I was wondering if any of you all had difficulties in restructuring your social situations after D.

The OM ran in the same social circles as I prior to A. Now, it seems like the mutual friends are doing a split time where on weekends they spend time with me one night and OM and xW on the other.

It's very bothersome to me, from two perspectives. First, it bothers me that the mutual friends would spend time with someone who has done this to me. Second, I wonder about what these people are thinking spending time with OM and xW, as they are proven betrayers.

Any thoughts or opinions?

What goes around comes around. Give it time. It's not your concern. They betrayed you. Eventually, your mutual friends will be betrayed or they'll come to this realization by themselves.

My social circles turned out to be a blessing... and I accept it as such. How often in life does one get to see EXACTLY WHO YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE, and WHO ONLY PAYS LIP SERVICE AS SUCH? Usually, you only see this in a eulogy at your funeral... but obviously can't "appreciate" it. I know RIGHT NOW, who my real friends are. I know RIGHT NOW who I will never trust. And, I feel educated as to what kinds of things to look for in my circle of contacts that is good and trustworthy. I am blessed to have such friends and insight. I hope you'll be able to see it that way too.

For a while, my then-wife did everything she could to sabotage that circle. While her attempts worked only a bit in the short term and she annoyed me, that annoyance is worth this insight a million times over. For now, patiently accept that most people are woefully under-prepared to deal with the divorce of friends. On the one hand, it seems callous to toss one or the other aside... and most people aren't able to be that callous. On the other hand, they are being fed information that true or otherwise makes that decision less black and white as you see it. You could jump in and TELL EVERYONE EVERYTHING... but I'd advise to let time run its course. Look for your true friends, the ones who support you because they look at your character and believe that rather than what they hear about your character. Never forget who they are.

You know, I think that you are right...I am sometimes thankful that this has happened when it did. I am young, and I have already realized that some people who I trusted are nothing more than those who pay lip service. Better to learn this now than 30 years down the road. I probably need to put myself in the shoes of the mutual friends. You are right that associating with the betrayers is not as black and white a decision for them as it is for me.

I realize that part of it is jealousy (as I am home alone on Sat. night and not out having fun) and part of it wants me to wake everyone up so that they do not have to experience this same hurt and betrayal.

I do know who can be counted on, and I appreciate knowing this.

Actually this night has been good for me. I have gone for a long solitary walk and have allowed myself some time to clear my mind and form some priorities.

I realized we were only hanging around friends he wanted. Even though they know what he has done and how he is, they don't call or talk to me. They hang out with him.
I also realized I have the opportunity now to hang out with the people I wanted to be friends with all along. I have restored relationships that have fallen along the way and am happier with my friends than his.
At this point I don't even care if his friends figure it out or not.
This is just a small step in the moving on process.

Aly

I am divorced from SNL. And the one thing that has happened after the divorce, is I am restoring friendships with people that I was friends with, he wasn't, stating that he didn't want to be friends with these people. And I am happy with my new regained friendships. These people are christians, some are in the same church I have joined, and others are long ago friends that have accepted me as a single woman.

You will know who your friends are, by the acceptance of your divorce, and the acceptance that you are moving on and regaining yourself respect, and energy within yourself.

I am okay with my divorce now. I am okay, that my x-husband is doing whatever he wants to do. Cause he is no longer part of my life. Just a man that I was married to, but no longer do I have an emotional connection with him. That is really okay. These people will see this in you.

Let them be friends with whomever they want. What is coming out of this relationship is that they will see through the curtains, and see the real trueness of their relationship. I would almost state, that their friendship won't last. A couple of lust and lies, passes on and their true color comes out. Just work on yourself, and be the best you can.

My social circle has expanded after my divorce. My x-husband is not a social butterfly person. He is into himself, and we had very little friends. He had one friend and his wife. My x-husband states he doesn't like his friends wife, and therefore doesn't want to do things with them as a couple when we were married. I followed along, but didn't agree with my x-husband, and now don't have much to do with either of them. Which is fine, for now. I will eventually, have lunch with the wife of this friend, and will see how she accepts me as a friend.

The one thing of this social delema is, I enjoy my talks with God. I enjoy being with myself. I am getting into art again. And I found a group of wonderful women to talk to in the art group. I am expanding my horizons, and finding love in the nature of God. Your being by yourself, and having a long walk and talking with God is wonderful. Have you ever thought of getting a small Dog and enjoying your time walking with the Dog, and talking. Another benefit, men like women with Dogs. The dog brings out a conversation that the men have something to talk about with you.

Thanks for the perspectives on this...

I know that my W tried to sabatoge relationships with certain people that I was friends with before we were married. I'm trying to rebuild those relationships and today I just got back from a new church that seems to have a lot of young people. There is also a Divorce Care group that meets there, so I'll probably give it a shot.

Rebuilding is tough, but I'd rather do this than go through life being friends with the kind of people who will shake your hand and put a knife in your back at the same time.

I don't think I'm going to get a dog. I'm not much of a dog guy, although I don't care too much for cats either. I like my parakeet. He's easy to take care of, and doesn't make near the mess that larger pets do.

Unless you are living in a very small town there are many social groups that you can belong to. There is no reason to stay with so-called friends who condone affairs. As saying goes "birds of a feather flock together". You can join sailing clubs, hiking clubs, parachute clubs, tennis clubs, ballroom dancing clubs, etc. where you can meet other people to become friends with. Public speaking clubs is another great place to meet friendly, intelligent people. Best wishes

I do live in a small town, but I will be moving to a larger town closer to work as soon as this house gets sold... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Anybody want to buy a house? Please help a guy out!