Do all woman lie about how many lovers they have had in there past?

No.<P>Why?

Keep in mind that to some extent that old view is still with us that sexually experienced men are impressive studs and sexually experienced women are slimy sluts. I always remember that joke about when impressive studs have trouble finding a virgin to marry - who did they think all of those impressive studs were having sex with?<P>Anyway, that's the reason a woman may lie, especially at the beginning of a relationship - to seem to better fit the old idea of an "acceptable" woman, and to thus increase the likelihood that her man will like her. Also, if the man involved is a virgin or very inexperienced, a lie would be an attempt to save his feelings if he is insecure (e.g., "is she comparing other men to me?").<P>However, what kind of a man ASKS a woman how many partners she has had? What's the point? I have never had a man ask me that... Why would you care what the answer was, Howard?<P>If you want a truthful answer to such a question, wait to ask until later in your relationship when you both trust that the other accepts you, warts and all, so that the woman trusts that telling you even an "unacceptable" truth will not cause you to think less of her. Why would it, Howard?<P>The most important thing to keep in mind is that neither you nor any woman are today the people you were yesterday, much less years ago. What difference could it possibly make if a woman had a lot of experience (assuming diseases weren't also acquired) in her past?<P>These type of questions are often asked by less-experienced men who feel insecure with their partner's past as a result of their own insecurity. What's the real issue here, Howard?<P>By the way, Howard, how many men do you think lie about the length of their penises or the size of their income? Why would men do that? What man would want the kind of woman who asked those sort of questions or who really cared what the answers were? <P>gobyfish

I don't hold that old veiw gobyfish. I feel that a relationship should be based on honesty not the fabrication of a person that you think someone else or in this case you wish you had been. <BR>on the contrary gobyfish, I 've had plenty of lovers in my past. We sat down together and decided to be open with each other so that we never had to find out about any of our past discresions from any one but each other. I spilled my guys, and she lied. that hurts.<BR>H

Dear Howard - <P>I know a fairly comprehensive listing of your previous relationships is part of the Personal History Questionnaire on this site, but to be honest, just I don't agree with it.<P>I'm not at all interested in a man's past relationships, except that 1) I do want to know if any marriages occurred, obviously, and 2) I always find much fertile conversation ground by asking in general what did they learn from their past relationships about who they are, what they want, and how they go about getting it...<P>In my experience and through my friends, etc. it seems the norm to either tell a new partner (at an appropriate time) that you are a virgin, or, if that's not true, not to say anything and then experience is simply assumed...<P>Further, at least among my contemporaries, I know women don't care about previous sex and/or relationships as much as men do - period. Men are far more touchy about it, worry about being compared sexually, etc. That's just another reason I don't see the value of telling a man specifically about the other men who used to be in my life - sexually OR not. Maybe I've just been around men who were more possessive or more jealous than is usual, but in my experience even mentioning prior relationships other than generally has never received a positive response.<P>**************************<BR>"So that we never had to find out about any of our past discresions from any one but each other"<P>I don't understand why that would be of value, meaning I don't understand why it would be a big deal meeting or somehow hearing about an old flame that you didn't know about before. I also don't see how this knowledge wins from a cost benefit analysis - e.g., how the cost of the possibility of making either or both of us uncomfortable and/or hurting the other's feelings with a “list” outweighs the benefit of knowing someone's past partners ahead of time.<P>I'm probably being thick here. I would appreciate it if you would try to explain what the real benefit is of a sex history listing and what would be the downside of not receiving such a listing.<P>I fully understand why you're hurt by her lie, but my previous answer stands as my best guess as to her reasoning. She probably meant it as a “white lie” to save your probable feelings. Please also let me know what reason she gave you for lying to you, and how long you'd been together when these listings were compiled, and whose idea it was in the first place, please.<P>gobyfish

If you don't want to say anything then say you don't. Don't make up a bunch of lies about your self. That is the problem because then one doesn't feel comfortable believing anything you say.<BR>h