I have a court date set for May 27 to extend the No Contact Order against my ex husband, due to his having broken the previous NCO 12 times, resulting in 30 days in jail; his letter to our daughter in which he tries to emotionally blackmail her, and his refusal to get sex offender counseling as stipulated in the divorce decree.

Today I recieved an email from a yahoo address in which the writer berates me for my behaviour toward my ex, and then threatens to publish nude pics of me (yes, he has some) and send them to friends and relatives if I don't drop the NCO by May 27. Since only he would have that information, I know either he wrote it, or someone he knows did.

Obviously, this is the reason I have the NCO in the first place....and it's making me even more scared of what drastic steps he might take next. Suggestions?

call his bluff!
he publishing them or distributing them through the mail is a felony. He cannot send pictures of naked people in the mail. IF you know he does it tell him you will turn the information over to the police or judge in the case in may.

Don't let something you did like these pictures scare you..but stand up to him.
you must of looked good to let naked pictures be taken of you, as long as your not in a compromising position and they were done in good taste...don't sweat it. alot of people take pics for their spouses. because they asked them to.
not knowing what or the kinds of naked pictures
he has of you...just call his bluff..
then everyone will see what a real jerk he is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

stop worrying what people think.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Annavon:
<strong>Today I recieved an email from a yahoo address in which the writer berates me for my behaviour toward my ex, and then threatens to publish nude pics of me (yes, he has some) and send them to friends and relatives if I don't drop the NCO by May 27. Since only he would have that information, I know either he wrote it, or someone he knows did.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anna,

If you were afraid enough that you decided to go to court to drop the NCO, one of the things the judge asks you is, "Are you doing this of your own free will? Have you been pressured, coerced, threatened or forced to drop this NCO?" (something to that effect). In all honesty, Anna, you could not say that you would be dropping it of your own free will!! You would be doing it because you were threatened! Anna, YOUR own free will is "Get this guy as far away from me as possible! I most definitely DO NOT want any contact with him in any way!!!" Right??

So, I would say print this threatening email, fax/send it to your attorney if you have one, keep a copy for the judge at the NCO hearing, and tell some of your family members that someone is threatening you to drop the NCO and they have said that they might send out nude photos.

Anna, you know me, right? I'm about as republican and normal as they come, and even *I* took some nude photos with my ex!!! It's nothing to be ashamed of, and my guess is that your family members may have done it themselves!! It might be somewhat surprising for some of your family to see though!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> But if you tell them ahead of time, you have taken away all of the intimidator's power. He CAN'T threaten you with something that doesn't scare you--get it??

Finally, think about it this way...if your sister or brother was going through a difficult divorce with an abusive, controlling, violent, sexual-predator like your ex is...and if your sister or brother called you and said, "My ex is threatening to show you nude photos of me Anna if I don't drop the NCO"--WHAT WOULD YOU TELL YOUR SISTER AND BROTHER TO DO?? Would you tell your sibling, "Well, you better drop that NCO then and let that evil person have free rights to contact you, because I do NOT want to see you naked!!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> No, of course not.

I know you feel shaken up inside, and it is scary to have someone you don't know write you a threatening message...but don't cave, girl! Be strong. Your worst case scenario--change email addresses.

CJ

Here's the deal... blackmail only works if you're afraid. Everyone is dead on. Call his bluff. Don't tell him ANYTHING. But, I would suggest that you quietly pull some people he might send them to aside and show them the email and tell them, you aren't afraid and, with class, apologize for his inolving them in this. Give them the email address and ask that they simply forward any such messages to you without opening them.

Even if the pictures are not tasteful, artistic, or whatever. You were married. You don't have to explain your behavior during that time to ANYONE. And though potentially shocked (depending on who it is) they'll get over it and will see it as yet another attempt on your part to make things work out that have been thrown back in your face.

Be strong. Be stronger than this.

While I'm thinking about this... I wanted to say that I have been sorely tempted to attempt blackmail several times to speed things along. I resisted the temptation... but still have everything just in case. I'm not proud of it. Someday, I'll destroy it all.

Whatever he might have, the threats are indicative of a desire to speed things up and get his way... where he sees you as obstructing something. This might, and I stress MIGHT, be an interesting time to take a more strategic approach to getting what you want. Don't discuss his threat, but if there are some compromisable issues in your divorce, this would be a great time to think about how you MIGHT be able to move things along in YOUR FAVOR.

....actually the divorce was final in December. There are no issues left...except his own. I discovered during the custody trial that he was a convicted child molester (young boys), and as a result the judge required supervised visits with the children (boys ages 7 and 11 and a girl, 10). As he had threatened to kill me if I left him, I was given the no contact order. That made him angry. He could no longer control me. At that time he also threatened to send the pictures out and I told my pastor, family, and friends that he might do so. That threat really doesn't scare me. What does scare me is the lengths he might go to in order to get me to drop the NCO and/or get at me and the children.

I did send a copy to my attorney, who knows about the pictures, and took it to the police, who know his record.

Could be interesting to go for getting his visitation rights totally revoked. <shrugs> You're in a difficult situation. But, it sounds like you're dealing with it elegantly. The key thing, I think, is that this kind of behavior reeks of desperation... and your advantage is that he doesn't necessarily know what he wants. A pawn sacrifice here or there and you might end up with everything... even with the dv being a done deal. Just be careful. Desperate people are often dumber than rocks.

Take the blackmail to the police ASAP.
You can't go back later and show this info and say you were scared if you don't show them you are scared now. This way, if he does anything else, you have your paper trail.
Also, call your lawyer and inform he/she if the blackmail.
This is evidence. This man is sick and should never be trusted. Well, maybe if he's behind bars.
Don't leave anything to chance.
Don't speak or respond to the blackmail.
This just provokes him.
Revenge will be yours when the police and/or the DA deal with him.
Don't forget the law. Civil crime and Criminal crime. You are protecting yourself from Criminal Crime. This is why you inform the police. Especially since he already has a record.
Change your email or just keep blocking him at every address that comes in.

Aly

I gave a copy to the police and sent one to my attorney. I also talked to my pastor, as my ex went to him last time with the pics, but the pastor wouldn't be any part of it.

I wonder if I should let his attorney know what an idiot his client is being? The last attorney quit on him when my ex fought me for full custody, but failed to tell his attorney about the child abuse convictions on his record.

Naw, let his lawyer be surprised by this stuff. It's all part of the fun and games. As long as your lawyer has a copy, why press the issue?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Annavon:
<strong>I gave a copy to the police and sent one to my attorney. I also talked to my pastor, as my ex went to him last time with the pics, but the pastor wouldn't be any part of it.

I wonder if I should let his attorney know what an idiot his client is being? The last attorney quit on him when my ex fought me for full custody, but failed to tell his attorney about the child abuse convictions on his record.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Anna,

You did the right thing, GOOD FOR YOU, but I wouldn't go to his attorney, there's no proof and his attorney will probably tell him, then he'd just blame you and retaliation may be worse.

c'ya,

ANNA

Anna,

What is it your afraid he'll do?

Seriously, what could he do to you?

I know your a christian..So looking at that alone..

What he could kill you and your kids and send you to heaven to be with Jesus, and you wouldn't have to deal with HIM or any of the garbage any more..

He could physically hurt you or the kids and one of you end up in the hospital..meaning he would be charged with assault and he would go to jail..
and again you would not have to deal with him anymore, because he would be behind bars...

So what is it you are afraid he'll do to you?

Right now, your living in fear of what could happen..yes, all of those things and many other's could happen..but--God has your soul in His hands
and NOTHING Your ex-h can do can change that.

So what is there to fear?

I don't mean to sound harsh or crass, or unfeeling
that is not my intend..I'm just trying to get you too figure out what it is you are truly afraid he would do..or could do that he would not suffer any
consequences for-

I got another email last night.....this one threatening to send them to my attorney! I guess my ex is really messed up to think that she would care about seeing the pictures......

I guess if he does it I'll just weather the storm....but still, it's quite upsetting and I can't help but be constantly looking over my shoulder.

Anna,

E-mail him and tell him go ahead and send them to her..

You'll have the pictures and could then destroy them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Not exactly, as he made many, many copies......he threatened to do this a year ago and gave copies to his attorney, some in a lockbox.... that's why I knew he was sick enough that I had to get away from him.

He also said in his email that I'm holding the children "captive" because he's required to have supervised visits and refuses to see the kids at all because of it.

And he said "it must be nice to be so perfect, but God knows the truth".

Very strange.

Being the queen of court appearances....and also having a Restraining Order and a Mutual No Contact Order -- two words: DON'T RESPOND

Don't respond in any way whatsoever. Turn it over to the police and copy to your lawyer. Then BLOCK the email.

The e-mail is a threat, have yahoo trace the IP address for the police , since you have a restraining order if he in any way had that e-mail sent to you he's in violation again and could get more jail time, i'd go that way.

You are doing the right things.

Aly

UPDATE! The police called me this morning, an officer is working on tracing the email and needed the full headers, so I printed that for him. He'll trace the emails. AND, he said the name of the person on the email, which I thought was fictional, was of someone who lives where my ex went to school last year.....when I thought he might be cheating on me......AND I realized that the short form of that name is the same as the name of the girlfriend he introduced the kids to.

Do you suppose he was dumb enough to use his girlfriend's Yahoo account to threaten me???!!!

Oh, and heard on the radio that my ex is having a moving sale....selling the kids' pool, the grill, table saw, my antique trunk, piano.....everything!

Oh, and heard on the radio that my ex is having a moving sale....selling the kids' pool, the grill, table saw, my antique trunk, piano.....everything!
Hmmm? I could pop over, buy the table saw and cut my finger, buy the grill and burn myself, buy the trunk and lock my kids in it & then sue him...
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />