If you have been reading my posts on the EN forum, you probably know that my wife has filed for D, and I was served May 14th.

I have 30 days to respond to the petition for dissolution (legal for divorce), income statement, parenting plan and property statement.

I do not want a Divorce!

The dilemma I have pertains to response to the dissolution. I have 3 options:

1) Cross petition for dissolution
2) Cross petition for Legal Separation
3) no response (uncontested)

Now, option 1 would allow me to proceed with the D even if she were to change her mind. I can withdraw this if I wanted to, same as she can. I am afraid it would send a signal to her that I think it is over.

Option 2 really does nothing but slow the D process down by 90 days. You still have to agree on child support and custody plans, but you don't have to physically separate. This will slow it down, but not stop the D.

Option 3 lets my W control the outcome. But, if for some reason I would change my mind and want the D after going through all of this BS, I would have to start over from the beginning.

Right now, I am leaning towards #3, but am consider 1 and 2 in that order. I do not think more time (option 2) will change the final outcome.

Comments, suggestions, ideas...

<small>[ May 22, 2003, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: Living-In-Limbo ]</small>

There's another option.

Refuse to everything. Your spouse'll have to go to court to get the dv... show up and tell the judge that you do not want a divorce. Most likely the court'll order mandatory counselling for both of you for some period of time. After that time, it'll go back to court, where you show and rinse and repeat. Non-cooperation can choke everything if you're polite about it.

Why would you want to do this? It'll just piss your spouse off and lessen the odds of your ever reconciling. I mean, you might get away with it ONCE... after that, even the courts will think that you're just being bitter.

LIL,
In my situation, 2 weeks after she told me it was all over and she was moving on with OM..I filed for divorce. It simply blew her away. In a good sense. She thought that because I cared and loved her so much that I would lay down and take all of her crap. It was an eye opener to her to put the sitation into perspective and the seriousness of the actions she had taken. So in my opinion go with #1. I did not want a divorce and still do not but I had to protect myself.

Best of Luck,
Karl

<small>[ May 23, 2003, 07:55 AM: Message edited by: KarlM ]</small>

Its very clear she wants it or she wouldnt be filing for one, what are you really going to say or do to change her mind? Keeping the fight alive does nothing to make her want you back in my opinion, it makes her fight harder for the D,i'd make my best deal for support and custody/visitation and let it take its course. If you really want her back let her have her way, and the space it will allow her. After she has time to cool down maybe you can try to win her back, its always a long shot, but its all you got at this point. dragging it out to slow it down only prolongs the pain and the pain has to be effecting your kids in some way, the D will allow things to cool down for the kids too. best of luck to you.

I'm with 41 on this one. I'd go with #1, work out the best parenting plan and settlement possible. I believe that #2 & #3 will both drive her further away and make getting the divorce a conquest. She may also view them as you trying to "control" her.

No, my state does not require counseling.

I guess I will file for dissolution even though that is not what I really want. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am thinking in the back of mind that my STBXW might use that against me with our boys and say that dad wanted a D too.

My STBXW is all about control. Now that I look back at situations, she has controlled so many things over the years. I will be glad to be rid of that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hi LIL- I answered your post in the EN forum so I hope you'll read it there. I think if you really don't want a D DON'T agree to a dissolution. Personally I think someone in an A would love to think that their spouse was agreeing to a D to ease their guilty conscience over breaking up their family. My H says that it was my strong determination to NOT agree to divorce that caused him to change his mind and cancel the papers he filed on me. I recommend sticking to your personal beliefs and not the pressure- Take care- lifeismessy