I'm divorced and am dating again. Just thought it would be nice to communicate with others who are in the same place.

Let me know.

Llama

Yes, there are some of us who are...

even engaged to be married this summer..

Engaged to be married.

Oh I'm so happy for both of you - congrats! When did you begin dating again? Children? I'd like to hear more from you.

Thanks,
Llama

Slowly working my way into the dating world... with not much success. It's SCARY! And women... they're SCARY!

LOL

Im dating , but not looking for anything serious. Just enjoying the company of the oppisite sex.

I had forgotten how sweet ladies are...lol
Im not use to that.

I started dating once my EX filed for divorce and starting bringing OM into my home around my children. It was WAY over at that point. I didnt want to be with her anymore once she crossed a boundary we set. Anyhow, I wasnt intending on getting serious with anyone at all any time soon. I was contemplating staying single from then on. Well, sometimes things happen. A mutual friend knew this lady who was divorced and we all hung out together. We would take our children to chuck e cheese and the movies together. To make a long story short....this woman made it quite obvious she was interested....I was attracted to her, but dated other woman. Anyhow, one thing lead to another and through our friendship, we bacame an item. We have been together for a year now and plan on marrying soon. She is the most remarkable woman I have ever met and she is my best friend and lover. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Itsover -

Congrats to you and your special lady. I, too, feel very fortunate to have met the special man in my life. We have known each other for about 11 years, but had not spoke since his divorce about 7 years ago. Our paths crossed again. We started out as friends and moved into something more special over time. I feel like I finally know what a "healthy" relationship is supposed to be like.

Thanks for sharing and please keep in touch.

Llama

Dear llama,
I am freshly divorced, and would like to start dating, but have no idea where to meet single men. I am a strong Christian, so the bar scene doesn't appeal to me. I teach elem. school, which is mostly women, so I don't see single men there. Now that I'm ready and available, there's no one around. Anybody have any suggestions??
KK

How about church?.....through friends.....grocery store(everyone has to eat).....book stores are also a good place. Not patting myself on the back or anything, but Ive never really had a problem meeting woman. Even when I was courting my EX 15yrs ago. I have met woman at all the places mentioned above right before I met my fiance along with nightclubs(U arent into that)....Peter Piper Pizza, Starbucks, My Apartment complex and the gym. Its all about confindence and please dont look desperate, people can sense that. Most of all.....be yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I am dating The Tall One, and like others I am discovering what a healthy relationship feels like.

Love and light,

Jacky

KK2002,

I have heard of this utopia of single, available, gorgeous, and independent women called "elementary school"... LOL. I don't have kids, or I'd be hanging out at those all day long! I was talking with a friend the other day who said almost exactly what you just posted...

My ex taught high school special ed, so use caution with teachers as much as anyone else!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Well, I don't know about "dating," but I've been on a lot of first dates! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I'm actually in an interesting situation right now...advice?

There's this woman I work with that I've been spending some time with. We go out to the movies most Sunday afternoons, and we have a few things in common. We started hanging out because we seem to be the only single people of our age at the office.

She's twice-divorced, a couple of years older than me, and we've both had a pretty miserable dating life for the past couple of years.

Oh, and she's flat-out one of the most strikingly beautiful people I know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

A couple of people have said "hey, you're single...she's single...why don't you ask her out?"

Yet I'm torn. I don't know if she's the least bit attracted to me, and I don't want to ruin a really great friendship by hitting on her. Any ideas?

Tread lightly in the office. I would keep it platonic unless you're willing to risk the worst-case scenario... of potentially losing your job.

Well, you could bring her a flower (but don't go overboard) the next time you go to the movies. It should state your intentions to her in a way that will keep you from having to bring up an awkward talk or actually hitting on her and asking her out. I got this tip from someone at work when I had a similar situation (not knowing how to go from friends to more) and it worked wonderfully. However, things soon ended, as another thread will show.

Watch her reaction, if she is pleased, great. However, if she brings up a talk about wanting to just remain friends, tell her you are fine with that.

Work relationships are tough. I haven't been in one, but I have seen a few. It's not a problem if the relationship goes well, but if it goes sour you still work together..

Has she been giving you any signals?

ITS OVER,
Thanks for the suggestions of where to meet guys. I am so busy right now that I really haven't had a lot of time to think about it. But, it would be nice if someone just happened along my path. All in good time, I know....

Lyxa,
Yes, elementary schools are full of women, you would love it. but, it seems that most are happily married, at least at my school. I pray they stay that way. They were amazed at what all I suffered through last year as I went through my divorce. Good luck to you!
Kk

I started dating over 1.5 years after WH left to move in with MOW. I had ended all contact with WH 3 months earlier after he'd repeatedly violated my restraining order. He continued to leave harassing, abusive messages until I changed phone, e-mail, and pager numbers.

I didn't intend to start dating so soon, but we'd been friends for over a year and both of us were nursing broken hearts when we met. He's 8 years younger than I am and neither of us has any kids. He's been very understanding of my situation.

I'm still struggling through a contentious divorce - my H is an abusive addict/alcoholic and I've been supporting him (and MOW!) since he left. Although he abandonned our business, since I have a restraining order, he can't go there now and that's why I send him money.

It's been nice to have a man around some of the time because I'm still a little fearful of my STBXH. I changed the locks and added extra ones and installed an alarm system, but it's still nice not to be alone all the time.

KK2002,

I am also in the same boat so to speak. I am religious, and therefore, the thought of meeting someone at a bar doesn't make me feel all that compelled to go. I doubt that the person that I would meet would be who I would want to meet. However, that being said, I don't think that everyone is bad at bars. I have gone to them before, so at least I know of ONE man who is actually a pretty good guy. And I suspect there are more.

But I CAN tell you that if you go to bookstores, there are plenty of young, single men. I started going to the bookstore often during my divorce. Both as something to do as well as to have something else to read. NOT to meet someone, it was actually the last thing on my mind at the time. I started noticing all the single guys there, and then I started noticing the women as well. I was approached several times by women, although I was not divorced yet, so I had to keep my distance. However, I did end up getting about 10 numbers over the last 4 or so months. I don't feel like I can call them at this point, even though I was very up front with them to begin with. They said they understood, and to call them anyway.

However, I have the perfect, "In my opinion" way for guys and women to meet at the bookstore. I think that people are too shy, and are more afraid of being turned down or rebuffed than being alone. Although, if they thought they could actually talk with someone, they would be fine.

So this exercise is to first of all talk to a complete stranger that interests you. That is your primary goal. Not to meet Mr. Right or get a date. If you try this, you will put too much pressure on yourself. You will pass up golden opportunities to talk, because he/she doesn't look like someone you want to wake up to for the rest of your life. This is just to work on your confidence and self esteem, so that when he/she really IS the person you want to grow old with, you will be smooth as silk, and sweep him/her off their feet.

So, and I really believe this, because I have had it used on me, several times, I swear there must be a women's class on talking to men in my town, and have recently done it myself. It has gotten to the point that if I am in an isle, I can tell when a woman is going to ask me about an author, just by how she is approaching me. Sometimes I will break the ice first, and say something, but other times, I will just let her approach and give her lots of openings.

What you do is go to a bookstore, comfortably dressed, however still looking very good. You can't go like you are going to a bar or 'out'. Walk in and scan the place. "DO NOT GET SOMETHING TO DRINK!!!" that is for later. And if you have a cup of coffee in your hand, he can't really ask you to go have a cup of coffee now can he. Look for someone interesting, believe me, there will be someone that even if he is not the future Mr., will probably catch your fancy. This is practice as much as fun, so you HAVE to approach it in this manner. Walk slowly down the isle that he is in, and pick up several books and read/scan the back cover.

Peek at what he is looking at, and ask "What is a book that you would recommend by -that author-?" You have to say the name of the author to show you are interested in what he is looking at. You want to frame the question in such a way that he cannot say "No".

Now he will answer in one of two ways, doesn't matter which answer you get, because you aren't really interested in the book anyway. You are interested in keeping the conversation going long enough for him to realize that you are interested in talking with him rather than truly just asking him about the book. (Some of us are really dense, so you might have to work a bit at first.)So his answer will either be "Sure, I like - this one or that one-," or he will answer "No, I haven't read any of these, or I don't think that he is all that good, or some 'negatory' not necessarily negative, remark about the author." To which you will answer "That is OK, I haven't read anything by him/her either, but I was just wanting to expand my horizons." Then the all important followup that you HAVE to come back with, "Is there someone else from this genre that you would recommend? I have been interested in reading (fantasy, fiction, murder mystery, mechanics almanac, etc.) for some time, but there are so many choices, I haven't really tried anything."

Now both guys and gals, this is important, when you are talking to the person, remember that you are trying to engage them in conversation, not find out about the book, so you have to be looking at them while you speak. If you are looking at the books, then you are not interested in the guy, you are interested in the books. Ladies, guys have an ego about the size of Jupiter, but we cover it with the thinnest of films. If you show us a little interest, we are putty. Doesn't matter, just show us interest. I doubt that many men have 'shot down' a woman simply for talking. And that is what you want. Just to talk.

Ok guys, now here is where you take over. And ladies, I am sorry to say, but I don't have alot more about where to go from here. Since even when I was approached, I tended to take the lead at about this point... But for you guys, You need to take the lead. Come up with some witty little remark about something having to do with books. Or something self deprecating about your knowledge concerning Shakespeare or something. But then show that you are confident enough in yourself to say something a little bold.

Now bold doesn't mean that you have to be forward, sexual, or braggadish. What it does mean is that you have to say something that will put a bit of edge into who you are.What do you like to do that is a bit off kilter? Not crazy, I doubt if she would care about your toothpick collection. What I mean is something off handed that says that you are worth learning more about. Think about this, and think about how you would say something about it. Like, "Yes, this author writes things so exciting that I almost read one of his books waiting in the ER when I dislocated my shoulder." Now don't lie here, but I did read a book one time in the ER as I was waiting to get in to have it relocated. But see, she now can ask, 'How did you break your arm?' To which I replied, kind of flipantly "Surfing". It was something that really got her interest, and it was 100% true, and I didn't do it on purpose, but it was something that worked.

Now you don't have to have been abducted by aliens, in fact, I suspect keeping that to yourself would be in your own best dating interests. But anything that will keep the ball rolling is what you need. Our conversation changed from books to surfing, then to dogs. Now the all important strike... You have to do this guys, don't forget...

Depending upon her interest in you, and you should be able to tell, you have to do either one of two things if you like this woman. First you have to ask her for her HOME phone number. You HAVE to do this, because it is what she expects, and you might never see her again if you don't. Take the initiative. Swallow your stomach, and say, "I would like to talk with you more, can I have your home number?"... Now guys, this isn't easy by any means, and you will feel as though you just put your... NECK.... on the block and are awaiting a dull axe. That is OK... remember, this is practice as much as it is attempt. She will either give it to you, repeat it back to her ONCE, write it down, (OH YES, have something to write on with you, both ladies and guys, before you enter the store, NOT a work card either... you want her home number and you don't want to be giving out your work number to someone that you like. Not if you want him to ever call.) Or she will come up with one of a million excuses why she doesn't give out her number. Doesn't matter, you have already passed the test. You have already won, because you have achieved your goal. You were there only really to talk to her. The number would have been great. But you didn't loose by not getting the number, you won by reaching your initial goal. You learned, you realized, and hopefully, gained a little in confidence.

Now guys, put the phone number in your wallet. Don't stuff it in your pocket. Also, don't put it in your PalmPilot. Even if you will after you get home. Put it on a piece of paper. You don't want to be sterile, impersonal, or inept.

Now ladies, I suspect that you can do everything just like I said the guys do, however I have no ability to forsee how a woman would go about it. I know that I would respond kindly to someone asking for my phone number, however it is somewhat odd, and I don't know whether I would really expect you to ever call it. But hinting that you would be willing to talk more, ie, laughing at his joke and saying, "Sure you say that now, but what will you tell me next week." or something letting him know that you are willing to talk with him again. Would most likely work famously. Again, we just need a bit of confidence in most cases. Decrease the worry that we are going to be shot down, and we will probably do about anything.

So now guys and ladies... You have been to FCs "Thinking on approaching men and women in a very safe, exciting, and productive manner". You will have better luck in getting someone you would like to be with in a bookstore rather than a brew pub, well maybe, I guess it depends on who you are looking for. Do it for the experience of meeting new people. Getting your confidence up. And perhaps meeting your Mr. or Ms... maybe not now, but you will be 'stylin' when you see him in the 'fiction' section and you pull up and ask him about Arturo De Fuentes.

check out eharmony.com, in depth Christian matching. now, don't roll yer eyes. its screened, above board and uses profiling. lemmee know what you think