I have been with this gentleman for some time now. His sister is gettingmarried in July. The shower is this weekend. She has taken me off her guest list. For reasons unknown to me. The mother asked me to make a photo album of satin & lace for her. I agreed, why wouldn't I. Now to not be invited by her, I feel hurt and insulted.<P>I am going to make the album for the mother, seeing as the slight was not of her doing. But I am mad, insulted, hurt and not sure how to deal with it down the line. <P>I want to be a permanent part of this man's life.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dee_1:<BR><B>I have been with this gentleman for some time now. His sister is gettingmarried in July. The shower is this weekend. She has taken me off her guest list. For reasons unknown to me. The mother asked me to make a photo album of satin & lace for her. I agreed, why wouldn't I. Now to not be invited by her, I feel hurt and insulted.<P>I am going to make the album for the mother, seeing as the slight was not of her doing. But I am mad, insulted, hurt and not sure how to deal with it down the line. <P>I want to be a permanent part of this man's life.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>hi Dee how do u know your off the list? Talk to her and find out now before its too late.

My boyfriend mentioned that his brother and his boys were coming to his house on Saturday and I asked why. He reluctantly said it was because his wife is holding the shower. <P>I said "Oh, no, the album, I haven't made it yet, when did the invitations come out? I wish I had more notice."<P>UMMMMMM and silence, very uncomfortable silence from him. He said that I wasn't invited. I fell over. I for some reason assumed it was his mother, but he informed me it was his sister, and that yes he was very upset. He doesn't want to see us fight. Who would really?<P>I will make the album, and just try not to make an issue of it. I don't want to stoop to her level of immaturity. My boyfriend said he will stand behind me as long as it doesn't get childish. <P>I just hope it doesn't get toooooooo big to get past.<P>Thank you for your support.<P>Dee

Was it your BF's wife having the shower or the brothers wife?

It is my BF's sister-in-law who is holding the shower at her house, it is the mother that is paying for it.<P>Do you think I am doing the right thing?<P>

I would say try not to make a big deal out of it if you can. Chances are the bride did not want you there for a reason. Just remember that it is her day, if you do make it a long haul with this guy you don't need the family saying "remember how she got mad". By chance is the sister a friend of his ex (girlfriend or wife)? could she be there and they don't want to tell you because it will hurt your feelings. Remember it is HER day.

If it were me I wouldn't go to the trouble of making the album for her. If you're not good enough to be at the shower why do something nice for a *****? Who cares about what you promised the mother. Just tell the mother you were swamped at the office and didn't have time.<P>Don't buy her a wedding gift either. Let your bf pay for it and if you have to help pick it out get something cheap.

Wow, thanks to everyone for your support. This is a great place for this. Glad I stumbled into it.<P>I don't want to be the lesser person now or anytime. I want to be thought of as a strong person. Even though most times I feel I am not.<P>It is probably best I make the gift. And feel proud of myself for being strong. And if she can't appreciate it that is her loss. (i have to keep remembering that!!!) I am a good person, just sensitive.<P>I hadn't thought about an ex or something. It is a thought. If it is the case I am sure it will come out. And I would assume that when/if it does they will be embarrassed about the slight towards me. Which is deserved! I would be. <P>Be strong! Right!<P>

I think you've made the right choice. The album was made at the BF's mother's request? You want to stay in her son's life? You do this woman favors.<P>As for a gift, I think I would get them a wedding gift. Needn't be big - but some gift would show that you have manners and taste and that you know how to behave.

Do you know for a fact that you are not invited to the wedding. I mean your BF should be allowed to take a guest of his choice, but like I said if there was an ex prob.

I don't know about the wedding invite. As for right now it is the shower that is the issue. <P>I hope she does not pull this with the wedding. It is her day I fully agree and comprehend that.<P>But the insult for not inviting me insinuates to me that I have done something so horrible to her.<P>And I know I have not done are that I am not capable of doing something so horrible to her. I don't see her enough either.<P>The only thing I could think of is this. I have an illness called Fibromyalgia & Chronic Fatigue. We had spent both a Saturday & Sunday from about Noon to 10:30pm at his parents house. No special occasion. Just time together, and that is how it worked out. Great, had a wonderful time. But my body was starting to severly hurt. I can't afford more time off of work and I really needed bed rest. I asked my BF at 9pm if we could go. The sister had 1 more thing and 1 more thing, and 1 more thing she needed him to do for her. I finally got a hold of him ALONE, and insisted that we leave ASAP. I didn't fight with him, I told him that I was doing very poorly. He understood, felt bad and apologized immediately. He didn't realize. No problem? As we tried to say our goodbyes to the family, she said he couldn't leave he needed to do something else, and he said "No", that her fiance needed to do that and that he was sorry, and that I needed to get home. <P>If that is what her issue is with me. I don't feel sorry for her. She isn't going to pay my bills when I can't work. I was not rude, by no means. I expressed my problem to him, nobody else. Why would I? It has nothing to do with them. <P>I feel she insulted him in many ways. But I didn't comment or anything. And I felt really great about him and his caring for me the way he did.<P>Do you think that is it?<P>

If this is it I would put it down to marriage jitters, and forgive her. It may not be true or right but in the end you will be the one who gets hurt. They have a saying that "blood is thicker than water". Be kind, let it slide as long as your BF understands that your hurt I would not give it any more thought. But do ask your BF if your going to wedding and don't let that get dumped on you. Because as a woman you must get something ready to wear!

Erebus,<P>You have given me some fantastic advice!<P>Thanks you!<P>D

Let me know what you wear!!!