My wife and I are just over our first year of marriage, technically, but in reality it is only our first year together. My wife and I were married in her country and for the last year have been going through the "extremely" emotional stress of her obtaining her entry visa, while living apart. During our time apart, our marriage was fantastic, when we were together because we had so little of it with each other, but since then, it is more like a boxing match, who can duck and jab the quickest. I love her more than anything, but I am tired of the constant battles. It seems more like a war than a marriage, and all over absolutely nothing arguments. Recently, she asked me a question to which I answered her. She then repeated her querry 3 more times, each time I answered I raised my voice. She became upset and yelled "Well I have to make the bed" because I was sitting on the edge reading. She knew that I would have made the bed, but she struck back in sheer anger because I raised my voice. Now, we are living apart, even though we just closed on our first house. I'm not sure if I even want to move in there now. What is going to be like Omaha beach? Is this marriage really worth saving? At times I like throwing in the towel and just cut my losses. It had come to this twice before, but I forsake everything to give it another try. Any suggestions?

How long have you and your wife really been together? The problem that sounds like is that, you and your wife are having communication problems. Have you asked your wife why she repeats the same question 3x? Or why she will get mad at you quickly? It sounds like your wife wants to take control of the two of you. The first couple of years of marriage are the hardest. My wife and I have been married for 1 year and 2 months, and we had many problems towards the end of the first year, that we separated for a little while, but now we are back together and stronger than before. The one major key in marriage is COMMUNICATION and UNDERSTANDING. By the way, how old are you and your wife and how did the two of you meet?

I am sorry for not supplying all the information. My apologies. First, I believe that I have to answer your last question to lay the foundation. Yes, and I have heard this argument a thousand times, my wife and I met in an internet chat room. I just wanted someone to talk with on a boring evening one day, and was tried of "girls" (not women) asking what I looked like and then leaving or ignoring you. Finally, this person started talking with me. We had a wonderful conversation about nothing, just plain normal talk late into the evening (3 a.m. EST to be exact). We agreed to meet the next day and talk some more, and we did, having another magnificant conversation. We just enjoyed each others company so much that we made arrangements to meet each other here and talk on a regular basis, which turned out to be 4 or 5 times a week depending on our schedules. This carried on for over 6 months. I finally felt comfortable and suggested that we exchange e-mail addresses and write each other, and we did. I wrote her on a daily basis, telling her everything that went on in my day. How work was going, what went on, descriptions of my friend, what the "nut" cat was doing and even how my dart league (which I once played on was going). We e-mail each other for the next 10 months and all during this time neither one of us made mention of our personal attributes. Finally, when she was returning from a vacation and I was just about to depart, she convinced me to visit the city where she lived. Actually, she lives quite a distance from the city. I agreed on 1 condition only, that I be allowed to take her out for dinner. This is because I am quite shy and was never comfortable around women. I never know what to say and usually sit there like a dead tree, but I really got to know her quite well. She agreed, and I drove (because I guess I am "nuts" as well) 12 hours from my home in Ohio to Canada. She picked me up at the Ritz Carlton, where I was staying and we went out for dinner. As usual, I was quite quiet that night and she carried the conversation. We went out a second time the night after for my birthday, because it was approaching that weekend. I stunned her dressed in my Tux because she was taking me out to the casino on the other island, and this time I couldn't shut up. I finally had to leave, as all vacations must come to an end, and this is how we finally met. My wife is 35 and I am 34 (soon to be 35 later this year), so we are not a couple of dumb kids jumping into things. After we finally met in person, we continued to write one another, call each other and date one another for over the next year, approx. 13- 15 months. I would constantly be taking trips up there, mostly due to my work which had me in Vermont and up state New York, not to mention her continued trips to visit me at home. During this time, we must have spent at least a good 8 months together. Not too bad for a long distance relationship. Then, I finally proposed to her. We decided to get married in Canada, and the engagement was 8 months long. During this period, we did not get to see as much of one another as we would have liked, trying to save money for the weddings (plural, because we had a reception in Ohio for all my family that was unable to travel to Canada for the actual wedding). With all that done and over, and all the necessary paperwork filed with the United States Immigration and Naturalization Service, the waiting began. For the next year, as INS, NVC, the Department of State and the Consulate processed her paperwork, we little of each other, but our phone bills... Finally she recieved her entry visa, and I moved her down here to Ohio. We have only be "living together" here in Ohio for only 2 months now, but she well knows all of my little behaviours that I have with all the time we have spent living with each other on our trips. I do not believe that this is the conflict. Yes, I have asked her why she continued to repeat the question, and her response was simply that she mis-understood my answer. When she asked if I am going out with the family when they arranged to take mom out for mother's day, and I answer "no, we will take mom out later this week", because she (my wife) had to work that day, I cannot for the life of me figure out what could be "mis-understood". She has told me since the seperation that she yelled back only because I raised my voice to her. I am quite confused now. Maybe we are just kids, and did jump into this marriage too quickly. Think a divorce is in order? Like I have said eariler, is this going to be Omaha Beach, where I am going to have to constantly crawl in fear of always being shot at?

Well, base on what you have said, the two of you know a little bit about each other and not throughly of each other. When you live with another person after awhile, you begin to see different things of them that you didn't see before. Yes, the two of you saw each other back and forth on your trips and had some fun together, but when you really invest alot time into each other and really communicate about things, you then will really learn of each others ways. My wife and I also met on the internet. We talked on and off for a few months, than we lost communication for about a year, and then I came back to the internet and found her once again. From that point I took it as a sign from God, and decided to strongly persue her and invest a great amount of time and energy into her and us. We dated for about 4 or 5 months, I constantly saw her in person, that allowed me to see some of her ways and really learn somethings about her and her family. Then about a month or two later, we got enganged and then we got married. When you and your wife are talking to one another, neither of you should be speaking over the other person. It should be, first one talks the other listens and then vise versa. What I recommend that you and your wife due is, for about a week or month, really sit down to a nice dinner at home, or just sit down facing each other, and really talk about yourselves to each other. Ask each other what you like and dislike. What are your dreams, fantasies...etc. and with time, the both of you will start blending in to one another. Find your most common interests, take those as your strengths, and with your differences you compromise. That is pure communication. See with me, i'm a musician, so i'm use to speaking through music and now really one on one with other people, but my best friend who really knows me, but i'm learning quickly. So just think about

Hi, I am a big believer in hanging in there. If you can communicate so well on the internet why not try emailing each other at home. Sometimes we can say what we want more that way than face to face until it gets easier.<BR>

Well, there are new developments to the situation. First, both my wife and I sat down (seperately) and answered two questions about our relationship. 1. What annoys us about other, and 2. What the other does that we like but does not do that often. Then we answered the Emotional Questionair, honestly. We exchanged our answers, read them over (seperately), thought about the answers, and then made arrangements to meet and discuss them. It was very hurtful and she really expressed a lot that I had suspected but was unsure of, like having a family, which she never mentioned and completely ignored. Overall a lot of good came from this and I thought that we came to an understanding. But, as we were finishing moving her into the new house, another "fight" as usual errupted, mostly due to other family members involving themselves into our personal business. I told my wife that it is not their business and that we have to work this out ourselves, but she sided with them (the largest part of the fight) and then she asked for a divorce. My mom, hearing about all this, then jumpped into action, told everyone to hold their own position and stay the HELL out it (especially those causing most of the stress and unnecessarily butting in). She did talk to my wife and then late last night I had a surprise knock at the door. Guess who? Yes, that is right, it was my wife. I let her do all the talking and aire her grievences. She told me, again as usual, that she was sorry and that she asked for the divorce out of sheer anger. In my opinion, we do not need a marriage counselor, just a couple of good attorney's and a physcologist. In reality, I believe that we do not have a marriage. Just a couple of kids, believing that they are married and have a piece of paper to says so. There seems to be no trust and definitely no friendship. I have always held that she was my wife and my best friend, but apparently she does not believe that or have the same opinion. HELP IS REALLY NEEDED HERE..... Is there anyway to save this?

A few thoughts came to mind while reading thru your posts. First, it sounds like she may be facing some separation anxiety from leaving her home and family. Is she in contact with old friends and her family much? Was she close with her family? Does she miss them? You didn't say, but you both sound like you are quite young. When first married, it can be a big adjustment, add to that your W's separation/move from her family and friends and there is potential for a lot of stress. Take the time to try and communicate with your wife and find out just what is on her heart. If it's your family, then YOU need to take a stand and show her that you care more for her than any of them. Seek some counsel for the both of you. Look around and see about trying to go to a marriage retreat where you can both do some building in your marriage. But most of all, work on opening that door of communication and keeping it open, it's the only way you will be able to make it. <P>Good luck, and keep us posted.

Marriage is a very hard path, and you will be learning alot about each other from it. You will also be having an enormous amount of changes that you may or may not be ready for, but always remember one thing! You both love each other and have vowed to stick by one another no matter what the difficulty is. That is a true marriage and relationship. Your wife though, really needs to go to counseling ro see a psychologist for her tempure. Instead of getting upset right away, she needs to immidiately open to you and tell you whats bothering her. Both of your families should never interfere in any situation that is between the two of you. I can tell you right now, your wife is feeling some home-sick, that is normal while she gets adjusted. One thing that I have learned is, Women when they get married, if they have never left home prior to marriage, are going to take awhile to get adjusted to that.

Sorry for the delay in my response, but between a severe cold and all the work my wife and I have been doing, we believe that we can make this marriage work. Thank you all for all of your suggestions and support.

Just when you think you have clear the minefields, yes, there has to be a sniper. Well, although everyone has provided me with really excellent ideas, and my wife and I tried our best to make it work, all has failed. Tomorrow I meet with the realtor to put the house up for sale, and Saturday I meet with my lawyer to file all the necessary divorce paperwork. I can't take this anymore, now I just want out too. Thank you all for your support and encourgement. I guess now I have to start posting in the divorce section to learn how to cope with all of this. I really hope everyone can help the next person who really needs it...