My wife and I have been married for 10 Years. Every now and then, she complained about OUR friends, that they come around too much, that they dont respect her, and that they dont respect our house. I was brought up in a family where friends were always around, and it was always an open door for everyone. My wife was brought up in a family where they had no friends, and lived life to themselves. I couldnt see a problem with our friends and so apparantly my wife lived with it.<P>A few weeks ago, she brought up the subject again, so this time I told ALL my friends to stay away for a while. NO-ONE came to our house for 1 week...then this happened:<BR>She has walked out with our 2 kids, because she has had enough. We are still talking, and although there are other minor issues in our relationship, the only one she keeps bringing up is the one about friends not respecting her, and its my fault, because I dont do anything about it.<BR>Isnt that what I just did? (telling my friends to stay away).<P>I want to save our marriage, so again, I have told EVERY friend we have to BACK OFF, and that they are at our house TOO much, and that they need to RESPECT my wife when they are in our house. Just to fill you in on respect, our house is ALWAYS messy, so I think that when our friends are over, and they use a glass, or unwrap a lolly, they will leave things lying around. (they wont wash dish's, and they wont put paper/wrappings in rubbish). I believe they do this, because WE dont do it. My wife seems to think they SHOULD do it. But either way, I have sacrificed my friends to save my marraige.<P>Now she is saying that she doesnt know if she wants to come back in case everything goes back to how it was before. She is also saying that she is happy living at her moms, because she can do what she wants without asking. Well this just SHOCKS me because (and Im a little embarresed to admit it) SHE was the one that made most desicions, and NOT ONCE did i stop her from doing anything she wanted. <BR>She also has said "She loves me, bit isn't IN live with me". <P>She has now been gone almost 3 weeks, and every couple of days we talk about these things. Her attitude hasnt changed one bit, even though she knows I am doing everything to save our marraige.<P>Tonight, we spoke about councilling. She didnt know if it would be worth it, because she is currently happy at her mums. I asked her that if she is happy, then this must be her decesion, and that she doesnt want to come back. She didnt totally agree on that. So I gave her 2 options, because she is living in 1 bedroom with 2 kids, at her mother's house, and every second word that comes out of her mothers mouth is the F word, I dont like my kids hearing that type of thing at such early ages. She also asked me to buy her $120 worth of clothes, and a stereo for the bedroom at her mothers so that she can have music to listen too while she is there. (she doesnt work). <BR>Option 1: Lets go to Marraige Councilling.<BR>Option 2: She gets out of her mums house, into her own place, and continues on with her life, and allows me to continue on with mine.<P>She hesitantly picked Option 1.<P>In my honest opinion, I think she has made up her mind and is scared of her descision, and too afraid to tell me incase she finds that she was happier with me.<P>So hopefully the councilling will bring out ALL her issues into the open...but if it doesnt, and she doesnt tell me that its over for good, How long do I wait??? Do I make the descision for her and tell her its over???<P>Im hoping the councilling will answer all these things, but any thoughts from similar experiences would be helpful.

First and foremost, print out two of the emotional needs questionnaires on this site, fill them out and discuss them at length. You can probably figure out what needs to change in your relationship and whether both of you want to bother! <P>Don't let her get an apartment - the more entrenched/comfortable she gets elsewhere, the harder it will be to come home!<P>From your post I can't understand what the problem is - it doesn't seem like the friend-thing is enough - esp. as you had them stay away out of deference to her.<P>Good Luck! <BR>gobyfish