I am divorced, my GF is at the house, I had to make schedule change plans with the X for who takes our d to lessons, and the call was on speaker phone.

I told her i would not be here, the directions to the lessons are _________ and she replied,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Have fun, I love you, Bye! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WWWWWWHHHHHHHAAAAAAAATTTTTTT???????????

<small>[ May 23, 2003, 12:54 PM: Message edited by: WhenIfindthetime ]</small>

Freudian slip of the tongue. My X has done that a couple times. Once about 3 months ago, she left a voice message on my cell and was studdering around at the end trying to think of something and finally just said "well when I think of it I'll call back, love you"

And believe me brother, there is no "love" between us......

Bill

WIFTT:

Slip MY A$$!!
MEANT to be heard / overheard is my guess.
Ignore.

Just smile and forget <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

muzohead

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
<strong>

...my GF is at the house

...the call was on speaker phone.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1 + 1 = ?

'Have fun, I love you, bye' - Ha! Yeah right.. If she 'loved' you so much, then why did y'all get a divorce? And after the divorce, why did she not try harder to win you back...
Actions speak louder than words...
JMHO.
Harold

She did it on purpose. She wants to make trouble for you this weekend with your girlfriend. She's good at being mean! I'll give her that, but I doubt it works, ya'll probably just had a good laugh.

ANNA

Leave a message for her letting her know that she left that message on the wrong machine but you forwarded it (don't say where). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

Personally, I like Sheryl's uncanny math genius:

1 + 1 = crazy message from ex!

Come on, Wiftty--this is too easy to stump you! All this time SHE has had the BF's and SO's and men running in and out of her life, now you have your GF over and she is trying to stir the pot a little. That's all it is...more BPD stuff...Miss Charming with a little twist in the back motive.

GF is over + I'll say 'I luv U' = They'll fight. DUH!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Let's give her credit where credit is due: she has always been rather controlling, conniving, and conceited. It may have never dawned on her that you would get a GF--just because she has BF's doesn't mean you shouldn't still be around for her to blame, you know!

Just laugh and forget about it!

CJ

ya know, i just had to post this and its not on the answering machine, it was in real time. . actually i ignored it because i wasn't sure but GF picked up on it. . . we had a good laugh. . .

so took GF to my son's last game of the season, and its in X's back yard, and X and daughter showed up. Daughter came up and started talking, and X was standing about 5-10 feet away the whole time. . . ugh, much too close. . . i felt uncomfortable the whole time, and moving a bit farther way we couldn't see the field. . .

ugh. . . she is such a controlling, insecure, manipulative b!***

oh, and i love the way she gets scolded by her BF as soon as he doesn't know what is going on. . . like, where is she as soon as she isn't where she belongs. . . . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

wiftty

Wiftty,

There was something you wrote here that didn't sit right with me, and I'd like to ask you about it:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
<strong> ...so took GF to my son's last game of the season, and its in X's back yard, and X and daughter showed up. Daughter came up and started talking, and X was standing about 5-10 feet away the whole time. . . ugh, much too close. . . i felt uncomfortable the whole time, and moving a bit farther way we couldn't see the field. . .

ugh. . . she is such a controlling, insecure, manipulative b!***</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Let me see if I can summarize. You took your GF to see your son's game. The game is at a field very near your XW's house. Your XW and daughter also came to the game--which makes sense because it's your son's last game. Your daughter walks up and starts talking--I'm assuming she's talking to you or talking to both you and your GF. I'm also assuming that your kids know of your GF, and at the very least, know that she is more than just a work acquaintance or a one-time-date.

Here's the part that didn't sit well with me. You say that your XW was a few feet away and you felt uncomfortable. Were you uncomfortable because you felt like she was controlling your daughter's talking to you (or you and GF)?? Or was it because you felt she was looking for an opportunity to manipulate you and GF?? Or was it because felt uncomfortable with your GF in the same place as your XW...as if you did not want your XW to see that you had a GF??

This just didn't sound quite right to me, so I was wondering what you meant/felt when you wrote that. Clearly you were uncomfortable...but why? I think the answer to this question could potentially be quite significant, so I'm challenging you to figure out WHY you felt uncomfortable and share it! I look forward to hearing the conclusion.

CJ

P.S. If you decide it's none of my business, I'm cool with that--but you may want to consider it within yourself, okay??

Like the other poster said your statement about game, and your posting about the phone call seem to mean something. You post alot about temperament types and such, so seem pretty informed about relationships. Would you reconcille with your wife if she remained who she is (temperament, personality, likes/dislikes and such) but cleaned up her act? Used more aceptable coping skills, negotiation skills, communication skills. Do you still love her (romantically/partner/mate, not as the mother of your child etc.) Often the representations you make of your marriage and xwife seem angry, and conflictual (in an emotional connected way), rather than indifferent, suggesting you are still attracted to her, not finished with her. What does wifty think about deep down in his primal places, where all that intellectual reasoning helps one not. Regardless, and BPD or not, she is who she is, and she is not a safe partner, but are you over her?

CJ,

someone decided to talk with her and she moved farther away. . . that was better, just 5-10 feet away was too close. . . like she wanted to get introduced or invited into the conversation. . .
not

When she is with her BF at the games, they are more than 200 feet away, and often out of direct line of sight, and most times she does not even go to his games, except if the game is the season finale. I missed his big final winter match which was a nail biter, because my car was broken down, but go to over 90% of his games, even during weekday afternoons. . . (until i find a job)

She has never introduced me to the guy she is practically living with, and I see my girlfriend about every six months or so. . . around home. . .

I was uncomfortable because she was within 10 feet, i expected her to be there, and with daughter. . . I have no problem with the kids behavior, as i am sure it is weird for them, however, i just prepped 14 yo son ahead of time, that all i expected of him was to acknowledge her and say hi, and told him he didn't have to like her, although he is ok with her. He talked with her and i for a few minutes, and then he went with his friends. . .

its was just weird. . . i do not hover around my kids, they are old enough to be independent in their own back yard. . . when X and 11 yo daughter left after the game, they were hugging the whole way. . . my X does that whenever she feels threatened with the kids

two games ago, she was talking with me about the game and then touched me, put her hands on my arms. . that is not cool. . . she is not to touch me, and i have told her that. If you ask me, I suspect she is beginning to realize that her BF, the perfect employment match, a college professor, a paramedic as she is an EMT (the volunteer job) has daughters, (more kids she can feel important to, (her words)), doesn't treat her as nicely as he used to, he berated her in front of her friends at a party for him not knowing where she was, while walking back with daughter and I, and constantly calls her when he doesn't know where she is, even though she leaves him notes to read, and i am now, in her mind, slowly becoming unavailable, and actually, the counselor and the judge has told her that i was a very respectable guy, better than most who come in to their offices. . . <lightbulb begins to flicker above her hear>

so i think now, finally the reality of her choices are finally becoming clear to her. . . but again, that is the only explanation that i can come up with for her sudden change of behavior towards me as being a nice person, when six months ago, she was yelling and screaming at me. . .

sufdb,

my only response is that i wish i could collect some life insurance. . . as a BPD or NPD person, she can be very charming when she wants something, otherwise, I wish i had never met this person.

wiftty

I am in a devious phase so I would have probably called her back on speaker phone with gf beside me and say very tongue in cheek all the while giggling "I LOOOOOOOVE You too Dear" and then we'd group laugh together for a few seconds before I hang up.

Ah the old grass is greener scheme. That's what she's doing. And because she is not in control of herself or her actions and her BPD, she cannot fathom what this is. Mr. Nutty Professor isn't performing the CPR right am I to understand? lol...

My psycho wayward stbxh just got a taste of this last week when another single dad (with a nice physique which is his ego thing, the x that is) totally ignored him and spoke with me. X was about five feet away and the guy was about three feet away. Jethro turned immediately and walked out of the reception area.

Why is it that the x's don't think through their stupid actions before they do them?

However Wifty, I have another idea. What turns the X's on is the adrenaline rush/other people want us thing. We are only attractive to them when we appear as a conquest once more. A trophy to be won. Your x is perfect example of my theory since she's an EMT and my friends who do that are definitely into the adrenaline rush as are my friends who like to work in ER. They like having control of their chaos around them. And the life/death thing.

She is just seeing what she doesn't have and you are lookin' good to her foggy little mind.

Oh...WIFTY THIS IS IMPORTANT...

I also watched a show about attraction and how to create the "in love" neuro feeling. To create the chemistry that is sex and love, there is usually a spark needed. The show, on Discovery, showed how many couples who were polled said that they "fell in love" after doing some activity that would require an endorphin or adrenaline release.

Like going to a theme park and riding a rollercoaster. Going to a scary movie. Going skydiving or scuba diving. Or as in my x's case...GAMBLING...

And your x being the EMT and him the Paramedic, there's plenty enough of that endorphin/adrenaline crap to go around for weeks.

Just a little bit of wisdom.

I wonder...We should take a poll about our WS's or X's and if the adrenaline release is at all involved in their hooking up?

Adultery is an adrenaline release b/c the whole mystery of the affair. But to create the spark the documentary said, you have to first have the release together. That adrenaline release is the common spark. The beginning of the "In Love High" thing.

And maybe that's why I want to go to Costa Rica after my divorce and hire somebody to fly me over the volcano at Lake Arenal and drop my papers into the damn thing. I want one last adrenaline release. And to have a good time at the beach...lol...

You are so funny wiftty! You danced quite merrily all around my questions. I asked:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>...I was wondering what you meant/felt when you wrote that. Clearly you were uncomfortable...but why?... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As nearly as I can tell, here's the closest you came to an answer:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WhenIfindthetime:
<strong> just 5-10 feet away was too close. . . like she wanted to get introduced or invited into the conversation. . .not</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">After which you explained where SHE stands with her BF during games (200 ft. away from you AND out of sight), and how you go to MOST of the games, and that she hasn't introduced you to her BF even though they practically live together...

Then you mentioned that you were uncomfortable because it was *10 feet*. Okay, that's closer to an answer, but what is it about 10 feet and being so close that makes you uncomfortable??

Dancing once again, you say that you had no problem with the way the kids behaved or talked; and how you had prepped your son and he was civil; and how YOU don't hover over the kids but your XW does; and how your XW even touched you two games ago!!

Finally, you concluded with your hypothesis as to why your XW has had such a sudden change of behavior toward you--namely that a few months ago she was a screaming banchee and now she is being a nice person because the light bulb may have turned on and she might be seeing you as less available.

Wiftty, let me ask you again. I wrote:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> <strong> You say that your XW was a few feet away and you felt uncomfortable. Were you uncomfortable because you felt like she was controlling your daughter's talking to you (or you and GF)?? Or was it because you felt she was looking for an opportunity to manipulate you and GF?? Or was it because you felt uncomfortable with your GF in the same place as your XW...as if you did not want your XW to see that you had a GF?? ...I was wondering what you meant/felt when you wrote that. Clearly you were uncomfortable...but why?... </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If your XW was not trying to get your daughter to stop talking to you (or you and GF)...and if she was not looking for an opportunity to manipulate you (or you and GF--say, to make you look bad in front of the kids)...and if you were comfortable having your GF in the same place as your XW...THEN WHAT WAS IT??? WHY where you uncomfortable? Don't tell me why your XW is suddenly acting differently toward you, or about your children (who are fine kids)...tell me about yourself.

So far, all I see is that you were afraid she wanted to be invited into the conversation (between your daughter, you, and GF) -and- because 10 feet is too close. WHY??? What unwritten boundary do you have? What is it about 10 feet that is NOT acceptable whereas 200 feet is okay? Is the expectation that you and XW can have BF and GF but not show them to your each other or something?? What would be so horrible if your XW was in a conversation with you and GF? Okay, granted it might be clumsy (XW rags to GF--GF calls XW a disordered ho..etc. heehee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ) but it's been two years now.

Come on, Wiftty, CHALLENGE YOURSELF--analyze yourself, not her.

CJ