It's been 2 years since I have been here...my mistake I know... My marriage (I thought) was strong again.... after my wife found another to fill the vast voids I unintentionally left....and it was good was for a while..until I started to slack up on tending to my wife's needs. I feel like a failure once again and it's all my fault because I left voids that I shouldn't have. I am sooooo sick of "getting better" at tending to her needs then falling flat on my face.<P>I told her that I refused to fail anymore... no... there is no "other person" on either side, but she is just fed up with me not following thru and keeping up with my good intentions of attentiveness to her needs. this may sound like I am doing all the work here.... but after the way I reflect back on our 11 years of marriage... I put here thru h*ll and feel that she has endured enuf to last a lifetime and want to get better at proving my love to her and our 3 boys.<P>I never bonded with my boys... I see that now and I hope it's not too late to mend things. I love my family with all my heart and would be lost without them, but my relationship with my boys can't go on that way it has. I played a very little part in their development when they were babies. I was very self-centered and selfish. I know I can't change the past, but I must try to improve the future. My wife, for years has told me of my faults and now I hope it's not too late to prove that I am changing to better myself.<P>My wife has already stated that she is only staying for the kids as of right now... but that could be a blessing for me to prove that I have changed. I hope she will see that I am sincere and if she does leave me, due to my neglect and ignorance over the years... I have noone to blame bu myself. <P>I should have stayed here 2 years ago.... I probably would have been living the romanitic lifestyle of marriage she has dreamed of for so many years.<P>Our world is upside down right now... we are moving to a different state, nowhere to call "home" and then our relationship problems just add to the mix.....<P>I will be seeking some councelling on my own once we get settled back in because I feel I am in need of help that I can't provide to myself. I do ask God for help and my deficient areas have been revealed to me crystal clear... but I need help to fix them.<P>Thanks for listening..... I needed to get this out and beat myself up over this anyway....My wife is a loving,caring person... and she doesn't deserve ANY of the crap I put here thru..... I DO LOVE HER very much.... I just don't know the proper ways to show it all the time.......I am sick over what I have done to my family.......

IM SORRY --- you recognize your weaknesses and seem willing to overcome these obstacles which, in turn, hurt your family members. This is a great step in resolving the issues that create the havoc in your lives. Your attitude is positive. You know what you have to do to put things back in order. Perservere with your plans and do the best that you can. <P>------------------<BR><B>Time heals all wounds as long as you DON'T pick at them!</B>