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In my divorce papers it stated that I have the right to choose and 2, 2 week periods I want to spend time with my son for the summer as long as I give 30 days notice. Last night at my sons ball game my exw came to me with a 3 month planner showing what all she has planned for son to do this sommer and what weeks I could and couldn't have him. She has only left 6 weeks open inwich I get to choose 4 of those. I looked at her and laughed and said what is this. You can't tell me when I can get him and when I can't. She said oh yes I have the final say so on everything.
What should I do? How should I handle this?
Please all info is appreciated.
<small>[ May 16, 2003, 11:03 AM: Message edited by: needtounderstand ]</small>
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If you can, work together with her to choose your weeks. Find out the reason for her choices (ie. if son wants to attend a particular camp week).
If you already know certain weeks you want, tell her. I'm afraid my H will wait until 30 days before each vacation to tell me, just for spite.
It takes alot to work out a vacation schedule for kids. Try to work in the best interest of your son. And if it benefits her too, you've gained some points.
I keep wondering how I'm going to plan events for the summer, like trips and buying tickets for events if H refuses to tell me in advance. I already had to committ to camp dates, in March. It may not be your X who has these constraints but other reasons too.
It's all about your son, not either of you.
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Need, thats a tough one, the age of the kids factors in to how i would play that one. do you have JOINT custody ? if so SHe is not in TOTAL controll in spite of what she thinks,read your agreements. My EX played the CONTROLL game with me for years, get used to that, unless your willing to spend yout time fighting it. TIME solved that problem for me, the kids got older and now they fight MOM for me, I plan stuff and give them the date and let them take their best shots at mom, and i'm out of it.This stuff is frustrating when the kids are small, but like i said when they get older they start to see just WHo is unreasonable most times. My EX is so unreasonable I got custody of my son, he refused to go home to her, so she signed him over, they do see, and some of the problems work them selves out.
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My son is 5. We have joint custidy. I know she doesn't have the final say but she thinks she does. I called my lawyer this morning and she just laughed and said boy exw is something else.
<small>[ May 16, 2003, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: needtounderstand ]</small>
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But you can't wait until thirty days before summer to make plans - many camps start filling up as early as February. If she left 6 weeks open, that means she only committed about 4 weeks, because summer vacation is only 10 weeks long, at least around here.
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My biggest problem with this is, I feel she should have talked to me about what she was planning from him to make sure it wouldn't effect any plans that I may have already made. She seems to think she can do as she pleases and not include me in any decision that is made.
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I know that I can inform STBX about the need to sign up for summer camps and such, and he just ignores them. So I sign the kids up knowing that I may need to change weeks. But if he'd take the time to discuss the matter when it arises, he wouldn't feel so uninvolved. Did she send you a schedule of summer camp dates for your review? If so, did you answer in a decent time frame.
I'm not being accusatory here, just offering another perspective.
And could it be that some of the open weeks are ones you wanted anyway? Take the easy things off the table, then work on the difficult ones. Communication is important. It didn't occur in my M, so I'm hoping to improve it in the D.
Good Luck.
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No she didn't send me anything . The only thing I have recieved from her was the planner the other day showing me the weeks that I could have. She never allows me to have any say so in anything to do with my son. She knows this is the only way she can still have some control over me and she takes advantage of every chance she gets to do so.
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Are you sure it's a control thing? Perhaps she is just the type of person who likes to plan things out in advance and be organized? I did the same thing last summer....sent my ex a list of weeks the kids would be at camp and Bible School as those were dates I had no control over. He also accused me of being controlling... I simply wanted to make sure the children got to do what they wanted to.
If you force a child to give up activities to be with you, it will only cause resentment on the part of the child.
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