motherhood epidemic. My H was not available as a parent or supportive as a participating member of our family. If he was there he contributed the best he could, I guess. His help was random and short-lived and I feel like I brought my kids up by myelf emotionally. My H was present and did some guy-things with them and he did play with them so they had male bonding but I never felt any help from him with decisions, discipline, direction, instruction in right and wrong, and any understanding of child rearing. I felt so alone in raising our children but God heard my prayers and both my boys are mature, and decent guys... BUT I truly ache at times when I hear all the problems that a single mom has. I have a friend who never has a spare moment. But she is always overdoing cause I think she feels that she needs to compensate for the brokenness of her family. She overindulges her children and they are so demanding and disrespectful to her and she responds by running to and fro to try to make them happy and meet their needs (and their insatiable wants).

Parenting is a hard job and it takes two parents---a mom and a dad. What will our society be like when more than half the adults in it have grown up with no family stability? That is a scary thought.

TW