My husband has not spoken to his parents in 3 years. His mother is a nasty controlling woman who forced him to choose between her and myself and his father is a complete drunk who won't buck his mother in any way. She has done some nasty evil things through the years and no one in the family speaks to her (except her sister who promised thier mother on her death bed that she would look after her). She has caused lots of problems with family members and is a complete control freak. My question is, should his parents die, should we go to the wake? The funeral? Please help.

Of course you attend the wake and the funeral. You're not planning something, are you? <P>One reason you go is to honor your husband's past, his ancestors, regardless of the scum of the earth they may be. <P>Another reason you go is because you would be proud of yourself for doing so, even years later when you think back on the events. Always try to be the bigger, more generous person - what you think of your own behavior is the important thing here. To go would show YOUR grace and class.<P>Third, you go because people who are really nasty on the outside are usually feeling 100 times worse themselves on the inside. When I'm attempting to stop getting angry or disappointed in others who are nasty, I instead try to feel sorry for them and to pity them for the horrible pain they must be in. Works like a charm for me!<P>gobyfish <BR><p>[This message has been edited by gobyfish (edited May 24, 2001).]

Of course you go to the wake. You are perfectly polite to everyone there, and say that you are sorry you never had a chance to enjoy more good times with her. This is one of those politely meaningless statements that are so often useful. You aren't lying; you are merely stating that something prevented you from enjoying yourself in her company. Whether it was the fact that she was a nasty, conniving ***** is nobody else's business.<P>Then you go out and do something that you like doing that would have driven your mother-in-law crazy. Dedicate it to her memory. Have fun. Be sure to include the sister who is looking after her; she is going to need the fun.<P>Living well is the best revenge. <P>Regards,<BR>rs0522