I have read many articles on affairs and how to survive them, but I have never read anything that adresses my personal problem.<BR> My husband and I have been married for almost four years. When I descovered hed been having an affair it was the most traumatic event in my life. So traumatic that I miscarried our unborn child days later.<BR> I have never stopped seeing her face everywhaere I go. Any woman with long blonde hair in her early forties with a stockier build and deep lines around her mouth sends me into an anxiety attack and then a deep depression that lasts for days. I see a lot of woman who fit that description, I see a lot of cars that look like hers.<BR> I know that part of my problem is that she represents everything I was trying not to be. After my husband and I got married I decided I needed to make changes. I did not want to be like my mother. I started going to church, stopped smoking, began cooking and cleaning, worked hard at being both better parent and better wife. Everyone I knew had made comments on my complete turn around all of which I contributed to the new bible based pricipals I had learned. Soon My husband fallowed suit. He stoppped drinking. Those were the happiest times in my life.<BR> Then he began drinking again out of the clear blue sky in the middle of our happiest time and began an affair with a woman at work whom I had noticed to be very flirtatious with exagerrated body language.<BR> I tried to forgive her but she said ashe doesn't need my forgiveness, she asks "why I am not over it yet, she's moved on why can't I?"She smirks when she sees me.<BR> How do I stop seeing her face. I can't move on if I am always being reminded of this terrible thing. Worse yet, I can't let my husband move on either because I am constantly reliving the affair. ONCE MY OWN REFLECTION REMINDED ME OF HER AND I BROKE DOWN RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF THE GLASS DOORS OF MY BANK.<BR> Somebody else out ther has to know what is going on with me. help.<P>------------------<BR>

I don't have any great advice for you. I know somewhat how you feel. <P>I too notice a person who looks like the OW or a car like hers. I don't mean to....I don't want to....but I do. I doesn't have as big an impact on me as it used to, but I think one of the reasons I DO notice is that I don't want to be caught "off-guard" should I run into her in a store or something. We all live in the same very small town. I've been lucky....I've only run into her once in a year and a half....and I too stressed out big time. I even went up to her and quietly gave her a piece of my mind. It didn't really help me feel better.<P>One time she pulled up to a stop light right along side of me. I just stared at her!! She didn't turn her head, but I know she knew it was me because when the light turned green, she took off!!<P>I don't know when this will stop...for you or for me. But I hope it will get better with time....it seems to have a bit. <P>One thing that helps me is that whenever I see someone in the store who looks like her, I review in my head just what I would have done it it HAD been her. That way, I feel that if it did happen, I might be prepared.<P>Try that....everytime this happens to you, hold you head high, walk on and review in your head how you will behave. Maybe it'll help.<P>Sorry for your pain.<BR>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR>

When I read how you had lost your baby, it struck a chord deep within me...I almost lost my baby too when I discovered my h's emotional affair with a woman from work. I couldn't believe that he could do that to me while I was pregnant. The discovery sent me into premature labor where I spent a week in the hospital. <P>Anyway, I never met the woman, so if I saw her I wouldn't even know..I guess that's a good thing. But I'm sure that I would be just like you if I did know her and all I can say is SHE is not worth what you are doing to yourself. You have got to stop giving her this power over you. Maybe if you will look at it from that perspective it will help you. Whenever she smirks at you, no matter how hard it is, smile right back at her. Let her believe that you and your husband are on your way to recovery and a wonderful life together..<P>Take care!<P>JMH