I am getting ready to goof off with some friends. I am feeling a bit better today but am tired.

Like a calm after a storm.

So here's my situation and opinions. I believe many WS's because of their self-first attitude and damn anybody who says that living for "me" is wrong makes them less of parents.

It just does. Anybody who'd justify leaving their marriages or families for other people have issues with selfishness and ego. Huge issues.

Well this is Jethro's weekend with my son. He phones a few minutes ago and I don't answer. He leaves a message about "our son is coughing again and son says he had to go to er and get another shot. Is this trus as I want to know asap."

I phone back b/c it is about my son. I say calmly that no son didn't go to er and no shot. That he has severe post nasal drip like I do and it aggravates his mild reactive airway and that's what may be going on with him again and if he would please bring my son's new insurance card so I can take my boy to a good eent next week to nip this crap in the bud.

He then adds this..."While next weekend is your time with him (I am primary of my son), I'd like to have son for a few hours next saturday afternoon."

I say we have things we are already doing. I ask Jethro why. He says it is none of my business. I say that if he is asking for time away from my scheduled time with my boy then I should be given an answer. He replies, "a birthday party". I say "well if it's for a child from school I will take him." He says no and "the party is for Ms. Family Values' little boy." I say no. That is not my son's brother and this whole sordid situtaion with him and his mistresses is terribly confusing with our son.

And then it dawns on me. JETHRO IS GIVING THE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR THE CHILD AT MY OLD HOUSE. How terribly destructive and sad that will be to have your own little boy whom you don't spend that much time with, seeing their dad give a party at their home for some child (not a relative) when the own son doesn't even spend quality alone time with their own dad and am subjected to seeing this strange woman and her child and share time with them and their dad?

It is horrid and shameful. I say to Jethro absolutely not.

Then Jethro says this, "well if you don't then Iwill just take friday as my visitation day and return our son to you late next saturday afternoon." He has one night (only meant legally really to be a few hours but when he's trying to pretend to be a good dad or a good person, he will want son to spend the night..But son is never alone with dad. Always with that woman and her child. His usual day for visitation with our son is on thursday. That is because the parent who has weekend, is off from work and can spend quality time with the child away from work and no babysitter or what not. Just weekends to be spent having good quality time with a child. Simple.

But it is not for Jethro. Nothing is simple. First is the birthday party in his mind. He is GIVING THE PARTY AT HIS OWN HOME (MY ONCE DREAM HOUSE) with his MISTRESS. And he has to have his own son at the party to make everything look good and acceptable. Wrongo. And he has to pretend by the simple virtue of having son there, that he is a good dad. And that his adultery is ok. Wrongo.

So I have to prove it again to Jethro that he cannot just change things if he doesn't like the answer he's gonna get.

I say no because it's my weekend and I personally believe this party is going to be destructive to our son to see. See his own father spending time with and giving of all things, a birthday party for his mistress.

I say no because it's not his usual day. I say no becaus it is my weekend and my alone time with my son. He is not going to ruin it after he did not let me see my own boy on Mother's Day.

He will also get the restraining order papers soon.

I hate this guy. He is something else. A liar of incredible proportions.

I remember back when we first separated. He said he'd not let women spend the night in front of our boy. That he would keep that part of his life to himself. Well now he wants to pretend to be a good guy in front of the world. Just sweep the still legal wife and morality under the rug. And subject our poor son to incredible confusion. What four year old wouldn't be confused by all of this? Even a fourteen year old would be confused by the sudden departure of their dad, their dad bringing them around two different women, their dad now shacking up in broad daylight with one of the women and then seeing less and less of their dad all the while spending time under the same roof as dad they have to share that time with dad and his mistress and child. It is damn awful.

I want to protect my son from this crap. It is legally, morally and spiritually wrong.

And to make things worse, I asked simply if I could speak to my son who was sitting in the back of the car. He didn't. And then he said loudly in the car (my son sitting in backseat and in full earview) "My God you're crazier than I ever thought you were peachy."

Said that about the his son's mother, me, right in front of his own son and also having his son hear it when the mistress is sitting beside his own father. Talk about betrayal and cruelty and confusion. It is hurtful for son and for me. So I am going to again write letters to attorneys informing them of his new sexcapades and actions..

If he wants to give a birthday party for the mistress' child, then do so. But our son doesn't need to be present. If son is present, it would be because I thought it something important for our son to be at. It is not. It is damaging for our son to see. All Jethro wants is his way. To appear to the mistress, the mutual friends (if they have any they must be really foggy people) that he's a good family oriented guy. Maybe to fool Mrs. Family Values' relatives that may be there. Who knows. But one thing's for sure, this is all about appearances. Nothing about being a good dad.

And the kicker here was the wording "I NEED OUR SON FOR A FEW HOURS ON SATURDAY." He was using our son for something. Using our son to look good and not ever worrying that our son might hurt or be scarred from this experience or the others he's forced upon our precious boy.

May he rot, Jethro and Family Values, that is. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Peach,

Good to hear from and and sorry that the nasty cold is still hanging onto both you and your little one. For that matter, sorry Jethro is still hanging... on to your little one.

So he 'needs' his son for a few hours? What is your son, a commodity (sp??)??? Hmph.....

Another piece of evidence to share with your legal support group. Now I would also add his initial supposed promise of not having OWs around his son. Something you have in writing? Well if not you can at least mention it.

I will let my H know how you are doing. He is at an auction today....buying more stuff. .... and you thought only women liked to shop!?!?!? LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

take care,
L.

Hey Orchid and friends.

Am doing better. It was hilarious in Helen GA yesterday. Went with a friend (another health professional and a CT Tech and his wife.) We got there and this town looks like a little Swiss Chalet type place with a gorgeous mountain river, The Chattahoochee, running smack through it. But it was overrun with HARLEYS...

ok. Those that know me understand that HARLEY MOTORCYCLES ARE A HUGH TRIGGER FOR ME. They remind me of Monekyho and her Harley and how she and my stbxh used to ride it. So here I am in this little mountain town swarming with the hells' angels and their friends.

But the hells angels are much milder people than I thought. Most were weekend warriors driving through the windey mountain roads in search of that Stupid Brain Syndrom I posted about earlier. Most were weekday accountants or lawyers (ha ha) or something like that on their decked out expensive hogs.

The CT Tech and his wife were down from New Jersey and were not acclimated to the south whatsoever. So I gave them a lesson. Here were a bunch of pubs/restaurants open air by the river. There was at this one really crowded spot a guy playing the guitar to karaoke type canned music in the background. He played the usual: Brown Eyed Girl, American Pie, and whatnot. There was an overabundance of bikers with rebel flags on their bikes. The couple couldn't believe how we spoke down here and marveled that the south is really somewhat like the movie Sweet HOme Alabama.

I asked if the couple would like to hear the Southern National Anthem. I walked up to the guitar guy on stage and smiled sweetly at him and asked if he could play "Free Bird or anything Lynard Skynard". He said "sure little lady". When the familiar chord of free bird rang into the outdoor pub, a loud roar came from the bikers. They shouted, "hell yea and time for the salute". In unison, they all sang Free Bird Loudly and some stood. My friends were sitting there with their mouths wide open. They saw firsthand the southern anthem.

I like Free Bird and .38 Special I must admit. Plus having grown up in MS/TN and having my sister graduate along with bro in law from Univ. of MS, I have a soft spot for all things rebel.

It was hilarious. And now, after hearing it. I think "Free Bird" describes me. I am now in possession of an incredible memory that I will forever associate with my impending divorce from a wacked out business legend in his own mind.

The guy then played "Gimme Two Steps" another Skynard classic and the bikers began to dance. Now my friends from Jersey think the south is too cool and that we have definitely character. That they couldn't possibly have this much fun in Ocean City. That's my report from Helen, GA.

As we were leaving, get this, a man wearing a black Maxxim t shirt (the magazine Family Values is supposed to be a model in next month) asks me if I'd like to take a ride on his Harley. I say nope. I say, "Do you read Maxxim?" And he says, I sure do. And baby you look like a Maxxim kinda girl if I might say so." My friends almost fell down.

Oh well. At least I can look like a Maxxim chick without BEING ONE. That is cool.

Nikko: Are you there? I want to hear from the person who has the relative in the pharma industry. Have restarted my quest for the perfect job. And it's hard. I am getting ready to sign off and check to see if Alexa has called about Jazz fest and then go back to posting my resume at job sites. I keep getting stuff from one large company, a good one, from their H.R. but it's been for jobs about halfway across the country. I want to live in the south...Away from Jethro but still in the south.

If you guys have ideas or connections, please let me know.

This is a wierd weekend. I am recuuperating and sleeping. Resting up. And it is good. Wierd to have time on my hands for once without having to schedule this speaker, attend this meeting, or do this or that for my son. It's wierd. I don't ever really know if I will ever truly believe "It's all about me". I probably won't. I love being a mom too much. But this weekend so far has been a hoot. All I am missing is a beach and some scuba gear. But I may do that over the fourth.

I miss you guys. Thanks for putting up with me and this cold this week.

Peachy,

I think the WS really have a hard time putting anyone but themselves first. It seems that many of these WS all tend to be a bit on the narcissistic personality, too.

My ex would only have something to do with his kids if there was some form of gratification for himself involved. Hmm... Christmas float one year to show he actually had kids and could play the good dad to his new employer? Yet, he didn't make sure they had coats and they got sick.

He hasn't even called the younger D since November 7, 2002 (not that she minds, lol). BUT... expect him to sit up and take notice when the child support gets increased because he has no custody. Doesn't mean anything to him but money... which is his god.

WS will USE kids for their own reasons. It is pretty sickening.

Lori

peachy: nikko is away on vacation in Florida this week with her family. I'm not sure when they'll be returning. (I think it's a one week trip, but it could be two).

She's usually "hanging out" in "In Recovery", as well as the "ladies chat" (see IR board for links).

Take care,
Karen

peachy,

So here's my situation and opinions. I believe many WS's because of their self-first attitude and damn anybody who says that living for "me" is wrong makes them less of parents.

Yes, I suppose many WSs may be that way, BUT not all.

It just does. Anybody who'd justify leaving their marriages or families for other people have issues with selfishness and ego. Huge issues.

People divorce their spouses, not their children.

Well this is Jethro's weekend with my son. He phones a few minutes ago and I don't answer. He leaves a message about "our son is coughing again and son says he had to go to er and get another shot. Is this trus as I want to know asap."

I agree you should know ASAP.

I phone back b/c it is about my son. I say calmly that no son didn't go to er and no shot. That he has severe post nasal drip like I do and it aggravates his mild reactive airway and that's what may be going on with him again and if he would please bring my son's new insurance card so I can take my boy to a good eent next week to nip this crap in the bud.

I agree that could be the prob. If so no harm done in taking son to ER - better safe than sorry.

He then adds this..."While next weekend is your time with him (I am primary of my son), I'd like to have son for a few hours next saturday afternoon."

I say we have things we are already doing. I ask Jethro why. He says it is none of my business. I say that if he is asking for time away from my scheduled time with my boy then I should be given an answer. He replies, "a birthday party". I say "well if it's for a child from school I will take him." He says no and "the party is for Ms. Family Values' little boy." I say no. That is not my son's brother and this whole sordid situtaion with him and his mistresses is terribly confusing with our son.

I agree that if he is asking for "extra" time w/ son then you have a right to ask why.

And then it dawns on me. JETHRO IS GIVING THE BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR THE CHILD AT MY OLD HOUSE. How terribly destructive and sad that will be to have your own little boy whom you don't spend that much time with, seeing their dad give a party at their home for some child (not a relative) when the own son doesn't even spend quality alone time with their own dad and am subjected to seeing this strange woman and her child and share time with them and their dad?

How do you know he does not spend time alone w/ his dad? The reason I ask is because even though FMM and I live together I always make sure he gets time alone w/ both kids - esp his son as I feel that is important.

It is horrid and shameful. I say to Jethro absolutely not.

Then Jethro says this, "well if you don't then Iwill just take friday as my visitation day and return our son to you late next saturday afternoon." He has one night (only meant legally really to be a few hours but when he's trying to pretend to be a good dad or a good person, he will want son to spend the night..But son is never alone with dad. Always with that woman and her child. His usual day for visitation with our son is on thursday. That is because the parent who has weekend, is off from work and can spend quality time with the child away from work and no babysitter or what not. Just weekends to be spent having good quality time with a child. Simple.

Or, he can just reschedule the party when he has your son for a reg visit.

But it is not for Jethro. Nothing is simple. First is the birthday party in his mind. He is GIVING THE PARTY AT HIS OWN HOME (MY ONCE DREAM HOUSE) with his MISTRESS. And he has to have his own son at the party to make everything look good and acceptable. Wrongo. And he has to pretend by the simple virtue of having son there, that he is a good dad. And that his adultery is ok. Wrongo.

Why is FWS still in home? Are you suggesting that because he left M he is not a good dad in and of itself, or are there other reasons?

So I have to prove it again to Jethro that he cannot just change things if he doesn't like the answer he's gonna get.

I say no because it's my weekend and I personally believe this party is going to be destructive to our son to see. See his own father spending time with and giving of all things, a birthday party for his mistress.

He is giving it for her son, not her. The bday party would not be destructive, in my opinion, unless YOU make a big deal out of it.

I say no because it's not his usual day. I say no becaus it is my weekend and my alone time with my son. He is not going to ruin it after he did not let me see my own boy on Mother's Day.

I DO think it was low down and dirty of him not to let you have son on Mother's day. That is usually par for the course. Your atty should have insisted and had it in whatever agreement you have in re visitation.

He will also get the restraining order papers soon.

Is he abusive to you? Are you in fear of him? Why the restraining order?

I remember back when we first separated. He said he'd not let women spend the night in front of our boy. That he would keep that part of his life to himself. Well now he wants to pretend to be a good guy in front of the world. Just sweep the still legal wife and morality under the rug. And subject our poor son to incredible confusion. What four year old wouldn't be confused by all of this? Even a fourteen year old would be confused by the sudden departure of their dad, their dad bringing them around two different women, their dad now shacking up in broad daylight with one of the women and then seeing less and less of their dad all the while spending time under the same roof as dad they have to share that time with dad and his mistress and child. It is damn awful.

Your STBXH has 2 OW? I live in georgia also and know that the courts will not incorporate him having to keep his new woman away from the child as a stipulation of visitation. in the past they have but this has since been ruled upon as unconstitutional.

I want to protect my son from this crap. It is legally, morally and spiritually wrong.

And to make things worse, I asked simply if I could speak to my son who was sitting in the back of the car. He didn't. And then he said loudly in the car (my son sitting in backseat and in full earview) "My God you're crazier than I ever thought you were peachy."

He was wrong to do that. Neither parent should speak ill of the other in front of the child - AND he should have let you speak to son. tew

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notpeachyinga:
<strong>It was hilarious in Helen GA yesterday. ...this town looks like a little Swiss Chalet type place with a gorgeous mountain river, The Chattahoochee, running smack through it. But it was overrun with HARLEYS...

ok. Those that know me understand that HARLEY MOTORCYCLES ARE A HUGH TRIGGER FOR ME. They remind me of Monekyho and her Harley and how she and my stbxh used to ride it. So here I am in this little mountain town swarming with the hells' angels and their friends.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My lovely peach,

I know this is somewhat off topic, but I wanted to share something with you that REALLY helped me. I am a person who likes lists, so I made a list of ALL the things I could think of--that I knew of--that were triggers for me. One was the song, "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers (long story, but I bet you can guess). Anyway, I loved that song, yet every time I heard it after his affair, I was flooded with memories of infidelity and pain. I just loved that song but couldn't hear it. Now, I do not want my life to be diminished by all those triggers--as long as it remains a trigger, it's "his" and just another way that he can continue to hurt me while not even being in my life! Plus, I could stay triggered all my life if I didn't "get over it"! So I wanted to do something to stop the triggers or reclaim the triggers or SOMETHING!!

Here's what I did...and what I am doing. I'm going down the entire list, one by one, and reclaiming those triggers! I'm facing them and letting myself get THROUGH the pain rather than avoiding it. For example, with "Unchained Melody"...for about a year I couldn't even hear it (at all!)--I'd flee the room or run and turn it off. The next year I'd hear it but I'd cry like an emotional collapse. Finally, when I decided to reclaim it, I BOUGHT THE CD and I played it 50 times!! **50 TIMES!!** I cried and ached and my heart just DIED...about the first ten times, and then it gradually got better. I got all the way through the song without feeling like dying at about #30...and by #50 I had been playing it all day and it was a song again. Yeah, I still feel a little tug at my heart when I hear it now, but I also do hear the music again, and I hear the richness of the words and tune. Now, it's MINE and it's not "his" anymore.

Peachy, Harleys are the same way for you. As long as they are a trigger for you, they are "his" and just another way that he can continue to hurt you even while he's no longer a part of your every day life. Reclaim those Harley's girl! Make them your own! Go on a ride or hang with Hell's Angels for a while or something. Make a memory with them that is a GOOD memory...that is a memory that builds up Peachy! Does that make any sense?? Then the next time you see or hear or are surrounded by Hawgs you won't think of that worthless ho who isn't even worthy of your thoughts...you'll think of that time you were SPECTACULAR and ALIVE and HAPPY-and Hawgs will forever mean that ride or that memory from that day forward.

CJ

tew,

Go read peachys other threads about her X. The man is not acting as a moral and just parent and never has since the day he left. The man is sure to have selfish motives regarding this birthday party. There IS no way he is wanting alone time with is son that weekend. Read Peachy's posts, you will get the idea that he is as selfish as they come. Peachy is not making an issue of it, it is just fact.

My own X has little regard for what the children feel. He places himself first in every situation, though he certainly does not see it that way. The mere fact that he left us all that time ago was indicative of his selfishness, and he has not let up on that one jot since he left.

He is due back in Australia at the end of June, (well maybe - depends on whether he gets a job somewhere else overseas) and after an almost total absense for two years expects the children to fall over themselves in gratitude that he is back. Well, my kids are indifferent about it. His bad.

Are you an OW? Your post reads like one, since you call your partner FMM.

Jacky

Okay tew, I did some research and you are an OW <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .