Well this post sure is going to be the highs and lows of it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As of yesterday, I have found my job, and I am so happy and relieved it's not even funny. I can't IMAGINE why a 40yo single mom supporting two kids would have any trouble finding an office job (rib rib)--especially when there are thousands of cute 20yo's who are willing to work for half the rate! Heehee Anyway, I will be working as the office administrator at a security company. I'll be answering phones, scheduling service calls, coordinating inventory and ordering, working on payroll (so everyone will LOVE me!), writing employee handbooks and other H.R., and basically being the "gal friday" for the business owner. I'm thrilled to death because it's a smaller company (which is my preference) and the people there tend to stay for forever--which is an indication to me that they are treated fairly and taken care of and paid pretty well. I have budgeted such that it's enough to "squeak by" if stbxH decides to delay/postpone/mess with child support etc., but if he does meet his responsibility we would be just fine--not rich, but not poor! YAY!! I did it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Second, my kids and I will be moving at the first of June. We looked around together, because I wanted them to have a say in where they lived. We decided together that we wanted to keep our pets because we have had enough loss in our lives--it's worth the deposit to keep the family pets because they are a comfort to us. We also decided that we each wanted our own bedroom, and my son was hoping for a "basement bedroom"--but that was his preference, not a requirement. Next, we hoped to find something that had a pool or a clubhouse or close to a park...something like that...so the kids could still swim (after all, we have an inground pool at this house and it is a nice extra). Finally, we decided together that we wanted to live NEAR where our house is now, stay in our city, and if we could, stay near our neighbors and friends and teammates and schools. WELL...about 1 mile from our house (which btw we are selling as part of the divorce), we found a 3 bedroom townhouse with a basement bedroom, W/D hookups in the basement, and a family/TV room, with 2 bedrooms upstairs (for the girls), it takes pets, it has a pool and clubhouse, and several of the kids' friends from school live there!! We would be in our same city, at the same schools, and very near our neighbors and teammates!! YAY!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Also, it's about HALF what the mortgage is here!!! YAY AGAIN!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Finally...oy, this part is medium not-so-good. We are heading off to court today. It's scheduled to be a Temporary Orders hearing, but stbxH and I have reached agreed to a Settlement Agreement and Parenting Plan, and we have both notarized our agreement, so we are hoping the judge will give us our decree today. I can't speak for stbxH, but at this point I JUST WANT THIS OVER WITH--I WANT OUT. I've been at this long enough, and I'm tired of his mind games, intimidation, control, abuse....oy!

The problem is this: as a person with BPD and bipolar, he is very tricky with appearing to be "Mr. Charming" in front of other people. He tends to pull the NASTIEST of tricks and say the MEANEST, MOST HORRIBLE things "behind closed doors" then in front of someone will say, "See how out of control she is??" He also tends to back out of agreements at the last minute, threaten the worst case scenario, and then claim that I'm raging if I respond at all.

Soooo...I am bracing myself. I have already prepared these 3 notes for myself in court: "Is is a trap?" (in other words, did he just say that inflammatory thing to elicit a reaction)..."Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion" (in other words, that inflammatory thing is just HIS opinion and means nothing to me)...and "Do not defend yourself" (in other words, if he says, "She lost the business 20 customers!!" I shouldn't defend myself--I should remain calm and reply, "That is your opinion. I see it differently and I have evidence to support my view so I do not want to discuss this. It is irrelevant to the matter at hand.")

Do you'all have any other suggestions? Any other little notes I should write for myself to help me get through this hearing with a BPD, bipolar person? Honestly, I hope we just hand in our agreements, she reads them, and we get our decree. That would be AWESOME!!! But it never goes that smoothly does it?? So, I'm preparing myself for anything...and I'm repeating Isaiah 26:3 like a mantra: "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee because he trusts in thee." God has promised me perfect peace as long as I keep my mind upon Him and trust Him...focus!

Any suggestions/additions would sure be appreciated!

CJ

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>[b]Do you'all have any other suggestions? Any other little notes I should write for myself to help me get through this hearing....</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How about printing this out and taking it with you (you'll have to imagine the little Razz guy doing his thing!):

Good luck with everything today CJ!

{{{{{{{{{{CJ}}}}}}}}}}

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

HoFS

Wow! Wow! Wow!

Isn't it...interesting...how things tend to stay the same for long periods of time and then a bunch of things all change at once?

I do have another little reminder note that may be helpful, CJ: "Does it matter?"

Whatever mind games your STBXH wants to play, remember that the court doesn't care about most of that stuff. In this situation, the courts simply aren't interested in the truth, and what happens there has only the most tenuous connection with reality. So what if the lies start to pile up thick and deep? Unless the lies are going to affect the outcome, just let them lie...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:
<strong>I do have another little reminder note that may be helpful, CJ: "Does it matter?"

Whatever mind games your STBXH wants to play, remember that the court doesn't care about most of that stuff. In this situation, the courts simply aren't interested in the truth, and what happens there has only the most tenuous connection with reality. So what if the lies start to pile up thick and deep? Unless the lies are going to affect the outcome, just let them lie...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh GDP, this is an excellent point!!!! EXCELLENT!! At our last hearing I was sucked into defending myself against the accusation that my actions lost clients for the business, when in reality my actions probably saved us several--but in fact, the court could not care LESS whether I lost customers or not!! My stbxH had many, many affairs, left his own child for 6 months without any support, and has generally been abusive and threatening--but in fact, the court doesn't care about most of THAT either! Primarily what the court does care about is: How can we get this case out of this court?

The truth is pretty much irrelevant...who behaved how is pretty much irrelevant...the opinions of disinterested third parties are pretty much irrelevant...even the opinions of the petititioner and respondent are often irrelevant!! Nonetheless, I think this is often the exact stuff I have tended to "stumble" on in the past.

Thanks! I've added this to my little notes for the hearing!

CJ

I am so happy for you....Congrats on the job, home and some type of closure to all this. I know I am just in the beginning of it, but you know, when I read your thread today, I realized that I am dealing with a Bipolar stbxh and he has sucked me back in to thinking that he really does care and he tells me he loves me. Then last night he didn't even remember his daughter's graduation that he blew off....I stayed on the phone with him over an hour asking him to forgive me for all I did to him over the years....at least I have asked forgiveness regardless what happens but I am going through a big guilt phase right now.....Thank you for making me see today...and again CONGRATS!!!

{{{cj}}} Congratulations! I'm so proud of you. You have set a great example by handling yourself with dignity and grace through a difficult and painful situation.

In Al-Anon we have several slogans that would apply: "Easy Does It," "Live and Let Live," "How Important Is It?" and, above all, "Let Go and Let God."

And there's the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Good luck...

{{{CJ}}} I'm so happy for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As far as court, you have pretty much stated all the facts that you need to remember. It is so sad that all the lies, the abuse, the general crap that these people do, just really doesn't matter.

I have a feeling you will do just fine! I wish I had learned to not feel so defensive at every comment by ex and his attorney, but oh well. I'm trying to be better now.

Way to go CJ!!!!!

Lori

Well all I can say is that *****someone***** had better be sending me a card with a new address <tapping foot>!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Congrats!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />